Is having overweight kids child abuse?

[Mummyme1987]

A friend posted on Fb that parents with fat kids are child abusers. Except for kids with medical problems. It started with comments on how it's awful that there's a generous fit section in clothes shops. I'm shocked that people think this. I think the majority of parents don't just feed their kids crap, and some kids are bigger than others, and unless it is a very extreme case it's not child abuse. Thoughts?

I do think its abuse if there aren't medical reasons or the parents aren't trying to do something about it. Too big portions of food, too much junk food (something I've been guilty of lately and trying to make excuses for myself - reading this thread has made me a bit ashamed) and not enough exercise - children need two hours of exercise every day that makes them sweat and get out of breath and I doubt most children get that.

You don't sound that big to me Fell, just tall and sturdy.

ilovecrisps that is, actually, a real issue. My MIL, who is well-meaning but not especially sharp, thought that I could turn DD anorexic by making her aware she was overweight. I have explained, time and again, that anorexia is not about wanting to be slim, it is a mental health issue that manifests itself that way. Ironically, I consider overeating (and in secret, the way my DD does) to be as much of a mental health issue as anorexia. Two sides of one coin.

ready you can only control it when they live at home and food, exercise, how they spend their money is down to the parents.

Once they're adults, you can't do any more for them, especially if they've moved out.

That's why it's so important that parents get a handle on this, in the short amount of years they have any kind of control.

I have a 13yr old and a nearly 17yr old and right now I am partially responsible for what they eat, and how they spend their money.

If I see them spending their money on too much crap, or not getting out of the house enough, I'll do my best to put a stop to it.

They don't always listen, but had I allowed them to get fat as they were growing up, they would have big problems now.

Thank you tiggy for those statistics.
It's a widespread problem.

So as I said, I've done everything I can

Well you said that better than I could have Grumpy!

My mum and dad both smoked and my dad was brilliant about it; he would honestly explain how bad it was for him but he was addicted (he started before the dangers were publicised.) Just very matter of fact; I hope to do the same with food.

(He did give up when I was about 7?)

At what age did your 14yr old become overweight ready?

At Dds primary the school dinner grumbles I heard weren't about quantity for genuinely hungry kids. They were about greed. Dd and some others with healthy large appetites never had any problems with quantity, because cheap bulk such as potatoes and veg were doled out freely. Portion complaints were about their dc being starved because they only got 2, rather than 4 fish fingers, and a banana for desert. Or because dc didn't eat potatoes/ rice/ veg, and chips weren't on offer that day. Or because second or larger portions of waffles/ sausages etc weren't handed out.

grumpy can you good the GP without her. She doesn't even need to know.

I did that with my dd when I noticed she put on weight.

Talking about portions sizes. Most kids eat at home more than out. If you are serving correct portions at home, most kids wouldn't be able to finish full size portions outside the home. Obviously some kids could stuff themselves but a lot wouldn't.

You can't always wait for society to change.

Me and dh also banned the 'finish everything your plate' rule years ago. I don't think that is helpful and encourages kids to eat past full.

ilovevegcrisps we're the same in my house regarding weight.

It's never been a taboo subject to be swept under the carpet.

Gaining/losing weight is a natural part of life and if my kids think they're getting a bit podgy, they'll be the first to say so. They certainly wouldn't be offended if me or my DH pointed out that they need more exercise, because to them it's perfectly natural.

I agree with all the things about portion control. I all too often when out for meals with dd (4) have to section off small amounts for her to eat because they supply such a large daunting meal for her. She had a child's roast yesterday and honestly it was a size that would have suited me, let alone her!

I also agree you don't need sports centres etc to be active. I'm in Shropshire too. There's so many other things you can do to be active around here, you simply don't need a gym. I hate gyms. Would much rather pay for a hours horse ride, or ride my bike somewhere. Walk up one of the many hills etc around here. There's plenty to be done for adults and children. Maybe not every single day but enough to keep things interesting. But then I'm also from the generation where if there was a vague hint of sunshine you were outside. Don't think we even had computer games to play!

I think a lot of people have very odd ideas about what a normal portion is, what reasonable healthy eating is and what a meal is.

Ive come across children with problems because there parents have little to no understanding of the difference between a healthy adult diet and a healthy childs one,

Ones with no comprehension of a healthy diet full stop.

both in real life and on here we have huge amounts of adults who think others are being rude or intollerant if they only like certain foods and drinks. You see it on almost every fussy eater thread. Often these fussy eaters are ones who can't drink water or anything that is not coke they can't eat veg not any of any description and they like to dump half a bottle of ketchup on everything they eat, does that really model decent eating habits to their children?

Or the other way we have the ones who rip apart fairly ok daily menus in a ridiculous fashion playing no regard at all for the fact that children do need fruit and veg and a small amount of fat to function.

Sandwiches wraps,soups and things like that get called snacks not meals

And so many people eat so much more than they actually need, eating has to be an 'experance' or something that 100% of the time has to delight you and be one of your favourite things rather than fuel to support your body.

Getting an exercise bike might be a good solution for those who live in places where its difficult to get exercise outside and no sport centres.

The thing with exercise is that if you want to do it, either because you love it or because it is necessary, you will.

But I feel personally exercise is something you have to learn to like.

The thing is a lot of babies are being weaned with more food than they need in one sitting.

I've seen a few threads over the years where babies aged 18months are being fed 4 Weetabix in one sitting. As an adult I could just about manage 3 if I was very hungry.

Babies don't need to be eating adult sized portions even if they appear to be able to. There's such a thing as giving them water and some time to digest and become full.

I agree needs and worrel. What people consider a normal portion amazes me sometimes. It almost seems a race to whose child can eat the most when weaning.

My brother always could eat LOADS mind and not put on weight.

He is still like this aged 37, sadly I am not!

My brother was the same until he hit 43 ilovevegcrisps.

Now he looks like he's carrying twins

Ha ha ha there's hope then!

He got the spots and braces though poor sod, when we were teens obviously.

I don't know what the answer is but I can't see it going away.

I was obese as are my sisters, our mum fed us rubbish, takeaways far too often. I do believe it is negligent. It's taken me a long time to develop a healthy attitude to food, I taught myself to cook. I really feel sad that my Mum couldn't feed us well due to her own issues, especially since becoming a parent myself. My sisters are both still obese, both early/mid 20's and developing a lot to health problems as a result. Not to mention mental health issue due to years of bullying etc.

Agree about portions - frankly ridiculous nowadays. I have heard people boasting "she eats as much as her dad" about 6,8,10 yo children - nothing to boast about IMO - children who if not overweight are at least oversized - overfed children become tall before they become fat.

ilovevegcrisps no I don't think I am especially fat or ever was as a kid- I was using my own situation to illustrate how I don't think I was abused despite being less than stick thin, but that I think my DH definitely was.

I was recently clearing out my late mother's home and came across a thermos/vacuum jug meant to keep hot foods hot, for a lunch. Judging by the plastic and the style/color it was probably purchased in the mid-80s.

I was struck by the tiny portion. Maybe a cup -- less than a standard tea or coffee mug. And that apparently was considered a normal adult portion for a lunch of soup, chili, pasta or whatever else one chose to keep hot and take to work or school.

No wonder fewer people were obese 30 years ago. Now a quick Google and the first item that turns up (via Walmart, naturally is a 10oz container, and the second is a 20oz "personal crockpot lunch carrier." That is easily 2x-4x the portion that apparently was considered normal little more than a generation ago.

I attend vintage sales/antique shops etc. quite often and also am struck by the difference in sizes between then and now. The bowls of my antique Johnson Bros. "Friendly Village" dinnerware are tiny by comparison to the huge slop troughs that are sold with current mass market sets of plates and bowls. Drinking glasses also are gigantic by comparison. The sheer gluttony is pretty disgusting when you think about it.

YANBU. I agree it IS abuse when the parents are not taking action against their childs obesity.