Am I incredibly odd? N/C on marriage

[Toonoisy]

I married dh last year, I decided to keep my own name. My reasons were, I have a son who shares my name. I really like my name, it's me. I didn't want to be Mrs Hisname because to me that's his mum. I also feel as though the assumption that the woman will change her name is a bit of a feminist issue.

I don't want to be Mrs Myname either so I'm Ms Myname.

Dh was very upset about it despite always knowing how I felt. He thinks I'm mad but he's given up mentioning it.

Now I've found that the times I've had to give our names for anything it totally baffles people.

It's happened a couple of times where it's been quite important to acknowledge we're married. A mortgage application and me ringing the hospital when he ended up in a&e.

It's seems to completely confuse people, they say you're not married, I say that we are, so they ask are we Mr and Mrs Hisname, I say no were Mr Hisname and Ms Myname, we are married, I have kept my name.

They seem to manage alright in Spain.

They wouldn't because as with the Spanish system you drop one of the names.

Cooper means barrel maker. It's not particularly "derived from females" whatever that is

some surnames derive from females. Cooper for example

That's just from barrel making.

Sorry it's Brewer/Brewster not Cooper, I always get those two mixed up (don't ask). Regardless, the point remains that some surnames come from a female originally, not a male, and it's therefore incorrect to presume that a woman giving up her own name on marriage must be giving up a name that came from a man. Just one of the many reasons why that argument is so very, very stupid.

I'd prefer the Icelandic system. If you are a boy called Sam, son of Peter and Jane you are Sam Petersson. If you are a girl called Kate, daughter of Peter and Jane you are Kate Janesdottir. So a married couple with a boy and a girl would all have different surnames even though they were one family. And names don't change on marriage there.

YANBU - DH and I have been married for over 7 years and I have kept my maiden name, although I refer to myself as Ms MyName (not Mrs). I have changed my passport and driving license to my married name, but everything else is still my maiden name. Sometimes I wish I had kept everything as Ms MyName, as it can get complicated and I quite often have to show my marriage certificate when proving ID etc.

I adore Iceland anyway kipper but love that system too.

Why did you change them Ditsy?

How do you cope in a bank Ditzy ? If your bank account was in your maiden name but you wanted to make a large payment we'd ask for photo ID - drivers license or passport. But those are in your married name. I'd have to send you away!

It's not the norm but it's not 'odd'. I kept my name on marriage. I am either a Miss or a Dr. Tbh, I have only ever met one person who has a problem with it. It's the window installe we used! I do answer to Mrs DHname because the DC have his name. School doesn't know our names so it's natural for them to use DCs name. Otherwise I always leave my own surname. I haven't changed any documents to my DH name. I also don't have any accounts in that name. All my social media accounts are in my birth name.

I also have no problem with mortgages. We have done 4 and no one batted an eyelid we don't have the same name.

If you just keep your mums/dads name throughout at least you can own it.

I own the surname I changed to when I got married. I didn't just borrow it, it became mine.

I've kept my maiden name and use Ms. It's never caused an issue. The only person who is annoyed by it is MIL who insists on sending mail to us addressed Mr & Mrs husband's first name surname. Just because it pisses me off. She's a joy.

If you are a girl called Kate, daughter of Peter and Jane you are Kate Janesdottir.

Sadly, I'm fairly sure that Kate would usually be Kate Petersdottir still. So room for improvement.

Sadly, I'm fairly sure that Kate would usually be Kate Petersdottir still. So room for improvement Yes you would.

Ms is generally what you become on divorce

No it isn't. Why on earth do you think you need a special title for being divorced. Where did this nonsense come from?

You're not odd. Those who are feigning (it's highly unlikely they've never come across anyone else who kept their name on marriage) bafflement are odd. I've been married 20 years and I'm still Ms Julii, and it's never ever been an issue.

So unless you make up a random surname of your own, whether you do or don't change your surname, you are still using a man's surname as if you were his property.

Well, I'd rather use my own father's name - the name I've had all my life - than my FIL's name! Why on earth would I want his name?

Women couldn't own property because they WERE property

That is not correct. I'm not sure where and when you are referring to. Single women,whether unmarried or widowed, in England and Wales and Scotland could own land. Acts of 1870 and 1881 gave married women the same rights. So hardly a justification for taking your husband's name.

I don't understand women who "keep their own name" on marriage as they don't want to be seen as their husbands property . Your "own name" is (presumably) your father's surname and was originally to show you are his property. Hence he gives you away at the wedding

Tosh. Why is my name merely my father's name (actually my grandfather's name as my mother didn't change her name) but my husband has his own name?

If your bank account was in your maiden name but you wanted to make a large payment we'd ask for photo ID - drivers license or passport. But those are in your married name. I'd have to send you away!

Mine is the opposite way round - I never changed my driving license from miss myname but other things like bank accounts were turned into mrshisname. Banks never had a problem with it - I just presented driving license plus marriage cert. They never questioned it, so I can't see it being a problem the other way round.

So unless you make up a random surname of your own, whether you do or don't change your surname, you are still using a man's surname as if you were his property

That's assuming you have your father's name of course...

I get wanting to keep your own name, but being 'Ms' seems more like being difficult for the sake of it.

Just to add, it's only pretty recently that 'Master' for an unmarried man was done away with.

Just to add, it's only pretty recently that 'Master' for an unmarried man was done away with

Where? I've never heard of "Master" being used in that sense, either in real life or historically.

The closest dictionary definition, and nit the most common, is master being a title prefixed to the name of a boy not old enough to be called ‘Mr’
"Master James Wishart".

And that's been obsolete outside of the realms of historical fiction for many years.

Too busy for 'proper' sources, but it's what I'd always been led to believe and the quickest google gives results like

"Traditionally, "Mister (Mr)" was a title used to address married men, while "Master (Mstr)" was used to address unmarried men. "

"unmarried men used to be called "master" and married men were called "mister". alfred in batman always calls Bruce Wayne "master Bruce" because he is unmarried, as well Sam calls frodo, "master frodo". when there started to be more of a middle class, "master" was done away with, and all men were called mister."