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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let my boyfriend move in because of his dog?

97 replies

Redhound · 20/03/2016 15:30

I like dogs and own one. Boyfriend has 3 large dogs. One is a sweetheart and pleasure to own. One is generally unpleasant and very irritating but not a danger. The third is a proven livestock killer and serial biter. I allow it at my house when he comes at weekends, but very reluctantly as I have the general public around and livestock too. I insist it is muzzled and watched at all times when outdoors. BF tries to comply with this but is very laid back about the dog so I am very anxious when the dog is here. Today, I found he had let it out without a muzzle as he couldn't find one. My livestock was out and someone turned up at the gate. I am really upset. AIBU to say that he cannot move in while the dog is still around? He is normally thoughtful and considerate but seems to have a blank spot about this liability of a dog :(

OP posts:

Original poster

Redhound · 20/03/2016 16:10

Vintage that made me laugh! Luckily his good points usually override this issue!
I know I was unkind about the dogs appearance etc but I was just being brutally honest. If it was loving and pleasant in other ways I could be more sympathetic towards it. Also my dog is a rescue and far from an angel I was not denegrating rescues in general but they tend to have more issues in my experience.
Tondelay he isnt training them as guard dogs as such this is just a secondaty function to them being pets. He isnt proud of her behaviour I hope- just sentimental.

OP posts:

Original poster

Redhound · 20/03/2016 16:11

ADish my dog is bad with other dogs, fine with livestock and hasnt bitten anyone. She is OK with his other two though, quite likes one of them. But hates the liability dog.

OP posts:

AngryPrincess · 20/03/2016 16:28

YANBU

Vintage45 · 20/03/2016 16:29

You seem like a nice person and don't want to seem harsh here but Im not sure why what Ive said would make you laugh OP? My first requisite when dating is that the person does see other peoples points of view. This to me is of fundamental importance.

OzzieFem · 20/03/2016 16:31

Sorry OP, if your boyfriend is desperate to move in and already lets his dangerous dog run around without a muzzle because he can't find one (who the hell took it off in the first place and put it down somewhere?), then when he does actually move in it will get worse. The dog will be left without a muzzle all the time.

Seriously, do you want to take the risk of finding dead and dying livestock with their entrails on the ground, or humans (and god forbid) children attacked? This is your property and you will be held responsible as well as the boyfriend.

Why should your dog have to be muzzled? Tell your boyfriend the dog is not allowed on your property. It would be kinder all round to have the animal put down. Dogs have a pack mentality and it would only take this dog attacking your livestock for the other dogs to join in.

AgentZigzag · 20/03/2016 16:35

It was probably the way you wrote it Vintage, almost as though you knew the good luck you were sending her would be like putting a sticking plaster on someone who's been decapitated

Vintage45 · 20/03/2016 16:41

I can only go on what's written

Bloke desparate to move in (why, where does he live then)
Bloke doesn't really care about other peoples feelings (selfish) and is probably great when it suits him
Bloke thinks it acceptable to take muzzle off a dangerous dog knowing full well (through no fault of its own) has the huge potential to kill OP's livestock

Don't get me started on the fact that OP's dog is frightened witless

What the hell is he going to bring to the table then?

Throwingshadeagain · 20/03/2016 16:44

I'm a city dweller and a dog hater so you will probably (quite rightly) dismiss my opinion! But why the HELL would anyone want to be with someone with a dangerous dog, who could attack your livestock and your own dog and who goes behind your back and let's the thing out without a muzzle? This would be a big red flag for me.

AgentZigzag · 20/03/2016 16:50

'What the hell is he going to bring to the table then?'

I'm not sure it'd be appropriate to speculate

Aussiemum78 · 20/03/2016 16:51

I've been bitten by a dog so I would be terrified yo live with a dog like that.

It sounds like you will be doing all the compromising if dp moves in op.

Vintage45 · 20/03/2016 16:52

Not a lot by the sounds of it except a mad dog and whole lot of grief

expatinscotland · 20/03/2016 16:53

This is a no-brainer. He cannot move in. His dangerous dog could kill someone.

Original poster

Redhound · 20/03/2016 16:58

Ozzie I totally agree, this is exactly what I worry constantly about when the dog is here.
Vintage, he is really nice in every other way I promise! But it does worry me as to why he thinks this situation is OK.
Its actually my dog trying to attack his horrible dog. I can understand why!
He has his own nice house (though not as nice as mine
He is generally considerate. Very good to me and does anything for me. Very useful to have around and ideal for me in every other way..
I had a go at him about the incident today and he was very apologetic and sheepish, he has immediately bought more muzzles. I said that I am extremely unhappy about the dog anyway and was was very upset about this lapse.
Throwing this really seems to be the only red flag. My previous bf was abusive whereas this one is the total opposite.

OP posts:

iminshock · 20/03/2016 16:58

He needs to get rid of that dog. I can't believe you are even asking the question

Original poster

Redhound · 20/03/2016 17:00

Oh the ray of hope is that the attack dog is quite old. So it should keel over within the next 2-3 years in theory..

OP posts:

Original poster

Redhound · 20/03/2016 17:00

Im very glad the answers are unanimous. I do sometimes doubt my own judgment but was pretty confident on this one!

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 20/03/2016 17:06

'I can't believe you are even asking the question'

Unwritten rule for posting AIBU threads, never ask whether you're being unreasonable unless you're 100% sure that you are.

Original poster

Redhound · 20/03/2016 17:08

Ha Agent! Its true...but it was just my friend that pooh poohed my concerns is someone I admire for her intelligence and always seek her advice hence my sliver of doubt..

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 20/03/2016 17:11

Argh, I meant '100% sure that you aren't ' which is why I don't post threads on AIBU

Vintage45 · 20/03/2016 17:13

Having read the rest of your posts OP then I'd leave things for a while and not move him in until the dog has died and that "niggle" about him has dispersed.

PestilentialCat · 20/03/2016 17:13

Why was the dog not put down after attacking livestock & biting people?

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 20/03/2016 17:29

"my dog is bad with other dogs"

This is the most compelling reason for not having his dog/s anywhere near your home. It's making your own dog stressed and miserable.

A guard dog, protecting his commercial premises, should not be let near anyone's home. Not even his own. Because it isn't a pet and possibly can never be one.

I'm sorry but this fellow sounds completely unreasonable and very possibly deluded. I don't think he's a responsible owner in any respect from what you have described. This makes him and his dogs dangerous to you, your own dog, your livestock and anyone else who has the misfortune to be around them.

Original poster

Redhound · 20/03/2016 17:30

I reckon thats the answer Vintage..
Pestilential its because he is sentimental about it I think

OP posts:

Vintage45 · 20/03/2016 17:37

You do sound lovely OP, you also sound like it's time to take stock and think about this relationship a bit more. Things bother us for a reason, women are gifted with gut instinct that really needs to be listened to more.

JolseBaby · 20/03/2016 17:37

Then he's being doubly selfish because he isn't putting the best interests of the dog first. It won't be happy being muzzled - it's not fair to the dog. The only person he is thinking about here is himself and the fact that he can't face doing the responsible thing, which is having the dog PTS.

I say this as a dog lover with two of my own. Pet ownership brings responsibilities; one of those is facing up to the difficult fact that sometimes you have to let them go, as much as you might not want to.

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