Is having overweight kids child abuse?

[Mummyme1987]

A friend posted on Fb that parents with fat kids are child abusers. Except for kids with medical problems. It started with comments on how it's awful that there's a generous fit section in clothes shops. I'm shocked that people think this. I think the majority of parents don't just feed their kids crap, and some kids are bigger than others, and unless it is a very extreme case it's not child abuse. Thoughts?

I dunno.

I know parents of large children and they are not neglectful, they are just trying to navigate an imperfect world.

My own DC are thin ( DS ridiculously so) and I'm not super vigilant about food. Lots of good home made food, but equally, lots if crap.

I know DC whose parents are far more neglectful. Their DC may be slim but by God, other aspects of their lives are shocking!

Regarding grandparents, I can relate. I have been made to feel unreasonable a few times after putting my foot down and refusing to let them give my dc any more 'treats'. I remember pretty much shouting at my DM, after she gave my dd yet another biscuit after I had specifically said no two minutes before hand. Dd came in from the kitchen, looking incredibly smug, biscuit in hand. I was fuming to say the least. I am the parent, what I say goes and that is that.

I'd like to think I'd never dream undermining my dc like that if they ever give me grandchildren in the distant future. Not sure why other people, regardless of their relation think it's okay to do so.

My DM would sneak toddler DS little treats just before meals - we as children were never allowed to eat & spoil our appetites

It's difficult. We know that being overweight has serious health implications, so failing to provide a healthy diet could be seen as neglect. But I have a very slim child. I do my absolute best by him, but if we're judging parenting by the size of our kids, you could assume that mine is unloved and undernourished. He isn't, but maybe it works both ways?

I agree with no food being banned, food to be enjoyed. Dh and I love food, everything about it from planning, to cooking to eating and the whole social aspect of dining out. I want to raise my daughter in a similar way. How to eat well and enjoyably but healthily and in moderation. Sadly I think often the moderation bit is what gets lost in many instances.

I don't think it's abuse necessarily, or even neglect, but perhaps sometimes ignorance.

I'm fat, I've always been fat, I got very fat as a kid (although I'm fatter now) because I was, looking back, depressed - probably as a result of physical abuse (not by my family), and the resulting isolation at school and home.

My mum didn't know about it, didn't know how to deal with me (and I had younger siblings she needed to look after), so I was left to my own devices, and I ate. I would sneak food, or money to buy food. I was always active too - but never any good at sport, so whilst I'd go along with the netball team to a fixture for example, I wouldn't actually play (school wasn't inclusive in those days), and whilst I walked over a mile to school, I must walk at a pace that didn't actually burn significant calories. as even now, I can walk miles a day, and I get fitter, but I only lose weight by changing diet.

I think fat kids can also be abuse, but not always, and not in my situation.

I might add, I don't know if an 80s diet had an effect, as my kids (5 and 2) are both totally average, yet require virtually no moderation - they seem to just know when they are hungry, and never seem to over-indulge, they naturally want veg/fruit/meat probably more often than sweets! I'm astounded at how naturally it comes to them (as it doesn't for DP or me), but really I have no occasion to forcefully modify their diet.

I admit that neglect and abuse comes to mind when I see an over weight parent with overweight kids pushing a trolley load of rubbish food, sugary cereals, soft drinks and multi packs of crisps in the supermarket.

Agree with the No good or bad foods concept - it all boils down to portions really - sensible portions for your age, size & level of activity.

Ignorance is a large part of it. Not knowing it understanding that we need to eat less than we do, that nobody needs snacks (unless you have blood sugar issues), that we have to burn off calories by moving around.

It absolutely is neglect because you would be denying that child the right to a healthy life, call it what you want but that's what's happening either through lack of exercise or poor diet. There needs to be a proactive approach here rather than reactive, education is key and not a change for life type system that isn't really hands on. I'm not talking about medical conditions but diet and exercise are the only factors that contribute towards an overweight child, parents need to be real about this and see to it that they take responsibility for this and should have access and support to educate themselves on how to properly look after their child.

*Access to support

I know parents of large children and they are not neglectful, they are just trying to navigate an imperfect world.

What? The world has never been perfect.

Yet there are more overweight/obese or 'large' if you want to call it that, children in the UK than ever before.

EricNorthmanSucks
I dunno.

I know parents of large children and they are not neglectful, they are just trying to navigate an imperfect world.

My own DC are thin ( DS ridiculously so) and I'm not super vigilant about food. Lots of good home made food, but equally, lots if crap.

I agree with your sentiments. I think there are some simplistic views on this thread about children's weight and how easily or not it might it might be regulated and rectified by parents. There are all sorts of personal and environmental factors at play, as well as varying degrees of parental control, not to mention luck, as evidenced by parents who might encourage similar things for their children, but whose children are nevertheless different shapes/sizes. And I would question slimness, in and of itself, being held up as some sort of ideal. Being slim is not necessarily an indication of a healthy diet.

The world is far more overloaded with poor food than it has ever been.

The sugar industry is huge and powerful. Ditto the fast good industry.

Parents are bringing up their DC in this environment. It's not easy. I don't act perfectly and yet my DC are thin, so I won't judge others .

As I say I know DC who are brought up in far worse situations with far less love and concern.

Parents who have stayed with crap partners in spite of the impact it might have. Parents living on poverty due to shit decisions. Parents whose DC are isolated and unhappy due to their parents monumentally poor judgement...

I don't think anyone is saying being slim is necessarily and indication of a healthy diet.

But a third of kids aged 2-15 are now fat.

That is the issue being discussed here.

Modern, sedentary lifestyles are screwing up our bodies. I have minor internal freakouts at the fact 90% of my colleagues drive to work, get the lift up 5 flights, sit at a desk all day, don't get out at lunch and drive home. The human body can't cope with that little exercise or vitamin d.

Stranger danger and too many cars have greatly restricted children's freedom too. Modern estates are so cramped that kids can't tear around on front gardens and everyone has to park their car on the road. No space for football or bike riding out the front.

I see it as part of my parental responsibility to ensure that my DD is provided with a varied diet, including fruit and veg, and fresh fish and meats. We do not ever use food as a reward/punishment. I think this is key in avoiding bad eating habits.

Some children are picky, some children have allergies, some children have other medical requirements which affect eating so those parents must ensure they seek professional advice to avoid being over/ under weight.

As my DD gets older I hope to instil in her that we eat healthy foods to be fit and strong, it's not always about the numbers on the scale

So no it's not as easy as saying its abuse, but we must understand that what we give our children to eat can be of serious detriment to their health if we don't get it right.

Modern, sedentary lifestyles are screwing up our bodies

No. The simple truth is that you will get fatter if you eat more calories than you burn off. If you are sedentary you do not need so many calories.

After all, lots of people are confined to wheelchairs, for example, but they are not all obese or even overweight at all.

Getyercoat, I have to agree about the ignorance thing to be honest, my neighbours dont know how to cook fresh food,everything they eat is our the freezer, they spend a lot of time at Mcdoanalds and then rub my sons nose in it, however at least I know he has a good varied healthy diet.

I do believe that allowing a child to remain obese can be neglectful, although it can sneak up on you a bit when they are growing so fast.

My own child is on the borderline centile BMI for obesity, and because there is currently a legal battle in place to try to regain residence of her after her father refused to return her to me after a period of her being in his care (homelessness on my part), there's nothing I can fucking do about it because he refuses to even acknowledge it as a problem.

To me that is neglect. I don't care about our own battles, to refuse to do something about our child's health simply because you won't admit it is a problem, that's deeply troubling to me. I don't want to limit our child in any way, I just want to involve local services to educate/encourage healthy choices and more activity, and have things monitored. I want this because I have health issues that may be hereditary and will definitely be affected by being overweight in the future, and because I don't want our child to have to deal with the stigma of being overweight that society places on individuals.

I don't expect there is an easy fix or think that a child getting overweight in the first place is necessarily parental neglect, but obesity could be considered a sign of possible neglect, particularly when nothing is being done about ensuring a child lives a basic healthy lifestyle, where they are encouraged to be active and to make healthy food choices the majority of the time. Perhaps I'm too close to the subject, and there are certainly other indicators of neglect in other areas in my case, but I do know that this matter is being taken very seriously by the school and CAFCASS.

But why allow a child to get fat in the hope they might shoot up and become tall and slim?

I don't think if you have 2 very tall very slim parents one of whom was a huge hungry child it is going to be that much of a leap of faith to assume that a child will end up like the parents, very tall and very slim despite being an obese child like one of the parents

What do you do with a 1 year old who is starving and wants food. Let her scream because it is better for her to be hungry than be overweight.

On the other hand a relative, when she was born, needed feeding constantly. Her mum was feeding her bottle after bottle. Her gp said she needed to stop as she was a tiny baby and didn't need so much food. Her mum stopped feeding and the baby screamed non stop and lost dramatic amounts of weight in the space of 3 days. It was thought that the mum was starving her child. Both her dad and his brother need around 10000 calories per day just to stay the same weight. Both are very tall and weighed around 7.5 stone.

I think you need to look at genetics, one portion size does not fit all.

I think it's a complicated issue with lots of ignorance and denial involved.

I work with children of juniors and secondary ages. There is a localised class element to this as well. People with more disposable income have better access to formal sporting activities that better balance calories in/ out.

In the secondary age group, I'll see stocky, overweight children. They then stretch out in their growth spurt phase, but when that passes, they then pile on the surpluses. By 15, so many of the girls have heavy, matronly figures and the boys look like rugby players who have passed their peak. I feel sad about it because starting adulthood like that means that they'll have weight as a physical and psychological barrier to a healthier active lifestyle, and it will be a big effort and lifestyle change to lose reach a healthy range. By that point, parental influence is fading and so many of my students drink large daily quanities of sugary drinks.

When I take the DCs swimming, there are increasing numbers of children with multiple rolls of fat. From the toddler classes it starts with the chubby toddler look that some may grow beyond, and they do have parents of similar build which probably skews their perception of normal.

DS2 is of stockier build than DS1,but both have a healthy amount of ribs and vertebrae on display. DS1 looks remarkably like the Peter illustrations from the Peter and Jane books, which looks thin compared to the range of children I see, but both my DCs have consistently held a weight centile in line with their height.

They have large appetites, but snacking isn't encouraged. They will self regulate. Some days they will demolish large portions and other days they'll be more picky. I try to get them out and active for instance today I took advantage of a break in the rain for a short trip to the playground. Their diet is mixed, neither one extreme nor the other. Across the week it balances out.

I think obesity could be considered abuse at the point where a parent wilfully ignores advice on their child's health and their weight continues to deteriorate. There is such a large range of factors at play; routine treats/ snacks, oversized portions, high calorie foods, convenience foods, lack of time, lack of money, access to outdoor space, herd mentality, advertising, pride, sedentary activities, loss of independence, transport...

There is a culture that needs to change. Sadly the change for life messages are corrupted, and schools have too much pressure on their time for a narrow list of accademic priorites. Maybe there needs to be more monitoring between reception and year 6.

All I can do for my children is to continue living a fairly moderate and active lifestyle so that hopefully they'll have a decent template to fall back on when they begin to assert their own choices.

I don't think if you have 2 very tall very slim parents one of whom was a huge hungry child it is going to be that much of a leap of faith to assume that a child will end up like the parents, very tall and very slim despite being an obese child like one of the parents

But today's kids are far more sedantry than their parents were. They also mostly eat bigger portions than their parents did and snack more often.

Either way, it's a stupid risk to take if you don't have a crystal ball.

I think our perspective is so skewed on what a healthy weight is too that people who do know enough about nutrition to know better don't even notice their children are overweight. You only need to read threads on here to see how many people are deluded about what slim is in an adult, so quite natural people see children who are equally overweight as normal size.