Is having overweight kids child abuse?

[Mummyme1987]

A friend posted on Fb that parents with fat kids are child abusers. Except for kids with medical problems. It started with comments on how it's awful that there's a generous fit section in clothes shops. I'm shocked that people think this. I think the majority of parents don't just feed their kids crap, and some kids are bigger than others, and unless it is a very extreme case it's not child abuse. Thoughts?

Because adult tenants have places they can go to services they can use complaints they can make.

This is a thread talking about children and active choices their parents make for them,those children have no access to those places that can help other than through their parents unless the problem is bad enough and combined with enough other problems to trigger a children's services visit,

It's also talking about attitudes towards healthy diets and portion size and exercise

And I was shocked to be called a child abuser.

To be honest it made me feel awful. I wanted to know if everyone else thought that too. So anti fattie bashing really

I can understand the army is treating their families awfully Helena but I still don't see how it really relates to whether people think fat kids parents are abusers. It seems a bit of a tenuous link and rather like you are spreading awareness of the awful situation, which is great but not really the point of this thread.

This is a thread talking about children and active choices their parents make for them

No its not. So stop dressing it up - stop trying to justify spite and ignorance with talk about healthy diets and portion control. Just come out and admit it, fat people and their kids need to be SHAMED - although its even better if you can feel that you are more worthy than someone else at the same time (although we're not prejudiced because we all have a friend who is fat and they're ok).

There's people upthread chanting "calories out, calories in" - hallehlujah they've solved it!! What are the scientist chaps like eh? Twats. All they needed to do was ask Mumsnet!! Obesity isn't an issue, its just calories out and calories in! Who knew! And then another who says gosh me and my family are all really slim ha ha but she thinks that overweight children are not a good idea. What a catalyst. What a contribution to the global debate on the Western world's health crisis.

So Mummy what insight do you feel you've gained tonight?

NeedsAsockamnesty Tue 29-Mar-16 00:14:47
"Because adult tenants have places they can go to services they can use complaints they can make"

A process which can take many many months.

YY Burning Bridges. Its not a coincidence that this thread was started right at the end of the Easter weekend.

My work takes me into contact with one of the leading obesity researchers in the US - a medical doctor at a major university - quoted in New York Times and other reputable mainstream media as well as prestigious medical journals. he maintains it's still a matter of calories in need to be less than calories expended, regardless of where they come from. As he says, you can eat 800 calories of chips ( crisps) or 800 calories of lettuce, it doesn't matter, and you likely will lose weight. Or vice versa - eat 2500 or 3000 calories a day of lettuce and you will gain. Look at cows and the fat on a rib roast of beef - and they eat grass and corn. No takeaways and no Coke - and yet they fatten up quite well.

Yes it is that's exactly what it's about. And for the majority of children healthy weights are achieved by healthy lifestyles often started early in life.

Some children have medical issues that cause problems many don't.

Just because some people consider it fat shaming not to be all positive and fluffy about the health issues and other problems caused by being overweight it does not mean that people should start being all positive and fluffy about it.

Or is weight a topic people can not talk about at all without it being considered to be shaming?

A process which can take many many months

Perhaps the complaint process but not lots of other things, most adults are responsible for themselves children are not, most adults have access to places that serve or provide food and most of them even skint ones have some degree of choice even if it is fairly limited. Most children have none.

Or is weight a topic people can not talk about at all without it being considered to be shaming?

I think we can discuss it without it turning into a shaming thread if its someone posting for advice/support but threads like this aibu always go downhill.

What have I learned? That it's pretty mixed opinion which has surprised me. I also think some posters have issues. I also think some people don't have any idea of how hard it is to be overweight or have overweight kids.

I know full well how hard it it is Mummyme.

i see what you mean Sock but making sure everyone has access to decent cooking facilities and healthy food and not obstructing it would go a long way to improving outcomes.

I'm not trying to be patronising as I'm struggling with the same issues. It's hard and life gets in the way of best laid plans etc. Nobody wants their kids to suffer but it's not easy and there's no magic wand however much some people like to try and tell you. But I still can't see it as child abuse unless the kids are unable to walk and are made ill.

Helena how are the army allowed to get away with it? It's shocking

mummy If this is something your own family is struggling with you'll get some great advice and tips if you post in parenting or even chat. My dc are a healthy weight but I'm not and I've read some great ideas on MN.

I have a friend who was always reasonably plump. She was the biggest in the class. After she left, she slimmed down a bit but has never been what you would call slim.

Her and her DH now have 2 daughters. They are worryingly supersized and it is entirely diet related. Her idea of dinner is lasagna, 4 garlic breads and creamy salad. She frequently posts photos of her and her daughters enjoying a cream tea or doughnuts or a plate full of cake. It just makes me feel really sad for her daughter who is the same age as mine and I know she already feels terrible about her weight. They do literally no exercise at all. I do wonder occasionally if it's her way of getting her DDs to accept their inherited Ruebenesque, but I really wish she'd learn there is a middle area.

at notion I control what goes in dc's mouth.

As soon as they're in school, you lose any semblance of control, and I don't just mean with school dinners; prizes, special occasions, baking, fundraisers, on and on and on all done with food. It's a nightmare.

I give my DC exactly no sweet treats and they still have far more sugary snacks than I want them to.

Also, no, not neglect or abuse (in most cases). Sub-optimal parenting perhaps, not neglect.

I have three children. The eldest is extremely overweight.

I'm not going to lie, I take full responsibility. No medical reasons, just that I've come from a family of feeders. Food is always a big social thing. Big family dinners, food for comfort, boredom, watching a movie..anything really. When I was with his dad, he sabotaged my efforts to cut his food back and make healthier choices. He said he's a growing boy and it'll all even out as he got taller etc.

Ironically myself, ex partner and two other children are slim. But I battle to keep my weight down.

Food wise I generally cook from scratch. Occasionally will make a simple frozen meal like fish fingers and waffles but rare. But my eldest likes the in between snacks of Crisps biscuits etc. I'm guilty of buying it for him. Even though I absolutely know that it's no good, I just feel bad depriving him. Yet I feel just as guilty allowing it. It's just what I've let him get used to.

I'm sure I'll get flamed. But my point is although it makes me bad for allowing it, abuser is so far fetched.

*But today's kids are far more sedantry than their parents were. They also mostly eat bigger portions than their parents did and snack more often.

Either way, it's a stupid risk to take if you don't have a crystal ball*

If you have tall slim active parents who look after their diet, like to hike and ski and generally go for the more outward bounds type activities and have older siblings who have pretty much the same growth patterns then the likely hood is that the child will turn out tall slim and healthy as well.

Having witnessed some who restrict their children's food so they don't get fat I know that these are the children who end up fat. They have never been able to operate their off switch when it comes to food. It has always been activated by someone else.

One girl I know has a mother who is terrified of her becoming fat and so restricted her diet throughout her life, the girl at 18 is now obese.
Another has a mum who has struggled with her weight and wants for her dd to miss out on what she has gone through. But when the child is hungry or at meal times she always gives her food with the words that it is the last food she is getting. The mum means there is no seconds and no snacks but the little girl eats everything she is given and everything that is left from other people's plates even if she isn't hungry because she sees food as maybe not being around when she next gets hungry. When I have had her round she only picks at her food and asks me not to tell her mum what she has eaten.

As long as the child is eating protein vegetables and carbs and not filling up on sugary foods and is getting lots of exercise then at some point the growth spurt will get rid of the puppy fat and children will have a healthy outlook on food.

Sometimes as a parent you can't win with opinions. I got snide comments from people in my street twice since Christmas. One about how "chunky" DD2 is, they didn't realise (nor particularly care since it was just a jibe in retaliation for a parking issue) that her problems are medical - meds increase her appetite, but condition can reduce her activity depending on how she is. The other one was about my "neglectfulness" of my 8yo because he plays out "for hours and in all weathers".

So I'm abusing one by not making her active enough, but I'm abusing the other by putting him at risk of whatever the current fear is by allowing him to play out. Can't win.

But OP, they are being made ill and damaged by being fat. I'm not talking about side effects of meds or something wrong with them, but only taking in more calories than they expend.

Isn't it very similar to passive smoking? A responsible adult looks out for their children. If you are raising a fatty then a) you're telling them it's okay to disrespect their body b) you're taking years off their life.

I absolutely is calories in versus calories out. It doesn't have to be fried food. Although I have skinny genes, I could eat mashed potatoes all day long and would choose them over chips, chocolate etc. most people would become fat if they ate the calories I did. Having said that, I run / cycle for a couple of hours most days.

If your child's fat then make them exercise more or feed them less. Simple! Really, really simple.

If medication is increasing an appetite (not decreasing metabolism), then eat filling but lower in calorie foods. It's still simple. Chunky children are still being harmed.

As for neglect, as in "fail to care for properly", then yes, it is. You still care for them, but not enough to keep them as healthy as possible.

Parents nowadays seem afraid of tough love.

SIL's children are all very overweight. Her 4 year old is obese.

The children have unlimited access to the junk in the lichen and are in and out getting ice pops and sweets all day.

SIL thinks she is being kind to her children giving them treats they enjoy.

She can't understand how her 4 yr old is so obese - she thinks she must have a medical issue - but I've been in the house watching the 4 yr old guzzling fizzy drinks all day and eating crisis etc.

DH has said it to SIL - that there is way to much junk in get children's diet but it doesn't sink in.

I agree BurningBridge, this thread is very unkind. Why can't we just accept that people come in different shapes and sizes

sorry but kids do not come in 'obese'. Some kids may have medical issues that contribute to it. But obese is not a shape or size that people naturally come in.

helena that link is disgraceful. I feels for those poor people. However it's got nothing to do with the thread.

No one has said all kids who are over weight, have abusive parents. They have said it can be abuse.

Yet again a thread is derailed because people take offence at weight being discussed, don't read the thread and attempt to turn it into something it's not to get it deleted. I have noticed this is a tactic of a few posters lately.

Apparently talking about weight is fat shaming? Talking about the reasons and consequences of ignoring a child's weight problem is fat shaming? Really?