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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel DD birthday party?

336 replies

TheresHopeYet · 23/03/2016 07:15

DD is turning 4 and we have a party booked for her in two weeks time .

I handed out invites directly to parents 3 weeks ago with an RSVP date of TODAY!

I have not had a single RSVP. Not one . Angry

It's school holidays here and I do not know the parents well enough to chase them up or have phone numbers etc .

The balance of the party is due today ; it's £140. I have already paid a £20 deposit which I will lose .

If I cancel after paying the balance I will lose the lot .

Would you cancel? I could use the money to take DD away for the weekend instead.

I am worried though that a load of people will turn up at the party and we won't be there Blush

I need to decide today ! Help!

OP posts:
HPsauciness · 23/03/2016 09:54

I have given out invites both early and at the last min, my experience is that four weeks is too early, those people who have plans way ahead don't necessarily let you know that, and there's no urgency about the reply, it sits about and people don't respond. If you do that, then you need to put in big letters on the invite 'Please let me know if you are coming by X date as I need to book the venue' and also ideally have phone numbers to contact.

I have also done a last min party with one week to go (twice) and it's been easier, everyone responds straight away as it's in a few days time. What you lose with the one person not coming as they are booked up, the others then respond more promptly, but then I usually have their mobile numbers and text the invites if last min (ask one person for another person's number) as well as on paper. Mobile invites pretty much always get a good and quick response and you can text more than once!

Obviously when you are starting out you don't have people's mobiles, but after a year or so of parties/invitations/playdates, you usually do have enough to make that work rather than just sending out invites which get stuffed in the bottom of bags or forgotten about in a pile of letters.

FuzzyOwl · 23/03/2016 09:54

I appreciate you might have some disappointed children who turn up but if their parents weren't so rude and ignored your invite, it wouldn't have happened. However, far better that than your DD is there and no one turns up, and you don't have the money to take her elsewhere for the day to make up for it.

AlpacaLypse · 23/03/2016 09:59

Mine are teens now (whole other sets of problems... Smile) but I do remember this phase very well.

We very often didn't have the faintest idea what we would be doing more than a week or so ahead, so RSVPing five weeks in advance would have been difficult for us. I am guilty of failing to remember to RSVP until the night before too!

Use those two afternoon pick-ups at the beginning of next term as an intensive 'getting to know you' session. Double checking the party invites gives you an absolutely perfect excuse to approach other parents, grab some phone numbers, try and start sticking faces to names etc.

Hopefully at least one or two families that you meet will turn out to be nice people from the same planet as you are and you can start building up the network that makes our lives so much easier.

EponasWildDaughter · 23/03/2016 10:00

I would do a face to face sort of apologetic ''hiya, i handed DDs invites out so early! (silly me) It's this weekend - do you want the venue and time again?

I think looking an idiot sometimes comes with being a parent Grin

OhForTheLoveOfGin · 23/03/2016 10:02

People are crap about RSVPing. We had the opposite problem recently where I organised DDs birthday via a FB group a month in advance, 100% RSVP rate very quickly. Then later I realised the date clashed with Mother's Day. Mortified but couldn't change date for various reasons. Explained the clash in FB and apologised (ie. Gave ppl a chance to recind their RSVP and no one did). Then on the day I got text after text after text from friends saying they hadn't realised the clash and had plans Angry thankfully we had the party at home and lots of family came do we still had a good time, but I did feel like sending a strongly worded email to the FB group. I didn't though. They're good friends and I can also be forgetful at times Hmm

I'd say cancel, leave a message on the door of venue then go have a fab time with your DD

StrictlyMumDancing · 23/03/2016 10:06

Could you ask the school if they can send the kids home with a little reminder note? Our school has done this for a couple of people before, just handed each kid a letter as they walk out. Maybe a little late as you may not get a lot of responses tonight but maybe after the holidays.

HortonWho · 23/03/2016 10:09

I'd cancel. When I did my first party invite, DS was in two nurseries and it was also holiday time for one of the term-time nurseries. I foolishly wrote our address on the invites and after reading advice here, worried people would just show up. The term time nursery, where most parents were on maternity leave with younger kids, all RSVPd. (The nursery manager passed on my invites via email). The full time nursery, with working parents - not a single reply from the 6 invites. I even sent in a really polite note explaining we needed to confirm numbers for child entertainer, the staff personally handed the note out to parents -- Not. A. Single. Text. Email. Call. Rude.

HortonWho · 23/03/2016 10:13

Sorry just to clarify - the point about the working and non working parents is that I never met the working parents. In the term time nursery, there was a set drop off and pick up time so you had some face to face time with other parents. I think this caused the huge difference between people ignoring the RSVP. So if you never see the parents, I think safer to cancel.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 23/03/2016 10:13

My DD invited 20 class members, I got only one rsvp, only five turned up on the daySad I had a bouncy castle and face painter luckily I have 10 nieces and nephews but I was so annoyed. Dd had a ball though.

SausagesAndLaughter · 23/03/2016 10:13

I would cancel it, and spend the money on a weekend away with your DD. Even if you do politely remind everyone when the school starts back, thats still only 2 days before the party and you run the risk of most people suddenly telling you they can't attend.

Shame on them for their rudeness - they have had 3 weeks to send a simple text or phonecall and they haven't bothered Angry I hope your DD has a wonderful birthday and you have a fab weekend Flowers

lorelei9 · 23/03/2016 10:15

OP cancel, don't risk loss of money.

If anyone turns up on the day, not your fault.

Rachel0Greep · 23/03/2016 10:16

I would cancel. It's a lot of money to lose. Do something nice instead, as you have mentioned, like going away to somewhere that DD will enjoy.

NoOneIsInterested · 23/03/2016 10:17

If cancel, it would be awful for your DD if no one turned up - if anyone does RSVP closer to the date then you could arrange something quickly like a swim or a tea.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 23/03/2016 10:17

Can you get siblings friends, your friends dc, cousins etc to come? I see why you want to cancel but its a shame your dd who is so little will miss out due to some rude twats.

Ellle · 23/03/2016 10:19

Hi OP, if you decide not to cancel and chase up the parents in the two days after they go back to school before the party, one subtly way of doing it is saying that you just need to check that their child doesn't have any allergies/dietary requirements (if you or the venue are serving food), and use it as a excuse to check whether they are coming or not.

But also, I think it should be fine if you decide to cancel and let the other parents know in the two days after they go back to school. At my DS's school I've seen the reception teachers writing notes on the board outside the classroom to remind parents to RSPV for someone's party that all parents can see at pick up. You could do something similar to cancel the party, or hand out notes.

ricketytickety · 23/03/2016 10:23

Don't cancel - there will be some coming that haven't rsvp'd. Do school pick up and speak to the parents and say you want to check the numbers. It's not mad, they'll get it - we all have these issues.

Ditto inviting relatives - cousins, friends' children, no matter what age - they will come and make her feel like it's busy.

HanYOLO · 23/03/2016 10:24

What a shame that no-one has responded

Is the party in the holidays? If so I would deffo cancel.

TBH though, I would make an absolute point of getting on fb if only for the purpose of getting a point of contact with other parents, also finding one or two people who you like (or parents of kids your daughter is friends with) so that potentially you have a bit of a network. I know it is hard, especially if you are not there much.

Also, TBH, no-one ever responds to a kids party invitation 5 whole weeks into the future. That's more like the distance of a "save the date". People are scatty, some people are rude, some invitations never make it home and lurk in a tray, and the truth is that especially if you have more than one kid a party invitation may be just something you do if you can manage it nearer the time. Give people much shorter time to respond and they know if they can or they can't.

In this case I would cancel, send a note round, and then invite half a dozen of those who DD wants to come for a birthday tea.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 23/03/2016 10:26

I just don't get why people don't respond! Even if its to say I'm not sure yet, will let you know asap. I work shifts and have to do this most times.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 23/03/2016 10:29

Yes hans the lost invite thing is quite common.

cardibach · 23/03/2016 10:29

Id cancel and plan for a cheap last. Minute alternative you can tell people about when they go back to school.
I'm annoyed by several posters on here though - saying they don't reply to early invitations because they don't know what they'll be doing in 4 weeks. You just got an invitation, accept it and then that's what you are doing. So rude to wait for a better offer. Either accept or decline straight away!

littlethingsthatbug · 23/03/2016 10:35

I would cancel too I wouldn't risk spending that much for people not to turn up when I could do something nice with the dcs

If the invites were due back today and you are in the holidays I expect there is a way of them contacting you that doesn't involve face to face?
Did it have your contact mobile on or something like that? Call or text (it's not hard text infact id prefer it personally then I have something to refer to)

I guess you're a bit stuck regards to the invites 4 weeks is abit long but then really you are giving them 2 weeks before they break up because you wont see them for 2 weeks. I would ensure the RSVP date is before they break up then you have the chance to talk before they break to finalise, but then that means they have to know well in advance their plans. I have issues getting back to people about parties because i'm separated and it could be on ex weekend but I always explain that and say I will try to get back as soon as I know.

Brekekekex · 23/03/2016 10:35

Could you host a party at your house instead? That way you can cancel and not lose the £140, but could still go ahead with a party for your DD if it turns out some kids can come after all. Plus the "change of venue" gives you the perfect excuse to chase people up.

mortgagefreesoon5 · 23/03/2016 10:40

I would cancel it and do stag really nice with your DD, as previously mentioned, a visit to the zoo, crafts coffee shop visit, fish and chips by thd sea, indoor playing or even a picnic, take lots of pics.
Maybe a notice outside the play centre explaining why you cancelled. Something simple. Unfortunately people can be thoughtless, not meaning any harm but simply thoughtless.
Another thought, has your daughter have a special friend that could come for a play date perhaps ?

NoSquirrels · 23/03/2016 10:41

In your situation, I think I'd cancel. Not one RSVP and £160 is a lot of money to lose.

I would then hand out an apology note on return to school to say party is cancelled, and try my very best to organise a smaller play-date style party to soft play/a day trip/a tea party at home for my DD.

Then next year I'd remember and try to chase up well in advance. I have both been chased and the chaser, and so it happens to everyone. Try not to take it personally. People very often have good intentions and fail to follow through.

FankEweVeryMuch · 23/03/2016 10:47

Invites often don't get handed out until 2 weeks before parties here so I'm not surprised you've had so few replies. I he people reply 2 days before my sons party last month (fine luckily as they confirm numbers two days before).

I personally wouldn't cancel.