Is having overweight kids child abuse?

[Mummyme1987]

A friend posted on Fb that parents with fat kids are child abusers. Except for kids with medical problems. It started with comments on how it's awful that there's a generous fit section in clothes shops. I'm shocked that people think this. I think the majority of parents don't just feed their kids crap, and some kids are bigger than others, and unless it is a very extreme case it's not child abuse. Thoughts?

I don't think it is abuse

It is not great, often a bit Sad. But not "abuse". No need for overweight kids to be taken from their families IMO

What if the parents are making no attempt to change things BabyGanoush?

the mystery is: why do some people NEVER put on weight?

Worra, I know parents who try but fail.

It seems to be very hard for some people not to overeat.

Most people who I know who "never put on weight" watch it more closely than you'd think. Whenever there is birthday cake at work I'll have a decent slice and I'm pretty slim (bmi was 20 before I went away for the Easter weekend...) cue half the women in the office goin oh my god how can you eat like that (ie one slice of cake...) well it might be the running 50 miles a week and the otherwise never snacking? Whereas they "watch their weight" but make mistakes like eating huuuuge quantities of dried fruit, sugary fruit juices, loads of high cal salad dressings.

I'm a firm believer in calories in calories out and I think there are far fewer outliers than people really want to admit.

It is not great, often a bit Sad. But not "abuse". No need for overweight kids to be taken from their families IMO

Whoa if they should be taken away. Often when parents are neglecting their kids they are worked with. Unless it's very extreme.

Personally I think taking a child away should be a very last resort. After everything has been exhausted.

But no one is suggesting all kids with a high bmi should be removed from their parents immediately

I agree families of very overweight children need support. I know there is that Morelife project but I think that's in very select areas.
No one needs to have kids removed but I think some people really need educating on what and how much it's appropriate to feed a child.

Yes and maybe modern life makes people fat

But SS taking fat kids away from their parents is not a solution.

That teacher who took her class for a run every day was onto something I reckon.

But saying that, it is hard to fight "modern lifestyles". People are do used to not being active

Lastqueen, I know what you mean. We had a fish and chip lunch....but also did a 3hr walk.

The thing is a lot of babies are being weaned with more food than they need in one sitting

This ^^ I knew someone who fed her 6 month old a huge portion of lunch. Suitable for a five year old. Plus 8oz of milk followed by juice and a homemade sugar free pudding. All home made healthy food.

She couldn't understand why he was sick after every meal. He wolfed it down then brought it up. Any suggestion she was feeding him too much was met with her being aggressive. He was a very fat baby, until he got to about 18 months and became picky.

He hardly eats at all now and is very skinny. But he associates meals with vomiting.

She is doing the same with her dd, who is 15 months. She is very overweight and weighs as much as her four year old brother.

I wouldn't think much of the parent to be honest.

Baby the other thing with people who never put on weight is that they're often "fat" on the inside. My grandad was a perfect example of this- ate like a horse and was lucky in that he could eat whatever he wanted and not put on a pound. He spent 35 years of my grandparents prosperity in the 70s, 80s, 90s and 00s eating cheese, red meat, double cream and red wine. He was whippet thin and rambled- for miles and miles almost every day of the week- too so it sort of made sense. When I say thin I mean almost painfully so... I remember us all on holiday when I was early teens and in the swimming pool you could see his ribs. He was more than 6ft and weighed 10 stone but ate like no one else I've ever met and of course was considered hugely lucky because he never put on a pound.

Then when I was late teens he had a massive heart attack. Investigations showed his heart was basically fucked- he had a quadruple bypass and was told that his diet was a disaster. He died six years later from another massive heart attack after trying to eat sensibly ever since he bypass but he was in his seventies and his eating habits were so deeply intrenched. I think too because he was still such a skinny guy he found it very hard to make the connection in his brain between what he ate and the damage it was doing to his body... Maybe if he had gotten fat it might have made more sense in his head.

Not to mention how the size of wine glasses have ballooned, obv not affecting children's weight but a sign of the huge changes!
Sorry, been ironing worra he began filling out a bit at the start of secondary, so age 11 but was looking 'fat' by start of year 9, he's late in the year so aged 13. He would now be considered obese but is not in the category of 'huge' wobbling fat, he's rugby player solid & actually weighs much heavier than he looks. He has always had a healthy appetite (read greedy) that we have monitored as much as we can but this was when he started night raiding & I would find empty drinks bottles, Pringles tubes & sweet packets in his room, that he'd bought on the way home from school. We obv talked about health/ weight impacts, encouraged as much exercise as we could although he is def on the reluctant side & tried to monitor what he was spending on. I had already long converted to packed lunches except for 1 day a week but found he was spending the money in poundland on the way home. I had already changed school transport to include a 20 mim walk each way, this gave him the freedom to go via cheap shops changed to full packed lunches. We went on an all inclusive hol & it was a nightmare trying to manage him, like he has no off button. This is largely my difficulty, I can do as much as I can think to help & mainly keep of what he eats at home but its so hard as he is now obviously of an age where he has to make choices without his mummy! I really hope he hasn't put on too much by the time he's matured to make it feel like it's unsurmountable. Compounded by not being selected for the sports he loves out of the many things we've introduced to him & encouraged him in. I'm all for competitive sports but I feel there's a real need for kids like my ds to be encouraged to have a love for sport that should last a lifetime. Whatever their ability they want to play the game, not just train. It seems to me that there's ample opportunity for sporty kids to be fast tracked & they're also the ones that get to play at local level, and the others are overlooked, because theyre more likely to win. Hope this makes sense!

"Modern Life" cannot make anyone fat.

Consuming more calories than you expend is the reason. If "modern life" means you are more sedentary, you need less calories than an active person.

BabyGanoush I'm pretty sure you're the only person on the thread who mentioned SS taking children away from their parents?

baby it's very simple. Through only eating what you need. Rather than because you're bored/ it's there/ tastes nice/ you're not full/ it's a certain time etc. I'm not saying it's simple to change your mindset if that doesn't come naturally, but the basic physical explanation is simple. I've never thought of whether I should/ shouldn't eat, or limited myself, and I eat loads by anyone's standards. If I started eating cake and biscuits 'just because' even though my body isn't telling me it really needs sugar, and now, I'm sure I'd gain weight like anyone else. But I enjoy eating to satisfy hunger, not enjoy eating for it's own sake. If I'm not hungry it just doesn't interest me.

Basically I eat to live, rather than live to eat.

Ahh I see ready. Sorry, missed your post before I last posted.

We have a culture of over eating, over feeding and under exercising. Never before have children eaten so much and moved so little when at the same time we are bombarded with healthy eating information and warning labels on food.

Despite all the information people still supplement main meals with unessesary snacks and treats that are full of extra calories. I didn't grow up with snacks between meals and treats a few times a day. Many kids today do not move enough to burn anything near the number of calories they consume. They are glued to a screen most of the time.

Toddlers are are given constant snacks to keep them quiet at home and when out and about so food has become a passifier and something to do when you are bored rather than actually hungry. What sort of message does this teach kids?

So yes there is some truth in what you are saying OP but it's usually more a case of bad choices than abuse.

You see it all the time with the weaning boasts "ohhh my LO just ate 2 jars of food and a yogurt, what a big girl/boy" done obviously with beaming pride.

My 5yo eats adult portions

My 6yo had seconds

That wouldn't touch the sides on my childs hunger

All said with pride.

There was a thread on here a few weeks ago where the op was wondering why her toddler was wanting seconds it ran for pages and pages almost totally full of posts highlighting how much more their kids are and how teeny tiny her portions were with several posters quite agressively calling her a child abusing anorexic and posts beggingHQ to locate her and contact SS.

Yes her food amounts were in the low side but they were not that low,yes she needed a small increase but it was only a small one it was no where near the increase that the vast majority of posters were saying .

Most of the portions described by others berating her were oversized.

I have never entered into one of these emotive type threads before, apologies for rambling posts, it's been interesting to join. Reading my own problems & others comments makes me think perhaps we do need more help & im going to try the doctor again. I realise our situation is quite different to many of the children you are discussing, I'm a responsible parent with a good knowledge of nutrition, it can still certainly have its challenges.

I do think genetics can play a part in weight control, no one in my family is over weight. All of us pretty skinny, I once went on holiday with a good friend for 2 weeks and we ate roughly the same amount. However I lost weight and she put it on!

That said I do think its irresponsible/lazy to feed your kids rubbish and not encourage them to do exercise but not sure i would go as far to say its abuse.

I also wish secondary schools would provide healthier options. DDs school canteen sells doughnuts, cakes, pizzas and a tuck shop full of chocolate and sweets. The healthy options are much more expensive so guess which ones most kids choose.

I'm not sure that's genetics. I think it's just eating or not eating to your body's personal requirement.

Toddlers are are given constant snacks to keep them quiet at home and when out and about so food has become a passifier and something to do when you are bored rather than actually hungry. What sort of message does this teach kids?

Yes ^^ this.

I'm pretty sure the overweight Mumsnetters of the future will blame their parents for giving them snacks to keep them quiet and occupied.

Just like a lot of today's overweight Mumsnetters blame their parents for making them clear their plates.

Ds9 has hollow legs.

He could eat morning to night if he was allowed to. But he's not allowed to. End of story.

We have one treat day a week unless there's a special occasion.

He does martial arts 4 times a week as it's his pride and joy. He plays out. He swims.

On training days or competition days I increase his food because he's burning off so much more calories.

He's a total gamer. Would live on the play station if he was allowed. He's not allowed. It goes on at the weekends only and for restricted time.

It's not society it's parental decisions for the most part.