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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to take what I paid for from cheating partner without discussion

459 replies

Earworm · 25/03/2016 16:09

My partner recently told me that he didn't feel invested in our relationship. I suggested that I move out for a short period to give us both some headspace. I suspected there was someone else involved and asked him, but he denied it. I found FB messages and photos that had been sent to him from this girl, and he still denied it. 4 days after I left (at this point we hadn't actually split up) I found out that he had gone out with the girl and slept with her. We went to a counselling session and he said he was committed to working things out, but he refused to cut contact with her, so I moved out permanently. I've arranged to move into an unfurnished flat.

His flat was a shell when I moved in. I bought a whole new freestanding kitchen to replace the 2 cupboards he had, got the bathroom tiled, had a shower fitted and got new lights fitted. I replaced his broken bed frame, we sold his sofa (he got the money) and bought a new one which I 'm still paying for. I lifted all the laminate in the living room and carried it down 3 flights myself and replaced it with carpet.

He's gone away this weekend with this new girl and when he comes back, he'll have relatives with him to stay as they have a family funeral. I feel like a heartless bitch to go in and take the sofa, the bed frame and a couple of the kitchen units. He'll have an armchair to sit on and a mattress to sleep on. And he also owes me £1500 for a credit card.

OP posts:
JolseBaby · 25/03/2016 17:02

Needsasock - I am not suggesting the purchase proof for the house movers. I am suggesting it in case her arsehole Ex decides to be a twat and accuse her of stealing - at which point she can provide evidence that she owns all of the items she took.

SlimCheesy · 25/03/2016 17:03

also, if you have proof of paying half the mortgage etc take that.

Plus......does he have any items he does not use very often? Coffee maker, lawnmower, whatever? Remove a few screws on it and/or the fuse from inside it.

Gift that keeps on giving.

(Have to thank Dh's ex-wife for that little idea..... it would cause ruptions up to years after she left him).

Annecyinyourpantsy · 25/03/2016 17:04

Without a second thought! Let us know how you get on.

Fluffyears · 25/03/2016 17:07

I'd take it all.

aprilanne · 25/03/2016 17:13

first i would calm down .if you have reciepts for sofa and things fair enough .BUT you cannot take kitchen units door handles the likes they are fixture and fittings .you were just replacing them .if he goes to police you will be done with theft .do you really want that .yes its all right to be brave with morons encouraging you to strip the flat bare but legally you cant .i realise you are hurt but please dont come down to his level

HackerFucker22 · 25/03/2016 17:14

OP what the fuck were you thinking investing all that money (as well as time and effort) into sorting out his hovel with no protection should things go tits up?

Sorry but who the hell does this?

By all means take what you can prove is yours but kiss goodbye to your 1.5k.

Don't make the same mistake ever again.

Friendlystories · 25/03/2016 17:15

We have a big car and some free time if you're anywhere near us and need a hand OP Grin

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 25/03/2016 17:16

Take everything, you will only get one shot at it. When he comes back he'll definitely change the locks.

Don't lower yourself by messing with anything (as fun as it would be) it'll only give him ammunition down the line.

Flowers
PhoenixReisling · 25/03/2016 17:17

april the OP bought the kitchen.

herecomethepotatoes · 25/03/2016 17:17

Take it. IANAL, but I would.

seasideview · 25/03/2016 17:18

Hire a van and take everything you've paid for. This weekend might be the only chance you get.

ImperialBlether · 25/03/2016 17:19

I agree with April. Don't take fixtures and fittings. If you bought something and you can prove it - bank statement or receipt - then take it, obviously, just as you would take your clothes. Don't take a fitted kitchen though, ffs!

I'd leave a note giving him a month to come up with the money he owes you otherwise you will take him to the small claims court. Find a way of him paying you (eg PayPal) that doesn't involve meeting you.

BarbarianMum · 25/03/2016 17:20

Hacker I don't think OP needed protection to buy herself furniture. It's hers, she can take it and she has an unfurnished flat. Sounds ideal.

AyeAmarok · 25/03/2016 17:20

Yes take it, of course you should take it all. It's yours!

PegsPigs · 25/03/2016 17:21

Do it. I took what I could when I left my dick head abusive ex. I paid for the sofa, bed and TV. I could only take the TV. Still pissed off 15 years later. Do it or you'll regret the wasted opportunity!

JolseBaby · 25/03/2016 17:24

The kitchen is freestanding, not fitted, so I bloody well would have it.

What Hacker said is harsh but true. It's an easy mistake to make but chalk it up to experience and next time you move in with someone, make sure you protect yourself financially first.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 25/03/2016 17:25

Oh god yes - take some kipper and leave them in the airing cupboard while you're there

BitchyComment · 25/03/2016 17:25

I'd take what's definitely yours but I wouldn't take anything else and I wouldn't do anything vindictive --although I'd want to- Do you have a mutual friend that you could take to vouch for you IYSWIM

I text him and let him know, I'd be polite and matter of fact. There is no point getting nasty - it's over and you should feel lucky that you have got rid of him.

I'd leave the keys afterwards.

Make sure you change EVERY password to everything you can think of.

Why have you got a credit card bill of his? You need to sort this out and make sure you have nothing that links you to him financially. You might want to do a credit check at some stage.

DarkBlueEyes · 25/03/2016 17:27

I hope you're out there now. With your large van, loading it all in.

fuzzywuzzy · 25/03/2016 17:29

It's a free at basing kitchen of course she should take it she paid for it and needs one in her new flat.

Personally I would not cause damage or seek revenge in any other way.
You're well out of it

crabbiearses · 25/03/2016 17:33

I'm actually thinkinking i would take all the laminate floor too but don't do that you will probably get done for vandalism , go and take your sofa and units though and anything else freestanding thats yours, hurry before he comes back.

Shakey15000 · 25/03/2016 17:35

Absolutely I would take everything I paid for

littleleftie · 25/03/2016 17:39

Yes - take the lot. You paid for it and there is fuck all he can do about it. He's unlikely to pay you back what he owes you so this is probably your only chance.

Shame you can't set up a web cam to see his/her face when they get back and see it can you?

chillycurtains · 25/03/2016 17:41

The only problem that I can see is that if it is not actually your property then you are trespassing and potentially stealing? I don't know this and I don't think it's fair for this to be the case BUT the law is not always fair and you don't own the property despite paying some of the mortgage. Just keep it in mind and perhaps see advice first. It could be as you bought it that you can go and get it but you need him to be there or have given you permission first.

PinkSnowAndStars · 25/03/2016 17:41

I'm in Buckinghamshire if you need any help!!