to think parents have no idea what goes on in schools

[dogsnotsprogs]

I am nearing my end of sixth form (A Levels) and I was just thinking that parents might not understand the pressures school gives children/young people as well as what goes on, on a daily basis.

I am just going to give a few examples of what has happened in my years at a state comprehensive school.

1. A boy (think this was year 10/11 so 15/16 years old) came into the classroom at lunch with a vibrator/dildo and was waving it about before he ran up to this boy (same age) and rammed the vibrator near his asshole through his school trousers. The second boy told his mum and then the first boy nearly got arrested for sexual assault. Nobody cared about the second boy and people started to dislike him, as the first boy was suspended for a week.

2. I know a lot of parents worry about porn / the Internet. I was aware of porn and sex for pleasure rather than to pro-create, at about 11? Boys had it on their phones and were sending it to each other.

3. I don't know if you've seen the videos on Facebook but there are some gore/shock sites that contain images of weird fetishes, gay porn, infected vaginas and Mexican men getting beheaded with a chainsaw. We (us being my year group) saw these pictures and gross videos so much throughout year 10-12 and still today. We have become desensitised to violence, sexual violence and gore.

4. I watched my first horror film (rated 15) at 6 years old, as did most of the people at school.

5. Swearing is frequent. Now I'm in sixth form it's also used more commonly by teachers who we call by their first names.

6. Seatbelting and peanutting someone? Does this still happen?? Seatbelting someone is where you pull as hard as you can on their backpack and hopefully usually they will fall to the ground. I saw someone have their bag completely ripped from the handles earlier today. Peanutting someone is (if they wear a tie for uniform) pulling/tugging in their tie so the knot gets super tight and is often impossible to get off.

7. Teachers have thrown stuff (chairs etc) at students.

8. A girl in my GCSE English class got drunk in the double lesson after drinking vodka in full view of the teacher.

9. The majority of people in my year lost their virginities at around ages 13/14 and some have up to 12 partners at the age of 18.

Was it like this in your day? AIBU to think you are unaware of this sort of thing occurring in your child's school?

BTW - My school is shit, I know that.

There's loads more but I can't think!

Dd1 is 5 and l truly despair at her growing up. The way women are objectified in this porn-is-normal era really makes me worried for her future relationships.

I'd rather homeschool than send my child to a school like that :( is it most schools? Hope you found learning OK and got some gcses and finding a levels OK :)

I'm was a teacher, so yeah, I get it.

Partly why we home ed.

But I have to temper that with saying that not all schools are like yours, many are much better.

But YABU to assume that is the norm, and to assume that parents are 'unaware'. Presumably you talk to yours?

Definitely was not like this for me, although I've since gone on to work extensively in education and as a result, plan to home educate. Also no longer working in education

Yeah, sounds like my school 20 odd years ago, except the porn was mags. And, most importantly I guess, disgusting clips were not available on mobile devices. I knew kids who had watched driller killer, texts chainsaw massacre at 11/12.
Our teachers used to throw wooden board rubbers at our heads, so..I think teachers were a lot more abusive 30 years ago than now.

Who the hell let you watch a horror film at 6?

This made me laugh.

I was young once. Many of those things, worse and similar happened in my very strict catholic school.

I can imagine exactly what's happens at school. Luckily dd can't hold her own water. She came out the other day and the first thing she told me was about how a year 9 boy got caught with a four pack of beers, with his packed lunch. He had drank almost two and once pissed.

Dd (11) watches films certified older than her age. She is aware of sex, sex education doesn't hide that much.

I lost my virginity at 15, smoked weed at 14, started drinking at about 14z

I am not raising everyone else's child. I am easing my own and will concentrate on that and cross my fingers. That's all you can really do.

I hated to add this is actually a very good school. But with almost three thousand pupils. Stuff like this happens.

The way women are objectified in this porn-is-normal era really makes me worried for her future relationships

I remember boys being obsessed with porn in the 80s. It was mags not Internet, or a stash of vhs (showing my age) being passed round.

Sounds like what teens were getting up to 10 years ago when I was still at school.

Parents have all been to school themselves op, and the next generation are rarely the trailblazing anarchists they think themselves at the time.

In many ways it was similar... By far the biggest difference is the internet... The porn that was available was top-shelf magazines - A world anyway from what's readily available these days... I'm horrified that my children will very likely during their teens (and maybe even before) be exposed to full-on snuff-videos that were regarded urban myths when I was younger! I don't feel
Th government is trying hard enough in this area.

Doesn't sound that different to when I was in school 10 years ago... I doubt things have changed that much.

Point 3 worries me a great deal.

Everyone who went to school ever understands this. Kids are cunts.

Sounds the same as my school in the 90s (the porn being magazines and without the devices). Loads of people were shagging in the local graveyard, although now I'm older I realise the ones doing it told everyone so it felt like more people were doing it aged 13 if you know what I mean.

Early

This won't be helpful but that's not new either, kids were sharing such videos a decade ago.

However I believe that in 10 years time the freedom we now have on the Internet will be long gone. That won't be an entirely bad thing either.

the next generation are rarely the trailblazing anarchists they think themselves at the time

^^This

we are home- edding too but oh! the memories!

Not all of this is school-related, really. Makes me wonder what your support network is like and whether there are/were adults in your life that you could share this with. I hope so.

Horrible things happen. They happen now, they happened in the past, and they happen to good kids in good schools too. As parents we can teach kids strategies to try and avoid the most grueling experiences, or in case where this stuff already happened, then how to cope with the consequences. We also have to try our absolute best to make sure that our children don't have to face difficult situations like these alone. They must know who to speak to (parents if possible, but other responsible adults if not).

And in no way this is 'the norm'!

Some incidents from my childhood were much worse (like beating up a teacher, sexual abuse etc). Adolescence is hard and it's a high risk time. Stay safe and out of trouble.

Pretty much the same when I was at school

Plus weed smoking, blow jobs in the toilets. low level bullying etc.

I peanut my own kids

What a strange post. Not sure what point you are trying to make (badly)

None of the OP's points are surprising, I went to a fairly small quiet good school and most of the stuff similar to what OP described happened back then as well (approx 20 years ago)

Bullying has always been an issue, children and teenagers (and adults!!)throughout the ages have always been cruel to each other

also i would take the 'lost my virginity at 13' with a pinch of salt, who doesn't remember lying about that at one point or another in their lives

I don't think access to porn is that worrying, I'm more worried about all these gun attacks at schools. Young people with mental health issues taking it on others.

Thanks for this OP. All parents also went to school. Why do you think it was any different?

Well, ds's school doesn't have ties as part of the uniform so at least the peanutting is less likely to happen...

And a horror film at 6 is hardly the fault of your secondary school.

Other than that, yes, I worry about all of this kind of thing.