Is having overweight kids child abuse?

[Mummyme1987]

A friend posted on Fb that parents with fat kids are child abusers. Except for kids with medical problems. It started with comments on how it's awful that there's a generous fit section in clothes shops. I'm shocked that people think this. I think the majority of parents don't just feed their kids crap, and some kids are bigger than others, and unless it is a very extreme case it's not child abuse. Thoughts?

Letting a child eat giant bars of chocolate and never get any exercise is negligence, whatever their weight. I wouldn't use the word abuse although in rare cases it could apply. I like to be optimistic and think most parents love their dc and just need a bit of support in some areas. You don't know what bigger issues can be going on in a family either. The problem with sweeping fb status updates is they are usually concocted by eejits.

There is a culture of parents boasting about the huge portions their kids eat. I have never understood it.

I worry about one of my dd's, I really have to keep my eye on the ball regarding her weight. She would eat a huge portion of dinner if given the chance, and would then go for seconds. She has polished off I don't know how many Easter eggs over the past few days, from well meaning family I know most children have, and my others have, but it's quite frustrating for me as a parent to watch. I know you could say to limit them, or give them in moderation, but tell that to her grandparents who open them for them and tell me not to be silly
I very occassionally weigh her, maybe twice a year and she's just borderline overweight. I worry about the future and when I'm no longer in control of her eating and activity, because she has such a tendency to over eat.
I wouldn't call it child abuse, but I think the blame does lie with the parents.

Most people who I know who "never put on weight" watch it more closely than you'd think.

This is very true. Like lastqueen I have always had a BMI in the low 20s & will eat a big lump of cake if there's some going, but I keep active, reduce portions to accommodate the occasional snack, have reduced portions as I've got older & will explain this to the "How can you eat like that & say so slim?" brigade.

Calories in, calories out - simple maths. I know portion control & avoiding eating too man snacks isn't simple for some though

I know you could say to limit them, or give them in moderation, but tell that to her grandparents who open them for them and tell me not to be silly

Errm yes I would very much tell that to the grandparents.

Why wouldn't you?

girlie my family is the same. But I wonder how much is genetics and how much is habits and attitude being passed on. Genetics explain dd being tall, thin and slight, while one of her friends looks like one of the Williams sisters, despite both having v low body fat. It doesn't explain why child x from school had thighs like a plus size model by age 9. Her mothers attitude to food and exercise did though.

I'm only in my early 30's and there were v few fat children when I was at school. Genetics don't explain why there are now loads.

Either mn children put on weight at the sight of a biscuit or there is a lot of food underreporting going on. Dd 6 would be constantly hungry on some of the days' menus described above. She is 117 cm tall and around 2 stone 11 - she has a small bar of chocolate everyday coming off the school bus, pudding at school (hit and miss if she eats it choc crispy cake yes - pineapple upside down cake no), breakfast, cooked school lunch, wrap when she gets home then dinner plus pudding (normally ice cream) snacks popcorn, fruit or crackers. Admittedly she doesn't like bread or bread food and not a huge fan of meat.

She comes from chubby stock but we can't keep the weight on her. I dread to think what she would look like if we took the treats away!

but tell that to her grandparents who open them for them and tell me not to be silly

tell them straight. I had to tell my parents as they are trey happy. Which is why I was over weight from my early teens. They mum went from being very careful to having loads of treats in when dad got a better paid job.

I told them I didn't want to hear anything about me being silly. How old is your dd? Can you start educating her?

Quite honestly, I don't care who is here. I don't let the kids gorge on crap. Even if it is Easter or Christmas. If the adults don't like it they can leave.

Quokka my son eats small portions but is quite stocky. No fat on him but braid shoulders and tall. Small waist etc.

He often won't eat breakfast a sandwich for lunch and then half his portion at tea time.

Dd used to eat like a horse and out weight in easy. All kids are different.

I dread to think what she would look like if we took the treats away!

Probably like any other child who doesn't eat a lot of sugary snacks.

There have always been thin children but there hasn't always been snacks in abundance for them to eat. So I expect meal portion sizes would be a tad bigger.

I know a few friends who have had dc who were obese. 1 friends dd at 11 months was getting through huge man-sized portions for breakfast lunch and dinner. Nothing would fill her and she grew and grew bigger and bigger. by the age of 8 she was average height and hugely fat. Then she started to grow taller. The girl is 16 now and about a size 2 and 6ft tall. Her mum was not worried and batted away any concerns over her dds weight as her dh had been exactly the same according to her MIL. It was a family joke about how much food her dh had got through when he was a baby. Her dh grew to be a super slim 6ft 6", my friend is a 6 footer also.

Sometimes you cannot tell what is going on. sometimes children widen out hugely then shoot up. A lot of boys I know started putting on weight when they were about 10/11 years old. By 14 years old they were all huge then by the time they reached their 16th birthday they had shot up to be very slim 6 footers. One grew 8" in the 6 weeks holiday.

You cannot tell which parents are being neglectful about their childrens diet and which have family traits where they suddenly shoot up in adolescence/young adult hood.

But why allow a child to get fat in the hope they might shoot up and become tall and slim?

It's a bit of a silly risk to take, isn't it?

Quokka that seems like a lot of chocolate/sugar/junk for a little girl every day.

It's just unnecessary, isn't it?

But why allow a child to get fat in the hope they might shoot up and become tall and slim?

Exactly.

What if they don't shoot up. My dd has always been short. Maybe oh lidl have ignored the fact that she was putting on weight assuming she becomes tall in the next five years?

It doesn't even make sense. If kids are stacking on weight despite having a healthy diet. That's one thing. If they are eating crap, it's still not good for them

I get all kids are different but to read the below every poster has kids which attend a school with plus. 50% obese kids and they feed their children the equivalent of a nut for breakfast, salad with no dressing for lunch and a baked potato or half a sandwich for tea with a 'treat' once every full moon.

Dd's school is a forest school don't know if it makes a difference but there are a handful of kids I would say look overweight and they tend to be on the broad growing into their frame spectrum.

Crucially dd has an off switch - she had an Easter egg yesterday and left more than 3/4 because she had enough and put it in the fridge for later. Possibly because no food in our house is good or bad or banned - it is food to be enjoyed.

You're absolutely right. We need to be firmer with both sets of grandparents. They didn't feed us like that growing up, nor would they eat like that (all slim, fit and healthy) so I just can't understand how they think it's acceptable to feed my children like that. My mum gave my DC a full Easter egg each today, and actually offered them a second one a few hours later, then acted like I was being unreasonable when I said no. That is pretty disgusting IMO, regardless of what the DC weigh. That is what I'm up against

Mum wouldn't believe for a second that one of mine is at the higher end of a healthy bmi/close to overweight but I guessed from her needing a size up in clothes, despite her height being average. I don't want to obsess about it, but I'm very aware of it.

Possibly because no food in our house is good or bad or banned - it is food to be enjoyed.

I agree this is a good thing.

quokka few kids will starve themselves. Bet if you ditched the crap she'd eat meals. I've had kids here who supposedly don't eat much proper food, but I find by 9pm on a sleepover when they realise I'm still not topping up their missed dinner with crap, they'll eat something decent. Same for afternoon visits when skipping lunch doesn't result in me handing round crisps and cake at 3pm.

I get all kids are different but to read the below every poster has kids which attend a school with plus. 50% obese kids and they feed their children the equivalent of a nut for breakfast, salad with no dressing for lunch and a baked potato or half a sandwich for tea with a 'treat' once every full moon.

Dd's school is a forest school don't know if it makes a difference but there are a handful of kids I would say look overweight and they tend to be on the broad growing into their frame spectrum.

Crucially dd has an off switch - she had an Easter egg yesterday and left more than 3/4 because she had enough and put it in the fridge for later. Possibly because no food in our house is good or bad or banned - it is food to be enjoyed.

Portion size is a huge problem with overweight kids, anyone recall the experiment Supernanny did once showing the size of a kids portion of pasta? A lot of kids get served adult sized portions, so their stomachs are then used to a certain amount if food before they feel full. I wouldn't call it abuse, I reserve that for far worse crimes but it can be unintentionally and neglectful to feed kids too much/the wrong food. There is so much bullying that obese kids get, it's heartbreaking.

then acted like I was being unreasonable when I said no. That is pretty disgusting IMO, regardless of what the DC weigh. That is what I'm up against

I just say to my mum 'you wouldn't have let me eat like that'

You aren't up against anything. They are your kids and your are responsible for their health and well being. Weight aside, 2 Easter eggs isn't healthy.

I get all kids are different but to read the below every poster has kids which attend a school with plus. 50% obese kids and they feed their children the equivalent of a nut for breakfast, salad with no dressing for lunch and a baked potato or half a sandwich for tea with a 'treat' once every full moon.

See no matter what way you look at it, that just simply isn't true.

I don't know about neglect. I have met parents who acknowledged their child was quite large, but they seemed to be in denial about it. Denial as in, Whether it mattered, whether they should try to do anything about it or whether they can do anything about it. 4 examples:

"He's just large because his dad is big... I suppose he does drink a lot of smoothies, too."

"She's only 6yo and I'm having to buy clothes that are age 11 for her waistline and have them altered. It's costing me a fortune!" with no comments whatsoever about other solutions.

"Yes we're very concerned that she shouldn't get heavy like her mother": when the 7yo girl was still just slightly pudgy. This family promptly bought a car & stopped walking everywhere. Within a few yrs, the girl is huge.

Mum is large, dad is plump, little girl is obese. Seems a whole family problem there.

I believe parents have a responsibility to ensure their children eat a healthy diet and maintain a healthy weight, so yes I do believe it's cruel and neglectful to let your child become over weight, medical issues aside. Overweight children often become overweight adults and by the time adulthood rolls around the issue is more difficult to tackle, ingrained habits are more difficult to change.

Someone close to me has a child who has piled on the weight over the past year. It's because they're not active enough and the child spends far too much time in front of a screen, I've nothing against 'screen time' but I don't think it's healthy to allow a child to spend all their free time in front of one. Add in the constant snacking on all the wrong things (claims to be 'always hungry', maybe because they are eating too many empty calories). The child's sibling isn't over weight at all despite eating an identical diet and that's because they are a lot more active. The parents believe the weight will drop off during adolescence but there's no guarantee, they've also had a letter from the school nurse detailing concerns over the child's weight, they have ignored it and refused to tackle the issue head on and incidentally have made it the child's problem. I can't help but feel they are doing their child a massive disservice by doing so.