To think my children would be better raised by me

[kidscomefirstendof]

AIBU to think my children will be better off being raised by me, without a load of boyfriends, stepdads, and so on?

I feel it will be more stable for them to have one adult than someone who they don't even know living in their space?

You're right - it was too simplistic - what I was trying to say was that if you have chosen your lifestyle, whether that be married, single, dating or not dating, etc, you are more likely to be content with that, whereas if you feel you have little or no choice, you are more likely to be unhappy and potentially bitter about it.

Of course they do arpege

Guess lesbians shouldn't have children then real?

It does come down to if you are happy to be single or not, if you are unhappy about not having a sexual/romantic partner, but feel you can't have one because you have DCs, you're more likely to be miserable/bitter long term. It also is quite a burden to put on your DCs if they realise, that their mother is miserable because she has been trying to do 'the best' for them. Be careful they don't end up feeling responsible for your happiness or lack thereof.

If you really are happy to be single, then it doesn't really matter if it would be fine for your DCs to be raised with a step-parent or not, that's not something you'll have to decide about.

I'm a single parent. DD was 1 when I split from her dad. I have Bly had one (short) relationship since And DD is 20. This wasn't a decision, just the way things panned out. I'm happy with it, even though DD is now away at University. I don't think it would be worse for her if I had had one or more serious relationships though - or that flings she isn't know about would have affected her at all.
I am a bit about posters suggesting I'm damaging her by not having a partner though! Way to demonise single parents whatever choice they make...

Way to demonise single parents whatever choice they make...

yes, I would agree with that.

My sons dad is a dick. The LAST thing I want his ds growing up thinking that is acceptable as a man.i don't parade anyone, nobody has lived here and tbh, I struggle to see how that would work, but maybe cos I'm not at that stage in a relationship.

My son needs to see what is and isn't acceptable in relationships.

You think you owe it to your dc to martyr yourself in your dc honour? That's just idiotic. You owe it to them to show them how to survive in life, how to navigate it and how to be as rounded as poss. Relationships are the area people most struggle in, giving your dc tools to be an adult are what matters most.

Agreed about the demonisation of single mothers. Again.

Single male parents are all heroes for blowing a kids nose.

Single motherS lambasted for having snotty nosed kids.

All that's missing is "I couldn't be a single parent" or "I could never, ever, EVER do online dating" and a theatric shudder and I'm calling Bingo.

Not only do I feel it's my responsibility to show my son how to be a man in a relationship, I also feel i owe it to myself to try to find a decent relationship for myself. I'm buggered if the last man in my life for a significant period of time will be a vile abusive wanker

I also don't want my son to think he can't be all he wants to be, wherever that takes him (I lived abroad as a young adult) if he feels he needs to be there for me. If I have a man in my life somehow it does take the pressure off ds.

My job is to give him the best possible chance for success, maximising his options, not limiting them

Nice to see as well as getting it "wrong" for being divorced, I'm now still getting it "wrong" by being single!

Damned if you do and damned if you don't.....

So where is the 3mm of middle ground between being a dried up old hag not modelling good relationships for my kids, and a slack knickered slut not modelling good relationships for my kids?

Does it exist?

Love how focusing on your children, home, career and friendships is martyring yourself, as no life is fulfilled without a penis.

hope your children are too then.

My point is that you have chosen for him to be a part of your life; your children did not choose that.

I don't think she really has one

Children don't choose lots of things.

They're children, they don't get to be in charge.

Yes, so it's our job to make choices in their best interests, which I don't personally feel 'boyfriends' are, hence I choose not to go down that route myself and don't feel my children will suffer for it!

No, you apparently think your 'boyfriends' modelling adult partnered relationships make you better than me, though.

But OP don't you see that you can do whatever you want? Why are you justifying it?

You do what you think is best for you. Others do what is best for them.

The end.

Arpege, because people will not accept you are single, you will be happy just being a normal mum, and that's that, look at the comments on here about making a martyr of myself, about modelling adult relationships, about having nothing and no one in my old age.

I don't make a massive thing of it, but I'm constantly having comments about it and I am fed up.