Am I incredibly odd? N/C on marriage

[Toonoisy]

I married dh last year, I decided to keep my own name. My reasons were, I have a son who shares my name. I really like my name, it's me. I didn't want to be Mrs Hisname because to me that's his mum. I also feel as though the assumption that the woman will change her name is a bit of a feminist issue.

I don't want to be Mrs Myname either so I'm Ms Myname.

Dh was very upset about it despite always knowing how I felt. He thinks I'm mad but he's given up mentioning it.

Now I've found that the times I've had to give our names for anything it totally baffles people.

It's happened a couple of times where it's been quite important to acknowledge we're married. A mortgage application and me ringing the hospital when he ended up in a&e.

It's seems to completely confuse people, they say you're not married, I say that we are, so they ask are we Mr and Mrs Hisname, I say no were Mr Hisname and Ms Myname, we are married, I have kept my name.

Ha ha laughing at the TPB Moving

Like most married women with their own names, I didn't not do something I found difficult and stange just to make a political point, but I'm happy when people like that find themselves that little bit more educated as a result of some tricky form-filling.

In our house I do most of the admin. Always amuses me when DH gets referred to as Mr Undercrackers. And no, I NEVER correct them.

"When we got married he thought I'd need to sign the marriage certificate under my chosen new name."

You sign in your "unmarried" name, whether or not you change it after marriage.

it's part of being married I think,you sort of begin a new life and a new name is part of that

Unless you are a celeb or own a company in your name already I don't see why you wouldn't change your name

Oh I just love that. Mzzzz rhymes with none of you bizzzz

Just to clarify I'm not bothered at being asked if I'm married, while point of being a Ms. It's when I've already said I'm married and that's my husband, but they get all confused by different names.

I'm aware that my name is my fathers name, or my grandfather, or some other bloke. Yet somehow it sits more comfortably with me. It was my parents concern when they had me, I like it, and there's no complications on changing it on marriage or divorce, or even remarriage.

Mummyyummi - did you discuss him taking your name? Or both changing your names to the same double barrel? If having the same name was important I'm interested why people necessarily default to their husband's name..?

It suited me to take husband's name on marriage, partly through being old-fashioned and partly because it was a lot easier to spell (SIL kept her own name on marrying DB for the reverse reason). I became Ms Marriedname upon divorce, as to me it represents the fact that it's not my birth name but I am not married to the guy I got the name from, and not being married to him is quite important to me! However, it is by no means the only "right" usage, just one of several. I always understood that equivalence to Mr was the main one.

If people ask I say Ms, but if they refer to me as Miss or Mrs I rarely bother to correct them (Mx? Why not indeed). I can think of a few situations where it may make a difference being married - the mortgage example is one as there is a presumption of combined finances, hospital for next-of-kin purposes another. That isn't a reason to change your name though. Some people, I'm told, change their name without marrying, or may by coincidence or distant kinship have the same surname as their partner. You find out whether someone is married or not by asking them, radical though that may seem, not making assumptions on the basis of the surname. And you only ask if you need to know or are a nosy bugger.

A new life? In that case is there any reason why men shouldn't change their name? I love the idea that only important women (celebs/company owners) might want to keep their identity.

What happens on divorce and remarriage? That could become embarrassing.

I changed my name when I got married, because MrQ's was nicer and easier to spell. I don't use Mrs though. I don't really use a title at all if I can avoid it, but if i must then I use Ms. Mostly it only comes up for work things, where my marital status has no relevance and I'm not shy about saying so.
OP, I wouldn't care about what other people thought, but I'd be concerned about your husband being upset. Maybe he just needs a bit of reassurance that you aren't rejecting him, or planning to move on any time soon!

That was to yummi not Annie

Married MsOwnname here. I do get people mistakenly addressing me as Mrs DHSurname, but as soon as I say "it's Ms Ownname" it's fine, I've never had anyone query it further. The assumption that Ms means divorced seems to largely have disappeared thank goodness.

I got that, don't worry, and I thoroughly agree with you even though the choice I made 30-odd years ago was different to yours. DB kind of felt I'd let the side down by changing my name, actually, but I did prefer the one I changed to and I doubt I would want to change it again now whether I got married again (very unlikely) or not.

Yes I don't really understand why women need to indicate their marital status in the title when men don't. I think if men have a neutral title then so should women.

I totally agree. I go by Ms wherever possible. I hate that the Miss / Ms / Mrs prefix is used to categorise a woman based on her relationship before any other aspect of her.

< ponders becoming a Dr. or Rev. to avoid the issue >

I've kept my own name and Ms . Didn't occur to me not to.

Still have friends and his relatives who address cards to Mr and Mrs HisName which doesn't unduly concern me and occasionally at dinners and things get name cards made out as Mrs HisName,

But not one person has said anything to my face or appeared confused by it apart from Ethiopia where it did cause headscratching.

We work in the same organisation and I suspect some people thing I've kept my name as a work name and his at home - but nope, just kept my name. Why change your name?

it's part of being married I think,you sort of begin a new life and a new name is part of that

So why don't men do it? Or is this an admission that a woman's life will change dramatically on marriage whereas a man's will carry on pretty much as before, only with somebody else to do the housework for him?

Unless you are a celeb or own a company in your name already I don't see why you wouldn't change your name

Well it's your choice whether you do or don't but really are those the only criteria? So men keep their names no matter what but women only keep theirs if they are publicly recognisable? If find that incredibly sad because the built in assumption is that all men are as important as a select handful of the most successful women.

Actually I do have publications in my name but that's an added reason to keep my own name. The real reason to keep my name is because it's my name. And because patriarchy sucks and I don't feel a need to reinforce it.

I don't see why you would change your name just because you got married TBH. Each to their own though.

In my first marriage I was Mrs Myname. Currently I'm Mrs Myname-Hisname. Although Myname is a total,pita to spell so sometimes I give in and say I'm Mrs Hisname.

I strongly believe that the name you are given at birth is your name, and whether by convention you choose to take another name or not, it's your name. I have a perfectly good annoying name, I do not need another!

OH and I have been engaged about 8 years now, together almost 12. He still gets irritated by the fact that I won't in any way be changing my name if we ever get married (I'm not overly fussed on tying the knot TBH, makes no odds to me )

Interestingly, he wouldn't dream of taking my name! Our children have his surname with mine as a middle name. My friends all think I'm odd. I find some of the opinions on this thread - especially that only female celebs should dare to keep their own name - incredibly outdated!

Really where it the idea that Ms is for divorced women from?

I worked in a government department approx 5-6yrs ago. I had a married Ms MaidenName call and needed to log her details on our system. Once the title Ms was entered the system demanded a divorce date! It would not allow me to create a record for her, without this. It was awful especially as it was totally irrelevant to the service this lady was accessing.

It was queried higher up and the response was that the original use of Ms was to signify a divorced woman. It caused a heap of problems trying to get it changed so that somebody could choose to be Ms, as a "I don't need to tell you if I'm married or not in my name thing".

I'm a Ms MarriedName now I'm divorced because I really cannot stand the idea of having a different name to my children. I didn't like that being married meant the children automatically had to have their dads name (DS actually had mine but when we got married the birth had to be re-registered to take dads name) - it was the reason I took his stupid name in the first place. I don't like it when I correct people to Ms and they still don't use it - it feels plain wrong to be a Miss, when its not my maiden name and Mrs is plain wrong because I'm not married to the abusive bastard anymore.

Moving
Twat personal banker: Is it Miss or Mrs?
Woman: Neither. It's Ms.
*TPB:

YANBU OP. I didn't change my name on marriage either and I don't use Miss, Ms or Mrs where I can help it. I prefer Mx, which denotes neither marital status or gender, but the rest of the world has yet to catch up.

Adopting a husband's name is a shitty tradition and I don't understand why anybody would do it.

Why doesn't your dh take your name then? I didn't want to lose the name I shared with my dc when I got married so my then dp took my name. We are now Mr & Mrs 'Daydream' and the kids share our name of

I remember a PSHE teacher telling us that Ms was for divorced middle aged feminists. I wish I'd had the guts to put my hand up and tell him I was a Ms. I was a bit of a mouse in those days. The moment passed.

In our house I do most of the admin. Always amuses me when DH gets referred to as Mr Undercrackers. And no, I NEVER correct them.

I booked our honeymoon. 2 weeks of being called Mr Myname has ensured my decision has never been questioned by DH.

DD also has his surname and my surname as a middle name. She (at 5) thinks it's brilliant that she's linked so directly to both sides of her family rather than just one.

Finallyfree unfortunately he was an incurable twat but at least he didn't come out with that particularly stupid comment again. He did come out with others but not that one.

When we moved to the UK and sent our children to the local school all the mothers had kept their own names. I know one of two who took their husbands' names, but surely it's a bit of a faff? If you're a journalist or lawyer called Ms I Can't Even and you change your name to Mrs I Can't Somebody-Completely-Different, you lose all the, well, SEO of your own name. Professional nightmare, surely?

I refused to take DH's name unless we both double-barrelled, so we're Mr & Mrs/Ms (depending on my humour) Myname-Hisname. Nobody - and I mean NOBODY - has ever struggled with it, questioned it or ignored it (in my hearing, anyway!).

I know a few couples who went down the Hername-Hisname (or Hisname-Hername) route, and one couple who ditched his name and are Mr & Mrs Hername, which I think is pretty ace.

SOAPBOX ALERT: With divorce rates being what they are, I think that women should NEVER change their names, and that if either party changes their name it should be the husband. I think that ALL children should take the mother's name, and never the father's, and that surnames should pass along the distaff line instead. This means that in a world where fewer people get married before having children, and divorce/remarriage rates are high, children's names are both stable and always the same as their mothers, who is (usually) always going to be a constant in their lives.