To cancel DD birthday party?

[TheresHopeYet]

DD is turning 4 and we have a party booked for her in two weeks time .

I handed out invites directly to parents 3 weeks ago with an RSVP date of TODAY!

I have not had a single RSVP. Not one .

It's school holidays here and I do not know the parents well enough to chase them up or have phone numbers etc .

The balance of the party is due today ; it's £140. I have already paid a £20 deposit which I will lose .

If I cancel after paying the balance I will lose the lot .

Would you cancel? I could use the money to take DD away for the weekend instead.

I am worried though that a load of people will turn up at the party and we won't be there

I need to decide today ! Help!

There's never a good enough reason for not replying. Everyone is busy, responding takes seconds, literally seconds. It's pure rudeness and lack of manners and is so unfair on the child hosting the party.

It does only take seconds. But it's not usually something you do there and then. And by the time you get home it gets forgotten about in the swarm of other stuff. I always do reply, but tbh often late!

I'm suprised no one has rsvpd, but it's not unusual to get late replies.

We have a couple of class reps who put together a contact list each school year and update if needed throughout the term.

If someone doesn't want to be on it then they just leave the contact details blank, and no pressure to give mobile and email and address, some give one and some give another, all very relaxed but it really does help for this kind of thing.

I'd be very upset but know that it's not really personal even if it feels like it.

Good idea to move venue, so you aren't canceling but you aren't setting your dd or your bank balance up to fail, but also doesn't give any reason for gossip or back biting, should the parents be that way inclined!

It gets better, I tend to go for venues that are a flat rate rather than per person. Firstly the per child venues tend to be more expensive, and secondly, it relies on others being thoughtful, considerate, and organized, none of which are givens!

I spent over £200. I had invited 27 (the whole class). I got maybe 10 replies and 15 came. TBH it was fine. If no-one had come the three of us DP, DS and me would have happily partied alone, at least I'd have got a go on the bouncy castle!

With zero replies at the point of paying the main amount I think you are within your rights to cancel and if anyone asks say you had no replies.

It is really unfair of them to have put you in this position.

look after your and your DC's happiness.

It is very rude and highly frustrating. I know people are busy - I'm a single parent and I work night shifts (usually on about 4 hours sleep!) so I totally understand how frantic life can be and how forgetful parents can become. But it takes a couple of minutes to read an invite, check the calendar and send a message.

The first thing I ask DD when we get in from doing the school run is: Do you have any letters from school/party invites/homework? That way I get everything put in my hand as soon as we're home and I can quickly spend 5 minutes sorting through any bits before I have to start making dinner, running DD to clubs, getting her organised to complete homework, etc. It makes life that little bit easier and this way nothing gets missed or forgotten.

OP I would highly recommend signing up to FB purely to add yourself to the school's FB page - if they have one. It's a brilliant way to stay up to date and you'll get a sense of who is who. I'm really sorry you're feeling so anxious about something that should be lots of fun for your little one. I end up needing to chase folk every year, but it's become a lot easier since the FB page for her school was added. I literally pop a very gentle reminder on to the group wall along the lines of: Hey folks! Just a quick note to say that Mini Vino's party is on X date at X time just in case the invites didn't make it home. I know we're all really busy, but if you could give me a yay or a nay for headcount, I'd really appreciate it!

Replies are back within minutes and I have my final tally.

Have some OP. Hope it all works out and the wee one has an awesome birthday!

In my experience people tend to reply about 1-2 days before the party! Very frustrating but I've given up giving loads of notice as this is always what happens. If there are still two weeks to go chances are that you will suddenly get lots of replies a couple of days before. Invitations have probably been stuck on a pin board and forgotten about and will be suddenly remembered in a panic nearer the time. Yes it's rude but it's what happens and I doubt you need to cancel at this stage.

Hey folks! Just a quick note to say that Mini Vino's party is on X date at X time just in case the invites didn't make it home.

Vino, if you put that, how do people know if they're one of those who should have received an invitation? People might either assume they weren't invited and not reply/feel they can't ask, or reply assuming they were invited when they weren't!

I'd cancel now - it just sounds like too much hassle honing in and asking people face to face.

If you cancel now then you will have time to plan something else.

It is very rude not to RSVP. If it were me I would cancel. If anyone turns up then tough luck really. Their fault for not letting you know they would be attending. Use the money to treat your DD to something special

I think I'd cancel. DS1 was having a football party to which 35 kids were invited, just before the start of the summer holidays. We got just 5 RSVPs, one of which was a no. On the day, 6 kids turned up. Two of the no shows had even RSVPed to say they were coming! I ended up swiping a little brother as a guest to make it up to 7! Our son had a fantastic time but the room was virtually empty and I ended up giving away plates of food to every guest and our next door neighbours got a tray of food as well!
Your DD will probably have a great time if anyone shows up but I think you are totally within your rights to decide to cancel on economic grounds!

Poor You - what awful parents

I would cancel - to have had no replies means either somehow you put the wrong contact details down - or there will be a very low turnout that would not justify the cost. Compromise is to do something at the house or sack the party idea off and go away

If it's any consolation my DD is having her party on 2nd Aptil still several no replies and lots of declines - with I think certain parents deciding as a group that there little clique won't be attending despite their children being very keen to play with DD when ever I watch then after school

We have 15 yes responses so will go ahead but tbh wish I had just done 8-10 in the back garden bouncy castle type thing. We went large with the party to help integrate her in reception year but now realising how awful some of her classmates parents are I think I would not be doing the same again!!!

I would cancel the pre-booked party and arrange to do a low-key party at home or the park or somewhere like that instead. Then chase up parents once school is back and let them know there has been a venue change.

minivino I assume You invite the whole class to parties then?

Tbh having a party in holidays never is a good idea as 1) people go away 2) you can't nudge them at the gates 2 days before

It's better to have child's birthday party a week or two later once they are back at school

Unless summer hols. Then you have a party at home and have bouncy castle /magician / etc so no set number of children so rsvp not so important

Tho

Then you have the annoyance of not knowing how many party bags to do tho I do think a slice of cake and cheap book /choccy buttons is fine

Hate having bags of useless tat that breaks 30 secs later in party bags

As I said before sending out new invites on first day back with change of venue will get those who want to come to reply to you

Some people will always rubbish... But for no one at all to respond, that makes me wonder if they message didn't get through somehow... (Typo on your mobile number on invite perhaps?)

Also, I've had a kids party with 19 positive responses... 27 actually turned up!... I won't win any prizes for most organised person but not to RSVP and then turn up anyway is very rude!

Yes I wonder that too Flash. Do you still have a spare invite and could you check to see if there was a typo on your contact info?

Yes I wonder that too Flash. Do you still have a spare invite and could you check to see if there was a typo on your contact info?

I would double check the number or email address on the invite, I find It hard to believe that not 1 parent has had the manners to RSVP!

I would also be very wary of canceling because that is the sort of thing that can linger over a child for the rest of their school life. Is there not a specific best friend who you can get in touch with or invite some out of school friends just to ensure there are some little ones in attendance?

This nearly happen to us. Turning 4. New mum in the block. Sent 25 invites, received 3 back from nursery school, and I had booked a big place. As the date came close I invited more friends (not from school), and more even the night before. Some friends (older and younger than my son) didn't turn up, even when they had RSVP. But muy son was so happy and looking forward to his party, I would have invited people walking outside in the streets in the last minute (just joking, wink, wink). The place I had reserved had a minimum of 7 people, and they counted heads at the time of the party, I paid for 8 people. My son didn't know some of the children there (oh well). He enjoyed the party thought. Some relatives play being kids which was also fun! Good luck!

it's utterly rubbish. Thanks to mumsnet wisdom with RSVP we have class party the first couple of year in local community centre so it's cheap and cheerful and numbers don't matter. After a couple of years I have most parents contacts so this year we are dropping down to a small party. Following same plan for ds2 who's in reception

know the feeling. my daughter just had her birthday party. 10 kids invited but only 5 turned up. Don't know what happened to others - some even rspvd. I was not happy as I paid over £200 for her party as we got Elsa and Anna come and do magic and facepainting etc which I didn't tell the parents so they missed out.
I thought my daughter would be upset but she wasn't. she told me that it was the best birthday ever. She is only 4!!! Hearing that made the party worth while.

Its up to you if you cancel. I'm sure your daughter wont mind if other kids come or not so long as she is centre of attention on her special day. Use your money to bring a dream of hers alive.

Good luck

It's happened every year when DS was little. Out school was international so I assumed it was cultural (well that's what some mums said!). Plus there were a lot of nannies who didnt always clear out bags or hand over invites to the parents. Stressful for me (spreadsheet queen) but it always turned out fine.

It's a shame to cancel because the chdren arent the rude ones it's the parents.

I would cancel if it were my own birthday, but not if it was DD's. Chasing up two days before is a good idea. I hatehatehate the idea of pandering to these completely rude parents, but I suspect there'd be a lot of chuntering if you did cancel the party and then some turned up -- not just because the party was off, but because people know it's crap not to RSVP, and will probably be embarrassed and then belligerent to have their crapness pointed out (even just by arriving to an empty venue).

I bet there'd be some cheeky fuckers saying they did RSVP of course they did or it wasn't clear, or you're being mean to cancel just because they forgot one tiny little detail.

Seriously: WTF is it with party RSVPs? It sounds like the average response rate is 50% or lower, but nobody on MN ever admits to more than the occasional oversight. Are we in RSVP denial? Or are the non-RSVPers all on another forum?

I've seen one person on here openly admit to not bothering to RSVP: big family, working parents, busy busy, don't want to commit to an engagement when something else might come up, but don't want to rule it out either, in case DC do decide to go and heaven forbid they miss out. It almost sounds reasonable, until you realise that attitude means some poor bastard doesn't know if she's catering for 3 or 30 party attendees.

I had one party which was at a soft play place where everyone knew was a pay per head, money upfront (and expensive) place. I was chasing to the last minute and still had nannies turn up with siblings who were expected to join the party (ie me pay extra for them too). What can you do? Smile and nod.

"The problem with cancelling is you'll have to tell everyone it's cancelled otherwise they'll just turn up."

No you don't. As a PP suggested, leave a message with the venue explaining why it's cancelled. If parents who failed to RSVP show up, too bad for them.

That is really rude and not very nice. Every party I have had for dc, even my dd who has ASD, everybody replied, and turned up. I would cancel the party, and do something nice with dd instead. Tell parents who turned up but no party, that nobody replied so you thought that nobody could go, so cancelled. Their fault for not RSVP.