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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my boyfriend move in because of his dog?

97 replies

Redhound · 20/03/2016 15:30

I like dogs and own one. Boyfriend has 3 large dogs. One is a sweetheart and pleasure to own. One is generally unpleasant and very irritating but not a danger. The third is a proven livestock killer and serial biter. I allow it at my house when he comes at weekends, but very reluctantly as I have the general public around and livestock too. I insist it is muzzled and watched at all times when outdoors. BF tries to comply with this but is very laid back about the dog so I am very anxious when the dog is here. Today, I found he had let it out without a muzzle as he couldn't find one. My livestock was out and someone turned up at the gate. I am really upset. AIBU to say that he cannot move in while the dog is still around? He is normally thoughtful and considerate but seems to have a blank spot about this liability of a dog :(

OP posts:
SmallBee · 20/03/2016 15:34

YANBU.
He needs to look after his dog properly and you need to be able trust him to do it.

Oysterbabe · 20/03/2016 15:34

Yanbu. Moving in 3 large dogs is too much to ask especially when one of them has such serious behavioural problems.

CreepingDogFart · 20/03/2016 15:35

I love dogs so much by on this occasion I think you're right to not let him move in due to the dog. Also, it wouldn't be fair on the dog itself to live somewhere where it needs to be muzzled constantly and where it will perhaps pick up on not being liked.

AgentZigzag · 20/03/2016 15:35

Course you're not, you'll have to stop him bringing the dog round if he can't keep it and every living thing around it safe.

Very concerning.

AgentZigzag · 20/03/2016 15:37

How/why has he still got a dog that's a 'proven livestock killer and serial biter'?

I admire his loyalty and that, but is it a bit unusual to keep, what sounds like a pretty violent animal, as a pet?

Oysterbabe · 20/03/2016 15:39

I agree with Zigzag.
Why hasn't the dog been pts if it bites and kills things?

Original poster
Redhound · 20/03/2016 15:44

Glad it's not just me. I thought I was right, but a close friend has pooh poohed my concerns. The dog is a guard dog at his commercial premises, but I would have had it put down the first time it attacked, personally. It really has nothing going for it at all- (its a rescue)- unattractive to look at, mad eyes, moves like a pig and eats sh*t. He is just overally sentimental about the dogs.
Also my dog hates it and has to be muzzled too when it is here, so she spends the weekend being miserable and his liability dog is skulking round frightened of my dog so its all a headache :(
I am going to have to put my foot down but it seems harsh as he is desperate to move in.

OP posts:
Vintage45 · 20/03/2016 15:45

Another one saying of course you aren't being unreasonable.

He wants to move in with 3 huge dogs. He knows that at least one of these dogs would eat your livestock?

You say that your boyfriend is "generally" kind and considerate, I say he's only this when it suits him to be so.

Vintage45 · 20/03/2016 15:47

He's desparate to move in is he? Why? Are you "desperate" to allow him to?

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/03/2016 15:50

Also my dog hates it and has to be muzzled too when it is here, so she spends the weekend being miserable You know you can't make them live together. Sad Poor dog. YANBU.

NeedACleverNN · 20/03/2016 15:50

No yanbu.

I am the first to say that it annoys me when people scream pts when a dog bites as they do not fully know the full circumstances.

This dog does NOT have to pts....if the owner was responsible enough to keep it muzzled when needed.

He is being let down by your boyfriend and unfortunately, it could end badly.

CreepingDogFart · 20/03/2016 15:50

I don't think your description of the dog is very kind with regards to its appearance. It's not the dogs fault it's a rescue either. YANBU about him not moving in and YANBU to want it away from your premises but I think that if he loves the dog and you love him then describing it in that way is not nice.

OTheHugeManatee · 20/03/2016 15:51

YANBU at all.

Why is he so desperate to move in? Is he dreaming about having his meals cooked for him and no rent to pay? Well, he'll have to get rid of the dangerous dog first then Hmm

Original poster
Redhound · 20/03/2016 15:52

I've been with him nearly 2 years and he really is lovely, kind, hard working, helpful and thoughtful in every other way. He does though seem to find it hard to see things from other people's perspective.
I am happy with the current arrangement but would be equally happy with him moving in were it not for the horrible dog.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 20/03/2016 15:53

What reasons did your friend give for encouraging you to override any good sense to let an aggressive dog move in with you?

I can understand being sentimental about a pet who you maybe feel has been dealt a bed hand in life, but it's worrying that he's OK with exposing you/your pets/livestock to potential risk as well as what that could mean for his dog.

WeAllHaveWings · 20/03/2016 15:55

As you have livestock and another dog that it doesn't get on with it's really a no brainier. bf is welcome, dog is not. It's his decision to move in without the dog or don't move in. What happens to the dog if he does move in is his problem.

Vintage45 · 20/03/2016 15:55

He's got a mad dog and doesn't see things from other peoples point of view. Good luck with that then OP Grin

OnlyLovers · 20/03/2016 16:01

Well, I don't really get why you seem to say 'it's a rescue' as if that were a problem per se.

But going by its behaviour and history, YANBU; it's a no-brainer. I'd like to hear your boyfriend's rationale for why it's OK to let it go around unmuzzled.

littleleftie · 20/03/2016 16:02

YANBU - aside from anything else, it's not fair on your own dog. No way would I want a dog like that living with me.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 20/03/2016 16:03

A guard dog?
Surely any real actual trained Guard dog would be kept apart from a family setting/other dogs

he's a prick if he thinks a poorly socialised aggressive dog is a Guard Dog.

Is he hoping the second *generally unpleasant and irritating" dog will replace this one when he has to have it euthanised??

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 20/03/2016 16:04

Yanbu it is very slack of him to let the dog roam outdoors unmuzzled. Thankfully nothing occurred, no thanks to BF. Outnumbered and with at least one if not two rivals that are difficult I feel sorry for your dog if she's unsettled.

AgentZigzag · 20/03/2016 16:06

'I don't think your description of the dog is very kind with regards to its appearance'

The dog can't read what the OP's written Creeping! (can it OP??)

I thought it was a great description, I often call our DDog piglet because she does this kind of funny sideways run that makes her look like a piglet, she's never called me on it...I should stop if you maybe think she's inwardly seething and plotting to get her revenge by murdering us in our beds one day?

JolseBaby · 20/03/2016 16:08

Right. So you have livestock and visitors and a dog that doesn't like his dog, yet he can't see the problem? It either needs to be re-homed or PTS. If it's a serial biter then probably PTS is the fairest option for the dog. Unkind to keep it muzzled all the time but if he's selfish enough not to face up to the fact that he cannot expect to have it roaming loose where you have livestock and visitors, then what do you expect?

OnlyLovers · 20/03/2016 16:08

Agent, tbf that's quite different; you sound as though you love your dog and call her 'piglet' affectionately, whereas the OP (understandably) doesn't like this dog much.

ADishBestEatenCold · 20/03/2016 16:08

"Also my dog hates it and has to be muzzled too when it is here, so she spends the weekend being miserable and his liability dog is skulking round frightened of my dog"

So is your dog aggressive, too?