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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To cancel DD birthday party?

336 replies

TheresHopeYet · 23/03/2016 07:15

DD is turning 4 and we have a party booked for her in two weeks time .

I handed out invites directly to parents 3 weeks ago with an RSVP date of TODAY!

I have not had a single RSVP. Not one . Angry

It's school holidays here and I do not know the parents well enough to chase them up or have phone numbers etc .

The balance of the party is due today ; it's £140. I have already paid a £20 deposit which I will lose .

If I cancel after paying the balance I will lose the lot .

Would you cancel? I could use the money to take DD away for the weekend instead.

I am worried though that a load of people will turn up at the party and we won't be there Blush

I need to decide today ! Help!

OP posts:
BettyBi0 · 23/03/2016 08:32

I wouldn't cancel if I were you. It's a tricky situation as you are new to the area and don't have at contact details for anyone yet.

My concern would be impact on DD after the hols if people were to show up and find no party but on the other hand, no one wants to throw a party with no guests.

Yes, it's rude of the parents not to reply but to have not had a single RSVP I'd be wondering if I'd mis-written the contact details on the invite.

I'm sure at least a few people will turn up and it will be a great chance to make some friends in your new area. I'd also recommend signing up to the dreaded Facebook so that you can connect with local people on parenting sites for your daughter's sake

TheWordOfBagheera · 23/03/2016 08:33

Before you decide, do just double check that you put the right number on the invitation to make sure they haven't all responded to a different number!

HPsauciness · 23/03/2016 08:34

This is a shame for you.

Next time, I've found an invite about two weeks before the actual date is fine- you sent yours 5 weeks before the party, and most people won't know what they are doing in 5 weeks time so won't reply, but then their plans get sorted out and they forget to go back and tell you.

I'd also anticipate crapness, I've found that every party I've done I either needed to chase in the playground/or get mobile numbers and text to ask if children are attending.

It's such a shame for her and you as you have gone to a huge effort, but I have also been that parent who has not replied by the RSVP date due to waiting too long, and then had to text at the last min, so I can't say I'm entirely blameless.

DeltaSunrise · 23/03/2016 08:35

Oh what a crappy situation. I don't know what I would do. If you cancel, people will turn up, if you don't no-one will. That's the way these things work usually.

My ds1's birthday is in 2 weeks. We've invited 18 with an RSVP date for Saturday. So far only 4 have replied that they'll be coming. Luckily for us, his party is one of those pay for however many turn up on the day. I think we'll end up with a few more just turn up on the day.

I don't know. I would hate the fall out in the playground if you cancelled and people showed up so would probably go ahead with it and hope for the best.

HPsauciness · 23/03/2016 08:36

How to solve this from now, what about contacting the school or teacher today, they may still be around and explain the situation or have you the contact details of even one mum or dad? They could then ask the parents of children they know and so on. Facebook?

Original poster
TheresHopeYet · 23/03/2016 09:02

I have spoken to the venue as suggested and they won't budge on the pay date - they said they wouldn't be able to fill another party with short notice . Which is fair enough .

I have no idea of the other parents' names or contact details .

On the rare occasion I have done pick up, they barely say hello .

The children go back to school with only 2 days for me to chase invites . I'll have to leave work early to do pick up and if everyone says no, I'll have still wasted £140.

Ffs . Never again! Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
TheresHopeYet · 23/03/2016 09:05

I think I'm just going to have to suck it up and pay Sad

Then chase the invites on the return to school .

How do I approach it though without sounding rude ? Blush

OP posts:
originalmavis · 23/03/2016 09:08

They will turn up. I found that there's a particular crappinesd around replying to party invites - you mean you aren't psychic?

Jellibobs · 23/03/2016 09:10

If you are going ahead with it, I'd just tell the parents that you need to confirm numbers with the venue and wanted to check whether they could make it.

I hate RSVP time! It stresses me out every year!!

Really hope you get some who come xx

originalmavis · 23/03/2016 09:11

"So we will see you on the 6th?"
"Just checking you are still on for the party"
"Don't forget to bring a change of socks for softplay"
"Any allergies - tbe venue need to know beforehand"
"Did you ever have any manner, are just pig ignorant or don't you know what rsvp means?"

TooGood2BeFalse · 23/03/2016 09:11

As it's still 2 weeks away, I really think there's a chance people will be intending on RSVPing eventually.

I held a party for my DS for his 4th birthday and several people didn't think twice about replying several days late, one even the night before!

However, I didn't have to pay the balance upfront and I was really nervous that no one would come as he was new to the nursery and didn't have many other friends, so it was easier for me to kind of 'wait and see', although it really stressed me out.

I would probably pay the balance and hope for the best, but agree it's very unfair on you.

EponasWildDaughter · 23/03/2016 09:20

The children go back to school with only 2 days for me to chase invites

Right. In this case i would be there at pick up come hell or high water and hang out very polite little reminders! Basically another invite. You can excuse it by saying you've realised you handed the first ones out much too early.

They might think you're a bit bonkers but it's got to be better than your DD getting no one turning up.

EponasWildDaughter · 23/03/2016 09:21

Not hang out - hand out!

MattDillonsPants · 23/03/2016 09:23

Epona has it! I didn't realise OP would have those two days! OP you must do as Epona says.

Original poster
TheresHopeYet · 23/03/2016 09:29

epona good idea ! Would it work if I just asked them though face to face at pick up or is that a little too much?

[worries about looking bonkers as suggestedGrin]

I'm so shy though so I'm going to have to grow me some balls !

I handed the invites out so early as the pay date is right bang in the middle of the school holidays so I thought I was being organised .

OP posts:
FuzzyOwl · 23/03/2016 09:37

I would cancel and if anyone does RSVP between now and then, take them with you on a day out with your DD. If lots of people reply or suddenly say they are going, then explain that because they didn't reply in time for the original venue it is now too late but they are welcome to come to your house or meet at a soft play place.

hairymairyfromthedairy · 23/03/2016 09:37

Face to face would be better I think as you'd most likely get an instant answer - doesn't help with your pay dilemma today though Sad

ChopOrNot · 23/03/2016 09:38

Next time (if you can ever face braving one again Grin ) put the RSVP date several days before you actually need to know. And work out that you will be around to chase before the date too. been where you are and learned a similar lesson

toots111 · 23/03/2016 09:39

I'm new to all this party etiquette. Someone said earlier 2 weeks is enough notice for a party. I just sent my daughters invites out with 4 week's notice. I personally have plans booked way in advance and would be unlikely to be free with 2 week's notice. Is that the normal time? Just wondering if I've made a real faux pas.

IdealWeather · 23/03/2016 09:40

Tbh, I think you organised things very well. The party is in the school hols so you handed to invites in such a way that parents have had time to answer before you had to pay for the whole party. It's normal and not too early on.

I have to say, I think parents need to find themselves in a situation where they turn up at the party and nothing is on. No one seem to be bothered to answer to party invites anymore but they still expect the party to go on regardless AngryHmm.
I'm sure a few situations like this where a parent says ''I'm really sorry but as no one wanted to come to dd's party/bothered to send a response, we've had to cancel the party' would make a few people wake up.

PerryHatter · 23/03/2016 09:41

I would cancel. I'd be pissed off at losing out on £20, never mind another £160. Just let them turn up to a cancelled party and they'll learn they should RSVP in future Wink no, but I would tell them the reason it's cancelled.

IdealWeather · 23/03/2016 09:42

2 weeks is absolutely fine.
I agree with toots, people have things organised and tbh it just gets worse as children grow up.
Add to that children who have p[arties at a similar time (and ended up with two parties at the same weekend), it gets complicated to say the least.

People who give me an invite a week before look very disorganised in my book.

PerryHatter · 23/03/2016 09:42

*never mind £160, that should say.

PerryHatter · 23/03/2016 09:43

toots 4 weeks would be perfect for me.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 23/03/2016 09:45

I would also cancel, and leave a note with the venue in case anyone turns up. Use the money to do something awesome with Dd instead.

If it's something like soft play and only two people turn up you and DD will both feel a bit rotten.

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