To not let my boyfriend move in because of his dog?

[Redhound]

I like dogs and own one. Boyfriend has 3 large dogs. One is a sweetheart and pleasure to own. One is generally unpleasant and very irritating but not a danger. The third is a proven livestock killer and serial biter. I allow it at my house when he comes at weekends, but very reluctantly as I have the general public around and livestock too. I insist it is muzzled and watched at all times when outdoors. BF tries to comply with this but is very laid back about the dog so I am very anxious when the dog is here. Today, I found he had let it out without a muzzle as he couldn't find one. My livestock was out and someone turned up at the gate. I am really upset. AIBU to say that he cannot move in while the dog is still around? He is normally thoughtful and considerate but seems to have a blank spot about this liability of a dog :(

Agent, I'll see OP's 12 bore and raise her an AR-15. After all, I'm in the US and we all have them (not).

Even if I'd been seeing someone for 15 years, if they ignored or 'pooh-poohed' my concerns or if they were cavalier about my house rules (i.e. the muzzle) then I'd say they were trying to get me to ignore my own feelings in order to move into my home. Call it what you will, it's not a sign that bodes well.

Thank you for your concern Vintage. This is really worrying me as I thought I had found someone the complete opposite of the abusive ex. In every other way it seems to be so.
I think he just has a blank spot about the dog and his love for it blinds him to reason.
But it is an interesting viewpoint and I will ponder it carefully.
It is more that he struggles to see another persons viewpoint rather than doesnt care?
Not making excuses just trying to explain it...
I am someone who is extremely happy on their own and is really content in their own company so its not as though I am with him just to be with a man, its because he is usually great.
Another sigh.

Oh vintage I am taking it seriously its just the way you guys are phrasing things!

Across I know you are right. I am too concerned about other peoples feelings above my own which is why I stayed with the abusive ex for so long.
So it is connected.
He was nervous when he found out about the (legal) guns by the way

I feel sorry for this dog. It sounds like it's being let down by the people in its life

Having said that YANBU to not want the dog there. It's not fair on your own dog.

However you choose to deal with it OP, is up to you. I laugh a lot, I tend to like silly humour more than sarcastic one up-manship these days. Ive also learned the hard way not to laugh about major concerns.

Only you can know what is going on.

I'd fuck him and his dog right off until he gets it

How many people has this dog already bitten?

Let alone the live stock.

It would be totally unfair on your dog to move this other dog into their home.

Thanks Vintage you have really helped :)

Definitely unanimous then.
Except everyone else is feeling sorry for the dog while I am awaiting its demise

Yanbu! Be strong. The dog sounds horrible. I wouldn't even let it visit.

2 years is plenty of time to suss someone out Across.

I get your point about the OP's judgement potentially being skewed because of previous DV, although that could equally work the other way in that she's well versed in all things red flagged shaped and knows she doesn't have to put up with any shit behaviour.

The other thing I'd keep an eye out for OP is that if he does decide to get rid, that he ends up (even subconsciously) holding you responsible for it.

Ultimately this has to be something he decides, and is responsible for, himself.

I love dogs but I've met dogs I didn't like/am irritated by. Still think it's a bit sick to actively want a dog to die. It's a living being! And a product of its upbringing

Yadnbu however your dogs seem to think this is a recipe for disaster I'd be listening to them if I were you

What is it that they know and you don't ?

Agent that is exactly why I have not asked him to have it PTS or to get rid. It has to be his decision.
I am sure he won't though. Partly as he is stubborn, but mainly because he really loves his dogs.
Though I have told him it would have been put down years ago had it been mine.
Its going to have to be a compromise of him not moving in 'till the dog is a gonner.

Jessica surely its better for the dog to die than another person to get bitten?

paddle yes its remarkable how much my dog hates this one.
Though I have to keep her away from other dogs in general or she does go in, to be fair.

i think its the way the evil dog moves she hates

I don't feel sorry for the dog at all.

Good!

I'm not disputing it's better for the dog, for its own sake to be pts. I can't imagine taking pleasure in ending a life though, no matter if it's 'just a dog' 😕

I am sure I would be sad too but MUCH more relieved.
I am quite a hard hearted farmer though and am used to killing chickens, foxes and rats etc

I'm not feeling sorry for the dog at all I'm a cat person