to think parents have no idea what goes on in schools

[dogsnotsprogs]

I am nearing my end of sixth form (A Levels) and I was just thinking that parents might not understand the pressures school gives children/young people as well as what goes on, on a daily basis.

I am just going to give a few examples of what has happened in my years at a state comprehensive school.

1. A boy (think this was year 10/11 so 15/16 years old) came into the classroom at lunch with a vibrator/dildo and was waving it about before he ran up to this boy (same age) and rammed the vibrator near his asshole through his school trousers. The second boy told his mum and then the first boy nearly got arrested for sexual assault. Nobody cared about the second boy and people started to dislike him, as the first boy was suspended for a week.

2. I know a lot of parents worry about porn / the Internet. I was aware of porn and sex for pleasure rather than to pro-create, at about 11? Boys had it on their phones and were sending it to each other.

3. I don't know if you've seen the videos on Facebook but there are some gore/shock sites that contain images of weird fetishes, gay porn, infected vaginas and Mexican men getting beheaded with a chainsaw. We (us being my year group) saw these pictures and gross videos so much throughout year 10-12 and still today. We have become desensitised to violence, sexual violence and gore.

4. I watched my first horror film (rated 15) at 6 years old, as did most of the people at school.

5. Swearing is frequent. Now I'm in sixth form it's also used more commonly by teachers who we call by their first names.

6. Seatbelting and peanutting someone? Does this still happen?? Seatbelting someone is where you pull as hard as you can on their backpack and hopefully usually they will fall to the ground. I saw someone have their bag completely ripped from the handles earlier today. Peanutting someone is (if they wear a tie for uniform) pulling/tugging in their tie so the knot gets super tight and is often impossible to get off.

7. Teachers have thrown stuff (chairs etc) at students.

8. A girl in my GCSE English class got drunk in the double lesson after drinking vodka in full view of the teacher.

9. The majority of people in my year lost their virginities at around ages 13/14 and some have up to 12 partners at the age of 18.

Was it like this in your day? AIBU to think you are unaware of this sort of thing occurring in your child's school?

BTW - My school is shit, I know that.

There's loads more but I can't think!

On a separate note has anyone read the Daily Mail feature about how shit schools are before they become academies? Or has it not been published yet?

It sounds similar to my school life 30 years ago. Although we didn't have the internet, so there was a lot less porn and no beheading videos. Drugs weren't around until I was in my 20s.

But the following happened:

Pupils used to smoke and get drunk in class.

Teachers threw stuff at pupils.
There was lots of fighting.
Pupils locked teachers in store rooms.
Most of my peers lost their virginity around 14 or 15. There were pregnancies and miscarriages and abortions.
I saw my first horror film at a friend's house age 11, but lots of my friends saw them younger.
Bullying happened often.

I went to an average comprehensive in a middle-income area.

It shapes you though doesn't it .

My secondary school experience was not so dissimilar from this and it was a decade ago.
There was an actual French French teacher that used to lose her temper and launch chairs across the room, was well known for it and quite why she was never fired I do not know perhaps the head teacher was petrified of her too.
I had a history teacher in year 9 that used to make up shit as he went along. Literally would make figures up like "and about 20000 people died." When it was closer to 5000. I corrected him a couple of times which he wasn't best pleased about.
Had a religious studies teacher that used to run out of the classroom crying because she couldn't handle us.
Endless supply teachers...and we all knew if a supply teacher was in that was code word for do no work and fuck about as much as possible.
So so easy to skive school, we'd just walk out of the gates!
Couple of girls in my year had babies at 14. One of them had had three abortions by year 10.
Lots of people smoked weed at the school gates as you were walking in and at break time. I never smoked pot but I did smoke Marlboro reds and quite openly too, hardly any staff around to pull you up on it.

Basically was a joke. Now a failing academy which doesn't surprise me.
secondary schools up and down the country are like yours. That's teenagers, that's the system and standards we have in this country. No wonder so many secondary school teachers are quitting.

In short OP, yes yabu to think parents don't know the half of it - we do! Did it ourselves. Thought we were the first. We weren't!

Sniffing poppers was the only thing that got me through double Maths

Yep, i think most of us have experienced or seen some of this before. 2 and 3 didn't because we didnt have computers then and those two thing worry me for my children

Peanutting, seatbelting, teachers throwing stuff, some children losing their virginity very early, swearing

I'm not stupid but a chunk of those things havent happened to my children at their school yet...hopefully never will

school of 500.
dildo scene would would have resulted in boy 1 being taken to the office and receiving some sort of corporal punishment. boy two told to toughen up, friends of boy two or boy two alone having a fist fight with boy one. eventually one or both boys would be expelled from school.
loads of Playboy mags...
Vietnam war scenes on tv nightly.
Alcohol and drugs (hash, mj)
Sex it was the 70's....and teenagers are teenagers.

but expulsion and corporal punishment and I suppose small numbers made for the school to be decent and reasonable.

I'm 38 and went to a 'good' school and this all sounds very familiar. I remember a friend taking lsd in a biology lesson ...and a group snorting lines of speed on the football pitch. ..everyone was on drugs ..It was the 90s.rave scene.
..
Your story isn't so shocking to me !

I am in my late thirties and my experience in a small community college in the 1990's was the same. Only less porn because no internet. Nearly everyone smoked, swore like absolute troopers. Teachers who confiscated fags or drugs were to be found in the pubs or at parties in the weekend dabbling in the same confiscated items. Learning or showing any interest in your GCSE's was social suicide and resulted in bullying or being ignored. Teachers scared of the kids. Everyday casua sexism, bra pinging, being told you were 'minging' without make up. Made to feel like you were the odd one out if you hadn't had sex by 14. I would say the drama series 'skins' was a pretty accurate reflection of my school. No teachers ever pushes students (apart from drama and maths but they were only interested in super bright pupils).

And I might add that there was no knife crime or guns, and was definitely not seen as a 'problem school'

I am really concerned about my DD starting school. I know I being judgemental but I have lived this hell and I worry about the influence of who she will be mixing with. My school experience of mixing with drugs, sexism, sexual assault, being bullied for working has followed me in my life and contributed to some very bad decisions (I.e. Not going to uni because it's more fun to stay and party with my mates and bum around in their beds sits). My sister was privately educated and she had a VERY different experience. I know people say you have to learn to mix with all sorts of people, but never in my adult life have in been forced to spend 6 hours a day, 5 days a week around smoking, drugs, bullying, sexism and inappropriate sexual behaviour (Borderline sexual assault)

Its not a lot different from my boarding school in the 1970s and early 80s.

There was a lot more casual violence from teachers back then.

Oh gee, thanks for putting us oldies straight because none of us were ever teens or have teens of our own.

I think parents are very aware of what goes on at school. They have their own experiences plus what they hear from their children. They probably know more than you do, op.

A school with THREE THOUSAND PUPILS???

It was much easier for us you could photocopy passports for fake idea and get vodka in your school uniform.

I don't know how kids manage nowadays.

Sounds just like my old school! I remember my head of year trying not to laugh in our leavers assembly as he read out our list of confiscated items.
Golf clubs
Ice picks
Vibrators
BB guns
Ferrets

O and buy a 5 bag of weed.

Op? Why weren't you the one looking at porn, getting drunk and loosing your virginity?

It's very disappointing that this has been your experience, OP. No, it shouldn't be like that. You're right to think that some things are getting worse - point 3 is probably the one that we should be worrying about most.

I think parents do know that schools are often very inappropriate places for children to be I'm quite touched that you think we should know, perhaps so we'll do something about it? But really, one parent can't change much, except to home educate their child or simply support them through the chaos as best they can.

I would like to think that you might write this letter, unsigned perhaps, to the board of governors at your school. The standards are clearly low and for the sake of the children, someone should be lifting a finger to change that.

I went to secondary school in the 80s (and not a particularly good one). There were bullies, smoking (cigarettes) and a bit of alcohol but nothing too bad. Lots of talking about sex and a few teenage mums but never saw any porn.

In defence of the OP, my mum seriously had no idea what it was like. When I have tried to tell her she thinks I am exaggerating to 'show off'. Honestly she would NOT believe it. She is quite an innocent though especially around the Internet and porn. She once said to me 'well none of the men I know would dream of looking at pornography on their phones or Internet. I think you must be wrong ploppy or hanging round with some serious odd people' !

She is also absolutely adement that no ten year old boys would have any interest in porn or have ever seen anything like it, let alone have access to it. She was a primary school teacher for 25 years!

This made me lol
Not much different and op seems to think it's shocking!
But the teachers didn't throw anything that I know of...

I had a fling with a teacher, we never did it on school premises though

The thing about swearing made me lol, you're not shocked by swearing I hope? It sounds like it.

Main difference sounds like Internet. Porn mags were always brought in. Re weed smoking,there were threats of expulsion but then one student said he knew which teachers were using the same dealer as the students under threat, and he would name those teachers to the local paper if anyone was expelled, so that was all sorted quickly. No point losing the half dozen or so best teachers for the sake a bit of weed.

Ah, I enjoyed school. But I do realise it must be horrible to be seat belted etc. Not sure what anyone can do about bullies. I did wonder if physical bullying had reduced now there's a cyber bullying option!

My school in the 1990's was pretty similar to this.

One big difference was that without the internet point (3) didn't apply, and although boys passed around porn mags they were much tamer.

In my school it was pretty common for students (especially sixth formers) to bring alcohol into school and also cannabis, which was smoked on the school field. The teachers generally turned a blind eye, except in the case of one boy who was openly dealing- he got expelled.

My A-Level English teacher used to take the entire class to the pub (many of us were under 18!).

Regarding point (9), although some people do lose their virginity at 13/14, lots also lie about it and don't actually have sex until rather later.

Geez. My school wasn't like that at all. The OP's description sounds like Lord of the Flies on steroids. The worst thing that ever happened at my secondary school was when a girl got suspended for nicking a pair of shoes from the gym changing rooms!! There was bullying of the sort where people were excluded from things/called names sometimes/mind games etc. But other than that the school was just full of normal fairly nice (mostly) kids. Horror films at about 14 I think, which I hated and put me off them for life. And the youngest in my friendship group to lose her virginity was 15, but the rest of us 16/17.

Man. Didn't realise we were such a sheltered bunch of special snowflakes.

Point 3 of the OP's post is horrific. I wouldn't sleep if I thought my dd had been exposed to that sort of violence.

Madamdeathstare wow! What a company. I have been lucky and no where I have worked. (A fair few places) have ever had people like that. The worst pupils from my old school actually don't work. I am still in touch with some people from school and who still live in the town. It's an unfortunate stereo type, but you could have predicted that many would be still unemployed, living in a bedsit, still on drugs but worse ones and mostly with many children who are very sadly repeating the pattern. A fair number are in and out of prison, a number have died in avoidable circumstances.

There are also those who are working low paid unskilled jobs because quite simply school didn't equip them with an education or the social skills to enable them a brighter future. really great lovely people who didn't have parents at home filling in the gaps. It's sad to see all that potential wasted. Okay if they are happy, but many are bitter and frustrated and simply tire and worn out at living on the breadline.

My mum is 70 in 2 weeks - she got drunk in the library of her oh so nice Grammar School and was expelled - so that's not new now is it?

Some of us parents work in schools so we do know what those schools are like.

You are describing what YOUR school isn't really is it is like

you don't actually know what every school in the UK is like so maybe start with that!