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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to take what I paid for from cheating partner without discussion

459 replies

Earworm · 25/03/2016 16:09

My partner recently told me that he didn't feel invested in our relationship. I suggested that I move out for a short period to give us both some headspace. I suspected there was someone else involved and asked him, but he denied it. I found FB messages and photos that had been sent to him from this girl, and he still denied it. 4 days after I left (at this point we hadn't actually split up) I found out that he had gone out with the girl and slept with her. We went to a counselling session and he said he was committed to working things out, but he refused to cut contact with her, so I moved out permanently. I've arranged to move into an unfurnished flat.

His flat was a shell when I moved in. I bought a whole new freestanding kitchen to replace the 2 cupboards he had, got the bathroom tiled, had a shower fitted and got new lights fitted. I replaced his broken bed frame, we sold his sofa (he got the money) and bought a new one which I 'm still paying for. I lifted all the laminate in the living room and carried it down 3 flights myself and replaced it with carpet.

He's gone away this weekend with this new girl and when he comes back, he'll have relatives with him to stay as they have a family funeral. I feel like a heartless bitch to go in and take the sofa, the bed frame and a couple of the kitchen units. He'll have an armchair to sit on and a mattress to sleep on. And he also owes me £1500 for a credit card.

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 30/03/2016 22:45

Small claims would be quite risky for him and pointless and any respectable Solisitor who he consults will tell him that.

Risky because she paid towards his mortgage (I think she said that upthread) and that she didn't take anything he has a legit claim ones well as leaving things she also funded.

A Solisitor is duty bound to be honest and ethical and not fight losing battles with no merit

magoria · 30/03/2016 22:51

Very good response from the police.

It would be good to see him try small claims court considering she paid for the bathroom etc so may have a claim on the property.

He can't blame himself so has to blame Earworm. His poor new gf.

I hope it gets better for her soon.

Zhx3 · 30/03/2016 23:07

I hope things get better for her soon. It pales in comparison, but when an ex split with me (and was unnecessarily nasty about it), he said I could keep the ticket for a concert we were supposed to be going to. He obviously forgot about this and sent me lots of emails telling me where I could deliver it to him! When I ignored him, he was a right shitbag and called me every name under the sun, including a thief and a liar. He also made me out to be a psycho to his friends and family. Your friend's ex sounds like a similar type of shitbag.

Hissy · 30/03/2016 23:07

Thanks Tiver, I hope she can relax, knowing that for him to successfully take action (he won't) he'll have to prove he owns the things she has taken possession of. He can't.

She needs to block all those who harass her, and yes call police as often as she needs to

MyLlamasGoneBananas · 30/03/2016 23:11

Earworm. Hope you are ok.

I know it's all a bit shitty right now but bloody hell, be very proud of yourself. You won't regret taking back your stuff, not ever. You had some serious balls and rightly so. You are no walk over. Things will get easier and better as he calms down, he thought he had it all in the bag like many cheaters do. Thought he could move on all tickety boo. He's in a piss cos it's not gone to plan for him and I bet he looks a tit in front of everyone including his new woman.
Wine Here's a toast to better and brighter timesSmile

DownstairsMixUp · 30/03/2016 23:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

littleleftie · 31/03/2016 09:19

I doubt he will go through with the small claims threat as he must know he owes OP £1500.

This is a classic reaction of a man who has been severely embarrassed.

He has made himself out to be something he isn't. His new GF and his friends have seen him mortified and he cannot bear it and is lashing out.

He will be telling people OP is psycho etc but hopefully she doesn't give a shit. No matter what he thinks, those friends, and even the new gf will be thinking, "yes, but...." that little seed of doubt will be planted and they will slowly back away.

Keep calm OP. It sounds as if you have plenty to distract yourself with, and in years to come this will be less of a painful memory and more of an entertaining story.

Flowers
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 31/03/2016 09:24

He's an utter wanker.

I hope she's blocked and deleted his number and is logging any abusive calls or behaviour by him and his mates.

MmeGuillotine · 31/03/2016 12:34

What a complete and utter prick.

LordoftheTits · 31/03/2016 12:57

What a total cunt he sounds.

AcrossthePond55 · 31/03/2016 13:55

What a jerkwad. It's really shitty that on top of the breakup she's now having to deal with a vindictive prick. Fuck him and the horse he rode in on. And his 'friends' and their horses, too.

Tell her that 'the dogs may bark, but the caravan passes on'. She took what was legally hers bought and paid for. If he files (which I doubt he will) she should counter sue for what she left behind and the money he owes her.

Tell her to stand tall and walk on. As far as these idiots, block them, cut them dead.

Arfarfanarf · 31/03/2016 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 31/03/2016 14:18

He is calling her calculating & vindictive...and is crying & howling a lot

What a fucking baby he is. She's not calculating or vindictive - she's just taken her things. If he wants the nice things and to shag about he needs to buy the nice things himself.

I would enjoy him howling tbh.

starry0ne · 31/03/2016 14:26

You know you can hold his head up high..I bet there are a lot of people hearing a lot of misinformation...

This shows you his true colours OP...Better off out of it.

I would say he will be apart from your haven't left all the stuff for him... is the fact he hasn't been in control...He has controlled everything .Having the mortgage, you doing up his flat, his affair... Now you stand up to it no wonder he has spat his dummy out..Well rid

Flowers
MantaRayBay · 31/03/2016 14:31

Stay strong OPFlowers

BitchPeas · 31/03/2016 14:37

I've been following this thread, I'm sorry he's turned into such an Arsewipe, it's not surprising though, unfortunately!

Post a link to this thread on his mates/new girlfriends/mums Facebook so they can all see that you paid for it all, or post screen shots of the receipts all over his wall on Facebook!

Arkhamasylum · 31/03/2016 15:06

Well, she's well rid. I would get a new phone, so he can't contact you and block any means his friends have of getting in touch. Who gives a toss what they think?

Hopefully, she'll realise that she's better off with the furniture she paid for than the good opinion of a sexually incontinent cocklodger and his know-nothing friends.

Flowers
pointythings · 31/03/2016 15:52

What a hero the OP is. What an utter wankbadger her ex is.

GoofyIsACow · 31/03/2016 20:36

Absolute genius! Well dne OP

readyforno2 · 31/03/2016 21:04

KOKO op, we're all behind you. Thanks for the update tiver, look after your df

Strokethefurrywall · 31/03/2016 21:15

Stay strong OP - he's really not covering himself in glory here is he?

Tool.

suzannecaravaggio · 31/03/2016 22:29

the OP hasn't posted for three days and people are still adding to the thread Confused

it was an amusing scenario, but not that riveting surely Confused

extralemonylemoncake · 31/03/2016 22:58

Save the Confused suzanne, a friend of the OP posted an update yesterday and that's what people are replying to.

Hope you're holding up okay, OP. Flowers You're a legend!

suzannecaravaggio · 31/03/2016 23:00

even so I'm confused that the op has such a massive fan club

happythankyoumoreplease · 01/04/2016 00:01

Why, Suzanne? Surely it's refreshing to hear of someone who's been cheated on and treated like crap by her ex get her own back in such a spectacularly dramatic yet completely fair and legal way! It's so rare on here with so many scenarios where women are being abused and getting beaten down by having to deal with their current and ex partners' utter bullshit.