Weekend away with male best friend and his girlfriend.

[potentialthirdwheel]

NC for this as potentially outing, sorry its long!

I'm going for a weekend away in another city to see a band I've been waiting to see for almost 10 years. My male best friend and I have booked to see this band across the atlantic in the past but the first trip was cancelled due to life threatening illness and second because the band split up. This a last chance affair for me to see them, and a band that we have mutually loved for the 10 years of our friendship.

Best friend, we'll call him B, has a girlfriend F, they've recently moved in together. F has issues stemming back to her past and is very very insecure, sees me as some sort of goddess figure that B is in love with and I am brought up in every single arguement between them. Her reasons are that we dated for approximately 2 weeks 8 years ago, and that he talks about me too much. We've been best friends so for long, and travelled a lot and experienced a lot together so its understandable I might get brought up in conversation. B is not allowed to socialise with other females, despite all of his female friends being in long-term relationships, myself included.

B seen that the band was playing a one off show, and asked F is she was up for a weekend away with the three of us to see the band. F blew a fuse over him asking me because she has apparently already decided they would go together as a couples weekend, no previous mention of it to B, and that he should now just go away with me because he clearly wants a dirty weekend.

F eventually relaxed, tickets, hotel and transport all booked. This week F said that she wants to go to another event whilst there with B, and that I'm not to come because its for them as a couple only and that I can "find something else to do". B thinks this is unfair and has caused a falling out with F who thinks he is now picking me over her. F has said that she wants to see public displays of affection when I'm around to prove that he is focused on her and not me.

I'm not fussed about them going off and doing something together, I understand that as a couple they might want to do something on their own, but B is miffed at her insistence about it. My DP isn't coming due to other commitments, he knows I have a healthy and purely platonic friendship with B, he is also his friend.

B is now feeling very awkward about the trip, and has said he feels horrible at her demands to ditch me so they can do something together, even though he knows I'm okay with it, it was not a weekend specifically for them as a couple. F has to come along, despite not liking the band, or B wouldnt be allowed on the trip alone with me. B thought he was doing a good thing by getting tickets for us to go to something we'd been trying to do for years. He is a very good partner, works hard and is extremely caring to all his friends, family and previous partners, he would never ever be unfaithful and the thought of us even being together is absolutely vile. I'm happily engaged and planning children in the near future.

Is F being unreasonable to feel the way she is, and to demand I find something else to do at some point during the trip so they can do something together or AIBU by going on this trip in the first place, and imposing on what F decided was a couples weekend? Should I even go at all?

I dont enjoy my position in this at all

There's the crux of it. Because it's reading like you thoroughly enjoy it.

Your best friend is so terribly concerned and worried for this woman, that he still spills all of their private conversations to another woman, is pissed off that she wants them to 'leave you out' on their couples weekend, and is only with her in case she kills herself?

You're not enjoying all the drama but haven't actually changed hotel/took a step back/told him to grow the fuck up.

What's all this "should I invite her for coffee" bullshit? If she wanted to be your friend, she would be.

I think you need to get the fuck over yourself, personally. As does he. She would be well shot of the pair of you.

'Step backwards'

Great idea

I was in a similar position but with my male best friend there was no romantic history, not even a kiss. I am guessing that during your 2 week relationship you slept together? I think that this is the key issue here.

Go to your music event, be smiley and very independent. Make up things that you want to do if you can't actually find stuff to do.

I went to a with a music festival with my male friend and his new girlfriend, she was really insecure about me, it was awful and came to a head when male friend and I both needed the loo (big festival, big queues etc) meeting point arranged for the 3 of us, she didn't need the bathroom, I went to the loo, went to the meeting point and they were no where to be seen, I waited an hour and ended up spending the rest of the day alone (although chatted to some lovely people). Turns out that she had told him that I had said I was going off and not to wait for me!

We went on a holiday, just the two of us that was pre booked before they got together and I think that pushed her over the edge and he was dumped!

Go to the concert, OP. Never miss a good gig.
But distance yourself from your male 'friend' and stop kidding yourself. You like his attention and you like the drama. Let him go, let him make his life with the present partner or another.

DIVA we have never slept together, we dated for 2 weeks in my teens/his early 20s and realised quickly we just werent that way inclined for one another!

Ive been happy from the start to go off and do things myself, it was B who said he felt uncomfortable with us all going and then me having to find something else to do, she wants to see a west end show which isnt my thing anyway

So she wants to see a West End show as you are in London and he won't go because it's not fair on his female friend? And you wonder why she's insecure? It's not about whether you've shagged it's about him affording the "goddess" more priority than his relationship.

I don't understand why you would want to go away with the two of them when she clearly doesn't like you. She doesn't think you're a "goddess" she thinks you're a boyfriend stealing trollop. I know this gig is a big deal to you but surely it would be better to go alone than to spend the weekend as a third wheel in someone else's relationship drama?

I can't help but feel sorry for your friend's GF. In your OP she is depicted as this unstable, deeply insecure bundle of neediness...maybe she is, maybe she isn't. But I have come across many men who MAKE women insecure and needy and then delight in telling others how "crazy" they are and I wonder whether your friend may fall into this category.

Even if this woman is a complete loon, her BF constantly drip feeding you unflattering information about her and telling everyone in great detail how jealous she is of you, then inviting you on a weekend away with them isn't exactly going to make her less insecure is it?? What did he expect? He doesn't sound as though he's going out of his way to avoid drama, let's put it that way.

I bet you'd be shocked at B.

I bet he's feeding F with 'don't really want her to come but felt obliged as its her fave group, don't worry I'll make sure we get time to ourselves'

All sounds very immature. Generally when you have a partner you don't expect to continue like you're single spending a weekend alone with a friend of the opposite sex even if you are both in a relationship. I think most women would feel insecure by the sound of your relationship.