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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to take what I paid for from cheating partner without discussion

459 replies

Earworm · 25/03/2016 16:09

My partner recently told me that he didn't feel invested in our relationship. I suggested that I move out for a short period to give us both some headspace. I suspected there was someone else involved and asked him, but he denied it. I found FB messages and photos that had been sent to him from this girl, and he still denied it. 4 days after I left (at this point we hadn't actually split up) I found out that he had gone out with the girl and slept with her. We went to a counselling session and he said he was committed to working things out, but he refused to cut contact with her, so I moved out permanently. I've arranged to move into an unfurnished flat.

His flat was a shell when I moved in. I bought a whole new freestanding kitchen to replace the 2 cupboards he had, got the bathroom tiled, had a shower fitted and got new lights fitted. I replaced his broken bed frame, we sold his sofa (he got the money) and bought a new one which I 'm still paying for. I lifted all the laminate in the living room and carried it down 3 flights myself and replaced it with carpet.

He's gone away this weekend with this new girl and when he comes back, he'll have relatives with him to stay as they have a family funeral. I feel like a heartless bitch to go in and take the sofa, the bed frame and a couple of the kitchen units. He'll have an armchair to sit on and a mattress to sleep on. And he also owes me £1500 for a credit card.

OP posts:
Arkhamasylum · 28/03/2016 14:22

know

SanityClause · 28/03/2016 14:40

It would be "nice" of the OP to tell him what she'd taken.

Women in our society are taught to be "nice". It's very easy for others (male and female - how many brass necked friends threads do we see?) to take advantage of this.

The OP has behaved very reasonably. She warned her ex that she was coming to take her things. She didn't do any of the revenge vandalism (jokingly) suggested on the thread. She has left her keys.

Really, I think she doesn't need to give an itemised list. A poster upthread made a good suggestion of wording to use. Something about "I have taken my things and left yours. Please now let me know how you intend to repay the £1500 you owe me."

There is no need for more than this, under the circumstances.

Fyaral · 28/03/2016 14:51

Im with the majority. An icy 'I took my stuff and left yours. Please tell me how you intend to repay £1500" is perfect and leaves OP sounding good.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 28/03/2016 14:52

Has he got back yet from his dirty weekend?

GabiSolis · 28/03/2016 14:55

Well done OP! I wouldn't bother texting back, let him have it as a nice surprise!

TiverMeShimbers · 28/03/2016 15:10

The trouble with asking for the £1500 back is that it keeps you in contact with him. You really have to think what you want. What's the chances of him paying you back that money anyway?

If you want the money:

I have taken most of the stuff in the flat that I paid for. Be grateful that the living room carpet and bathroom tiles remain. You still owe me £1500. How do you plan to repay it? Earworm.

If you want to cut contact:

I have taken most of the stuff in the flat that I paid for. Be grateful that the living room carpet and bathroom tiles remain. I do not want any more contact with you. Fuckitybye. Earworm.

Still wish we had wasabi-ed the sex toys.

lottielou7 · 28/03/2016 15:13

Take the lot - I certainly would.

FuzzyOwl · 28/03/2016 15:16

Don't block his number! We need to know his response! Grin

MyLlamasGoneBananas · 28/03/2016 15:20

Just a shame you didnt set a video cam linked up to Mumsnet for us to watch his reaction live Grin

I would love to be a fly on the wall when he gets home from his dirty weekend away!!

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 28/03/2016 15:26

"Wank throne"!

Oh, how I sniggered!

Hissy · 28/03/2016 17:04

Good move that woman!

This thread has won Thread of The Bank Holiday.

RaspberryOverload · 28/03/2016 17:44

Still wish we had wasabi-ed the sex toys.

OMG my jaw dropped at that idea. Love it! Grin

readyforno2 · 28/03/2016 18:40

That is quite possibly the best update I've ever read. Well done op, keep us updated

nilbyname · 28/03/2016 18:53

Well done op! Really well done.

Text- all moved out of the flat, keys on the side. How are you going to pay back the £1500, could you set up a direct payment and send me an email confirmation when you do? 4 business days seems fair, instalments of not less than £300 monthly. Solicitor reasons that's fair, small claims would be best avoided. Bysies

austounding · 28/03/2016 19:05

OP, you are brill Grin In all seriousness though, you've taken no shit from him but have kept the moral highground. That's a hard balance!

Earworm · 28/03/2016 21:05

SHIT IS GOING DOWN!

OP posts:
Arkhamasylum · 28/03/2016 21:05

Tell us!

Earworm · 28/03/2016 21:05

Apparently I'm a total shitbag

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 28/03/2016 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 28/03/2016 21:07

Yes how dare you take your own possessions with you when you move out.

ArmfulOfRoses · 28/03/2016 21:10

Guess he's home then? Grin

CockacidalManiac · 28/03/2016 21:11

Still wish we had wasabi-ed the sex toys.

That's an assault charge waiting to happen

2016ismyyear · 28/03/2016 21:11

Ignore him. You aren't being unreasonable. You didn't cheat.

Arkhamasylum · 28/03/2016 21:11

Yep. You don't get the new girlfriend AND the free furniture. Knobhead. No-bed knobhead.

StrictlyMumDancing · 28/03/2016 21:13

Well he did say you could collect your things. your sofa/your bed/your kitchen cupboards/etc.

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