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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let my boyfriend move in because of his dog?

97 replies

Redhound · 20/03/2016 15:30

I like dogs and own one. Boyfriend has 3 large dogs. One is a sweetheart and pleasure to own. One is generally unpleasant and very irritating but not a danger. The third is a proven livestock killer and serial biter. I allow it at my house when he comes at weekends, but very reluctantly as I have the general public around and livestock too. I insist it is muzzled and watched at all times when outdoors. BF tries to comply with this but is very laid back about the dog so I am very anxious when the dog is here. Today, I found he had let it out without a muzzle as he couldn't find one. My livestock was out and someone turned up at the gate. I am really upset. AIBU to say that he cannot move in while the dog is still around? He is normally thoughtful and considerate but seems to have a blank spot about this liability of a dog :(

OP posts:

JolseBaby · 20/03/2016 17:39

BTW short term muzzling - fine. I have to muzzle one of mine for trips to the vet because she hates going and gets very defensive. But being muzzled for long periods is unfair. The alternative is keeping the dog separately - also unfair. Dogs are social and pack animals. How can he think the dog is happy in any of this?

PestilentialCat · 20/03/2016 17:40

Being sentimental about a dangerous dog is no reason to not have it put down - or were the police not involved? If they had been I expect the dog would have been "arrested"

Original poster

Redhound · 20/03/2016 17:47

I 100% agree with all of you saying this is unfair and that the dog should have been PTS.
It bothers me that he is acting this way.
The difficulty is that the rest of the relationship is good.
Pestilential there were no complaints made so police not involved. Unfortunately.

OP posts:

PestilentialCat · 20/03/2016 17:49

Vintage45 · 20/03/2016 17:53

Take a step back OP and view try to view the relationship with impartial eyes.

Vintage45 · 20/03/2016 17:53

view, try to.....

TheSinkingFeeling · 20/03/2016 17:56

Take the vicious fucker out and shoot it.

Vintage45 · 20/03/2016 18:02

Which one? the one that shows itself or the other one that wears sheeps clothing?

TheSinkingFeeling · 20/03/2016 18:03

I don't know. I've lost track.

TheSinkingFeeling · 20/03/2016 18:04

Although I loved the post where describing the dog in a bad way might upset it.

Original poster

Redhound · 20/03/2016 18:06

Thanks for the great advice. I feel much better now.
I find it so hard to be harsh with people I care about. I hate to upset him but then I must consider that he is upsetting me and endangering others.
I think he is deluding himself that it wont attack anyone at my house.
Its fine in his own yard; it would be best left there.
I would rather dump him then allow someone to get bitten.
The Sinking- I would have no moral problems shooting it in theory and would certainly get the 12 bore out if it was chasing my animals.

OP posts:

Original poster

Redhound · 20/03/2016 18:08

This thread is going a bit random {confused]

OP posts:

Vintage45 · 20/03/2016 18:08

at Sinking.

It might just be me (old cynical gimmer)

What Im reading is the bloke of 2 years doesn't really give a shit about the OP's feeling etc.

Desperate to move in and not take the OP's situation into account is bloody selfish and rude.

I'd call him smarmy, selfish and calculating.

Hope Im wrong.

Jux · 20/03/2016 18:15

I'm reading it the same way as you, Vintage. OP, check out the Freedom Programme; I reckon you'll be needing once he's moved in.

JessicaRuby · 20/03/2016 18:16

I was with you at first OP but also feeling uncomfortable about the way the dog has since been described and your hope it will 'keel over soon'. As its a rescue God knows what the poor soul has been through and to have someone wishing death on it is just

Your DP needs to either have the dog pts (I can understand why he would be reluctant to do so) or be a lot more vigilant about keeping it muzzled - which I know is your issue.

The livestock I don't think is as much of an issue in terms of the dogs behaviour as the biting. Some dogs do have a high prey drive. The biting is an issue and I wouldn't let him move in especially if it will upset your dog.

Original poster

Redhound · 20/03/2016 18:16

Oh God Vintage I know it sounds like that doesnt it?
But my radar is really twitchy after the abusive ex.
Smarmy and calculating definitely not.
Selfish I guess with this issue -but in other ways he always puts me first.
Sigh.

OP posts:

Original poster

Redhound · 20/03/2016 18:20

Jessica I would like the dog to keel over as I dont want it to bite anyone else. I dont see anything wrong with that, sorry. My BF has prioritised the dog and its issues over the trail of people it has bitten. I think this is wrong and people come first.
Also the description was accurate if unkind.
The dog was clearly trained to bite people by the original owner so I dont blame the dog for this.
I understand the prey drive and that dogs enjoy chasing- but it is a step too far to take livestock down and kill.

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 20/03/2016 18:23

……..as he is desperate to move in.

Frankly, this would worry me almost as much as the dogs! Unless you're being a bit hyperbolic in using the word 'desperate' you should beware of anyone (male or female) who is ignoring your very valid safety concerns in order to talk their way into your home.

To tell the truth, I wouldn't have either of his two 'questionable' dogs in my home at all. Dogs that are 'very irritating and a bit unpleasant' are not welcome, let alone a livestock killer. Where I live proven livestock killers are put down if it can be proven and farmers/ranchers are pretty inflexible about pushing for this. We had one dog who we voluntarily put down for killing a neighbour's sheep. Did this dog kill some of your bf's own livestock and that's why he wasn't put down?

AgentZigzag · 20/03/2016 18:27

You're not being harsh in the slightest to have weighed up the risks and found it not viable OP.

And it wouldn't be fair on anyone for you to go along with him just because he doesn't want to admit it to himself.

Even though you've only posted about him moving in, it's hard not to make the connection with a 'it's me or the dog' decision.

What effect (if any) do you think it would have if he said he couldn't be parted from the dog? It does say something for him though that he's reluctant to part with his pet regardless of it being a mad, swiveled eyed, shit eating fiend, at least you know you can rely on him to stick with you through thick and thin.

JessicaRuby · 20/03/2016 18:27

Red I do get that believe me. I have small pets and would be livid if a dog was left in a position where it was able to chase/kill them. It's just upsetting because as you say the dogs behaviour is because of its past and the way it's been treated/trained.

It sounds like the kindest thing to do for the dog would be to have it pts. But that's a lot easier said than done for the dogs owner.

Original poster

Redhound · 20/03/2016 18:29

Maybe keen would be a better word. He does seem to love me in every other way and want to be with me for genuine reasons. Though I can see the appeal to him of my house.
I live in a rural area so I too would have put down a livestock killer after the first attempt or found it an urban home if it was otherwise OK.
It was a family members livestock it killed :(

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 20/03/2016 18:32

He's hardly talking his way into the OP's home Across, they've been together 2 years, maybe he just loves her and wants to spend more time with her?

Plus, she's got a 12 bore

Original poster

Redhound · 20/03/2016 18:35

Oh agent I am crying with laughter at your post! The thing is, its so true!
I think he would be really sad if I refused to have the dog any more, he would try to persuade me otherwise but would agree to leave it at his yard if it preserved our relationship.
When we got together I remember he said his dogs came first above everyone and every thing and that was a big draw for me then!

OP posts:

Vintage45 · 20/03/2016 18:40

So two years is bundles of time then Agent? really? How strange that you would think so. How strange that you would think the the OP stating previous DV wouldn't ring a bell in this situation.

I'd not even think about this man moving in.

This may not sound major to you OP at the moment but it bloody is! He has a rabid dog that could eat your livestock and doesn't care? You yourself say that he doesn't take anyone elses concerns into consideration. BIG Major RED FLAG.

Vintage45 · 20/03/2016 18:43

Again the OP is crying with laugher. OP you will not be crying with laugher in another two year when he's got his feet under the table.

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