Am I incredibly odd? N/C on marriage

[Toonoisy]

I married dh last year, I decided to keep my own name. My reasons were, I have a son who shares my name. I really like my name, it's me. I didn't want to be Mrs Hisname because to me that's his mum. I also feel as though the assumption that the woman will change her name is a bit of a feminist issue.

I don't want to be Mrs Myname either so I'm Ms Myname.

Dh was very upset about it despite always knowing how I felt. He thinks I'm mad but he's given up mentioning it.

Now I've found that the times I've had to give our names for anything it totally baffles people.

It's happened a couple of times where it's been quite important to acknowledge we're married. A mortgage application and me ringing the hospital when he ended up in a&e.

It's seems to completely confuse people, they say you're not married, I say that we are, so they ask are we Mr and Mrs Hisname, I say no were Mr Hisname and Ms Myname, we are married, I have kept my name.

And that's been obsolete outside of the realms of historical fiction for many years.

Apart from things like the passport office.
And many other places.

DH both double barrelled so our kids have that name. We knew we would both want to have the same name as our children when we had them. It is rare amongst people we know- only one other couple have joined names. Every other female friend has soley taken their husband's name.

I'm not sure who mentioned it but on these threads there are often comments about a woman's surname being her father's. Funny how no one says this to men No, they get to own their own names apparently.

I'm surprised that any medical or finance institution would use name alone to judge marriage. I used to work for a police force, and in many police incidents I came across Mrs Hisname when they were not married - women taking on his name because they were living together/ had kids but we're not married.

I use Dr or Ms Hisname. Can't stand Mrs. Changed to Hisname because we wanted a single family name, societal norm, more unusual, and if I'm honest because no one thought I would (not usual in academia). Nothing to do with being owned. But Mrs feels like that to me.

I was getting annoyed with Rapunzel but now I realise she is just a parody: And "'Ms" does suggest either the writer doesn't know your status, you're divorced or you're a lesbian or a militant feminist.

Gosh, there are a lot of divorced, lesbian militant feminists round my way and I never even knew!

Wondering what title there is for men who are divorced, gay or militant feminists then!

No wonder women can't move on in this area, some of the old-fashioned/incorrect comments on here are quite disturbing. If women themselves can't see the need for equality in the surname stakes and generic titles then we haven't got a hope in hell of getting men to see it. Centigrade, floggingmolly and others do make me despair.

30 years ago I came up against a lot of bureaucratic claptrap over names and titles (yes, Tax Office, I'm mainly looking at you) but to know that form-filling in some areas is still littered with queries over a women's marital status (but not a man's) is bitterly disappointing.

But why Bo? Why does it matter if someone knows if I'm married or not. I can't think of any situation where it's imperative that my marital status is a secret.

"unmarried men used to be called "master" and married men were called "mister". alfred in batman always calls Bruce Wayne "master Bruce" because he is unmarried, as well Sam calls frodo, "master frodo". when there started to be more of a middle class, "master" was done away with, and all men were called mister."

Master in that case is referring to master and servant. It has nothing to do with marital status. Master was used to show a young boy not marital status.



It does matter because it isn't the same for men. Men are Mr no matter what.

It's not about keeping it secret, it's the fact that you are expected to publicise your marital status via your name / title in a way that men are not. If someone asks me whether I'm married I will answer truthfully but for most purposes it's totally irrelevant. Plus it's the fact that all of us have to go through the "is that Miss or Mrs?" rigmarole every time we make a phone enquiry, create a significant amount of work for ourselves and others in changing names, put up with feigned confusion if we try to use a neutral title and so on. All of which could be avoided if we all kept our own names and used one default title.

We've seen on this thread people making assumptions about people based on their title.

A Ms is presumed to be a lesbian or a divorcee, what are male divorcees and gay men called?

Exactly, it might seem like small fish but it's just another little bit of sexism women put up with.

Bit of inconsistency going on.
If your fathers surname is YOUR name and nothing to do with the historical fact that you were his property then why doesn't the same apply when you take your husbands surname? Ie why don't you feel that becomes YOUR name?

Because using the father's name applies equally to both boys and girls and the using the spouse's name doesn't Rapunzel, that's the inconsistency.

Besides, parents choose their children's names. Whether boys or girls. I don't need to then change that because I got married anymore than my husband does. What part of that is not to understand?

I get wanting to keep your own name, but being 'Ms' seems more like being difficult for the sake of it.

How is it being difficult? I don't want to be defined by my marriage so Miss/Mrs don't work for me.

I double barrelled to Mrs Myname-Hisname in my personal life, but professionally and in things I haven't got around changing my name to I'm still Ms Myname

DH is changing his name by deed poll to have Myname as a middle name

I wouldn't inflict the double barrel on any future children because it's ridiculously long but they would have the same as DH, Myname as a middle name and Hisname as surname

DH is the only one in his family with Hisname as his brothers and mother have his stepfather's name and he has no cousins or other family

So it seemed nice to be able to give any future children his name for that reason. I double barrelled because I wanted to keep Myname as well as show that I was part of Hisname family

Works for us. I did suggest we merge the two names as it sounds like a Marvel superhero, but we decided against that

"...defined by marriage..." smacks of pain-in-the-arseness! Does it mean anyone who says 'Mrs' is defined by their marriage or doesn't it work both ways?

A Ms is presumed to be a lesbian or a divorcee, what are male divorcees and gay men called? Darhling

'Ms' is only difficult for the sake of it if you've got shit for brains.

Using Miss and Mrs seems to be being difficult for the sake of it compared to having a single title for adult women.

Does it mean anyone who says 'Mrs' is defined by their marriage or doesn't it work both ways?

Erm, of course it does.

Two wrongs, not sure how you extrapolated from my post that I want you to keep your marriage a secret, I'm trying to make the point that no one should give a stuff about your marital status. (Marital status = single/co-habiting, married, divorced, widowed, etc).

Women, by virtue of having three titles in common use, have a myriad of connotations attached to each these which shouldn't be anyone's business! If you are asked, then you need to think 'would they ask a man the same?' If not, then the point needs to be made and hopefully educate the ignorant twats.

Using Miss and Mrs seems to be being difficult for the sake of it compared to having a single title for adult women.

Actually, why have a title to identify your sex/gender at all?

Lets go all the way and ask why have a name that indicated your gender? Lets all be given neutral names. Or numbers - that would be fair all round.