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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to take what I paid for from cheating partner without discussion

459 replies

Earworm · 25/03/2016 16:09

My partner recently told me that he didn't feel invested in our relationship. I suggested that I move out for a short period to give us both some headspace. I suspected there was someone else involved and asked him, but he denied it. I found FB messages and photos that had been sent to him from this girl, and he still denied it. 4 days after I left (at this point we hadn't actually split up) I found out that he had gone out with the girl and slept with her. We went to a counselling session and he said he was committed to working things out, but he refused to cut contact with her, so I moved out permanently. I've arranged to move into an unfurnished flat.

His flat was a shell when I moved in. I bought a whole new freestanding kitchen to replace the 2 cupboards he had, got the bathroom tiled, had a shower fitted and got new lights fitted. I replaced his broken bed frame, we sold his sofa (he got the money) and bought a new one which I 'm still paying for. I lifted all the laminate in the living room and carried it down 3 flights myself and replaced it with carpet.

He's gone away this weekend with this new girl and when he comes back, he'll have relatives with him to stay as they have a family funeral. I feel like a heartless bitch to go in and take the sofa, the bed frame and a couple of the kitchen units. He'll have an armchair to sit on and a mattress to sleep on. And he also owes me £1500 for a credit card.

OP posts:
Niklepic · 25/03/2016 18:28

Take everything and then change the WiFi password.

giantpurplepeopleeater · 25/03/2016 18:29

Get the lot. Even the kitchen. You have evidence it's yours and he owes you money anyway

ZenNudist · 25/03/2016 18:31

How about a smear of fish paste around the top of the lightbulbs. Keep him guessing for months.

Dh's idea 😛

Abed · 25/03/2016 18:32

It did this to a cheating girlfriend once, it felt good.

Abed · 25/03/2016 18:32

I did*

Keeptrudging · 25/03/2016 18:36

It's yours, take it. Show him the same thoughtfulness as he's shown you. I always regretted not taking the things I'd bought for the flat I shared with ex. It meant I had to start from scratch in an unfurnished flat, leaving everything behind. Huge expense that I shouldn't have had.

bakeoffcake · 25/03/2016 18:41

Hope OP is in their now taking back her property.

You could also place some prawns on top of his curtains.Grin

NeedsAsockamnesty · 25/03/2016 18:42

jolse

I'm not a removals person, even if he makes that accusation she does not need to prove she owns it it's also highly unlikely it would be treated as anything other than a civil dispute and with those she only needs to show that it's more likely she purchased the items rather than actual 100% proof.

I'm a DA consultant so the people I help move are even more at risk of this accusation than most.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 25/03/2016 18:42

But I wouldn't vandalise anything

SouthWesterlyWinds · 25/03/2016 18:43

😂😂 at changing the wifi password

MammaTJ · 25/03/2016 18:44

I hope she is busy taking her stuff and changing the wi-fi password! Genius suggestion Niklepic!!

Arkhamasylum · 25/03/2016 18:44

You can't take fixtures and fittings from a flat you've sold, but this is a different situation. If the OP has paid for the stuff, she can do what the hell she likes with it, surely.

Did you pay for the lightbulbs, OP? Take them too.

Eustace2016 · 25/03/2016 18:45

In law arguably the items bought may be a gift for him, particularly those like units which become fixtures and fittings to the property he owns.

However he is not likely to sue so I wouldn't be too worried about that.

Next time you buy the flat and perhaps don't move someone in - just keep it as your property and boyfriends can come and go but not move in. It's a lot simpler that way and you're building up the capital asset rather than just living in a boyfriend's flat.

Arkhamasylum · 25/03/2016 18:47

Oh yes! The WiFi password. Can you change the WiFi account name to 'Total Cocklodger at number xxx'?

PhoenixReisling · 25/03/2016 18:47

Change the wifi password to

Cocklodger

PhoenixReisling · 25/03/2016 18:48

Cross post with Ark......great minds and all that Grin

Hissy · 25/03/2016 18:50

Nope, take the router too

LottieDoubtie · 25/03/2016 18:54

How's it going OP have you done the deed?

I would take every last thing of mine, the more inconvienient the better...

bettyberry · 25/03/2016 18:54

I'd have put cling film over the toilet seat
pots of flour with string tied to doors in cupboards.
I'd have super glued the remote controls to the TV stand/coffee table.
Taken one of every shoe and hidden it in the loft.
Deleted ALL save data for games on any consoles.
Signed him for specific dating sites/gay porn.
removed all light bulbs and fuses from plugs.
left a pint of milk with a dose of laxative added.

Grin
GabiSolis · 25/03/2016 18:56

Just to add my voice to the support OP, take the fucking lot! I hope that's what you're doing right now!

Arkhamasylum · 25/03/2016 18:59

fistbumps Phoenix

Grin
HappyGoLuckyGirl · 25/03/2016 19:00

This thread is brilliant.

Do let us know if you went back and nabbed the lot.

LindyHemming · 25/03/2016 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 25/03/2016 19:01

Take the lot. Even if you have to get a storage unit to put it in. Every stick of furniture, every plate, the lot.

If you have a joint account empty it and report his card as stolen, then close the account.

Cancel any phone contract you may be paying or report the phone as stolen and get it stopped.

Change the wifi password to "ExpHasAMicr0Peni5" (then if you have to give it to him it will be fun) and the router name to "ExpWetsTheBed".

I might also be tempted to just give each tile I paid for a little tap with a hammer... probably illegal though

toastyarmadillo · 25/03/2016 19:02

Op please be not replying because your ransacking the flat! Definately take it all including the free standing kitchen