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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to take what I paid for from cheating partner without discussion

459 replies

Earworm · 25/03/2016 16:09

My partner recently told me that he didn't feel invested in our relationship. I suggested that I move out for a short period to give us both some headspace. I suspected there was someone else involved and asked him, but he denied it. I found FB messages and photos that had been sent to him from this girl, and he still denied it. 4 days after I left (at this point we hadn't actually split up) I found out that he had gone out with the girl and slept with her. We went to a counselling session and he said he was committed to working things out, but he refused to cut contact with her, so I moved out permanently. I've arranged to move into an unfurnished flat.

His flat was a shell when I moved in. I bought a whole new freestanding kitchen to replace the 2 cupboards he had, got the bathroom tiled, had a shower fitted and got new lights fitted. I replaced his broken bed frame, we sold his sofa (he got the money) and bought a new one which I 'm still paying for. I lifted all the laminate in the living room and carried it down 3 flights myself and replaced it with carpet.

He's gone away this weekend with this new girl and when he comes back, he'll have relatives with him to stay as they have a family funeral. I feel like a heartless bitch to go in and take the sofa, the bed frame and a couple of the kitchen units. He'll have an armchair to sit on and a mattress to sleep on. And he also owes me £1500 for a credit card.

OP posts:
littleleftie · 29/03/2016 13:14

I agree with walter I think "where's my money" is a good response Grin

Oh the joys of imagining him and new GF wandering around in the dark, using the loo and then finding there's no paper. Going to lie on the bed and falling straight through cos there's no mattress ............

If you don't think he will repay you it might be best to block him. Can you prove you lent him rather than gave him the money? You could always threaten him with small claims court just to finish off his Easter nicely?

Well played OP.

lottielou7 · 29/03/2016 13:43

I think this should be moved to mumsnet classics, personally!

MyLlamasGoneBananas · 29/03/2016 13:55

PaahaaahaaaahaaahaaaEaster Grin

Love it!!!

On the bright side - the clocks went forward this weekend giving him an extra hour of daylight on an evening. He's being v unreasonable complaining g about the light bulbs.

When are you going to hit him with the fact you still want your money back too?

Silverfoxofwarwick1953 · 29/03/2016 14:08

Taking the loose furniture is 'lightweight' really. They were yours anyway. This;

got the bathroom tiled, had a shower fitted and got new lights fitted.

Time to up the stakes if you want to continue the sport for a bit longer. You may well have procured rights over his property interest (more valuable if he is a homeowner) as a result of the expenditure above and other facts around you "moving in". Google Proprietary Estoppel and constructive trusts . The facts may be too vague as in "Jennings v Rice" put I suspect that if you move first, he will be back-footed and his dick will have to take time out from its hedonistic partying, to allow a little more blood to reach his brain to assist him with the decision to repay you £1,500 to pre-empt the situation from potentially getting worse and you claiming an interest in his property or at least a payment for the remainder of his lease. Once his brain has done that it can rest and allow dick to take over again, and this may be a bigger incentive than anything to ensure you get your just compensation. The Faster Payment Service is more reliable than cheques these days.

BoatyMcBoat · 29/03/2016 15:03

Well done OP!

Yes, do text him to check up on Propietary Estoppel and constructive trusts, as outlined by Silver ^^. You don't have to give any details, just innocently ask if he's looked at either, re tiling etc? Then add a request for your money asap. Then block him. Then he can panic wondering if you're going to go after his house, he won't be able to negotiate with you and both of those will combine to make him far more likely to just pay you the money.

PhoenixReisling · 29/03/2016 15:13

I. Can't. Stop. Laughing. across your description of him clutching his wank chair and buckerling cause he had no light bulbs....Pahahhahahaha* Easter Grin.

Ceic · 29/03/2016 15:31

Good job OP! Hopefully, you never need to go back for anything!

Sometimes, the best way to get revenge is via legal means. It has several advantages - he will have to deal with forms and third parties who won''t give a shit about his opinion of you, it being open to you maybe a consequence of his behaviour and you've got a better shot of getting more of the money he owes you.

Speaking of the money he owes you, there is £1500, the bathroom tiles and shower and, finally, your contribution to the mortage. Sound about right? So a combination of small claims court, Propietary Estoppel and declaring an interest in the flat on the Land Registry (which will come into effect should he try to sell - but look into this).

Gather proof, get good advice before you go ahead, but act soon.

Tootsieglitterballs · 29/03/2016 20:13

How about - you get your lightbulb a back when I get my £1500....

Spandexpants007 · 30/03/2016 09:32

So you are a shit bag for doing the fair/correct thing?! How odd

Spandexpants007 · 30/03/2016 09:33

He knew what was yours and that you were going to collect it.

Go through the small claims court to get the cash if need be.

RakeMeHomeCountryToads · 30/03/2016 09:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cees · 30/03/2016 09:50

Hi earworm, how are things now? This thread is brilliant.

MyCatIsTryingToKillMe · 30/03/2016 10:02

Any further updates OP? Or have you blocked him now?

letthefundusbegin · 30/03/2016 18:49

Earworm I have been lurking and watching.

You are my hero.

That is all.

Fionajsd · 30/03/2016 19:47

I'm sat here applauding you! Well done !

TiverMeShimbers · 30/03/2016 22:18

Unfortunately not everyone is applauding the OP. She has been getting massive abuse from him & his friends about her "looting" the flat. He's been piling on the emotional blackmail and the past few days have been really shitty for her.

She did not damage anything in the flat; did not take anything of his; left many things that she had paid for & is financially out of pocket due to the amount of money she invested in the property and the money he owes her (she has no interest in prolonging this by chasing him for any money or claim on the property). Also she is the one who has had to move house on top of the emotional effects of dealing with his cheating lying ways.

He has been to the police (they suggested that he might end up with a night in the cells if he kept harassing her) and is now talking about filing a small claims court action against her (ha - as if....she has receipts for all the stuff she took...and a lot of the stuff she didn't).

He is calling her calculating & vindictive...and is crying & howling a lot (probably with self-pity). Apparently the most horrific things for him were the manky armchair positioned right in front of the TV and the lack of lightbulbs (she didn't take them all y'know...just the big expensive ones that went with her light fittings....there were more in the cupboard....oh wait...he probably doesn't know where they are kept!)

Not sure what reaction I expected, but I had hoped he would have taken this on the chin & realised that this was the result of his behaviour and that she had actually been financially really rather fair. I really didn't expect him to badmouth her and cause her further upset. Just shows what an über-cunt he is I guess.

Arfarfanarf · 30/03/2016 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TiverMeShimbers · 30/03/2016 22:24

She is not going to back down. She's just exhausted with it all.

Spandexpants007 · 30/03/2016 22:25

Gosh it sounds like he's had a toddler tantrum.

Spandexpants007 · 30/03/2016 22:26

Did he really think he could keep her stuff? What an idiot

EverySongbirdSays · 30/03/2016 22:29

God how terrible for the poor OP Flowers i hope it helps that she's a legend to many!

Arfarfanarf · 30/03/2016 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 30/03/2016 22:34

Thanks for updating TiverMeShimbers.

How horrible for your df that she is having to go through all this.

When she sees the light of day again, her over-riding feeling should of course be "thank FUCK I don't share my life with that ARSE any more".

Please pass on my heartfelt best wishes.

RandomMess · 30/03/2016 22:35

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

What an utter arse indeed.

I think she should just compile a list of everything she paid for and didn't take ready as a counter claim if he goes through his threat of going to court.

Please send our best wishes and Flowers to the op she doesn't deserve being harassed by anyone. Clearly her ex is so selfish and entitled he doesn't realise that the world doesn't owe him.

AlisonWunderland · 30/03/2016 22:38

Good response from the police there.
I suspect his idea of small claims court will be equally pointless.

"vindictive" would have been doing the prawns behind the radiator trick.
What she did was simply taking back her own belongings.

You're right Tiver - he is an uber cunt

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