To think my children would be better raised by me

[kidscomefirstendof]

AIBU to think my children will be better off being raised by me, without a load of boyfriends, stepdads, and so on?

I feel it will be more stable for them to have one adult than someone who they don't even know living in their space?

I'm not even going to try to understand that comment.

Get new friends.

I'm in the same position and have never felt judged.

It's not all friends :)

You were the one who was oh so smug about modelling healthy relationships.

Newsflash, there are many ways to do this!

Nice.

Me smug? When?

Not you.

Oh right

Seriously though being a LP is tiring as fuck. I can't face having to have an opinion on whether LPs should date or not.

I really just want to go to bed alone

I get what you mean insofar as some people are seemingly incapable of being alone and will date all manner of temporary, unsuitable people who they introduce to their children. That is of course going to be disruptive to the children.

But as the child of a divorced parents I can honestly say that my step dad being a part of my life and upbringing has been a positive thing. He's great. All my parents are.

I don't think splitting with the co parent of your child means you should be alone forever.

Arpege, it's not easy I know. Mindful of what someone said up the thread, it is easy to be too 'black and white' but that goes for both sides.

I don't think there's anything wrong in - your kids dad isn't on the picture and a couple of years pass and you start a new job and get on well with one of your colleagues and slowly he becomes part of your life. That's lovely.

But the other version which seems to be more common is split with children's father and two days later join a dating site.

Yes, I probably do sound judgemental and horrible but then it is what I feel and I feel I should have the courage to voice those convictions, I think that's a bit tacky and not fair on the children. That's not modelling healthy relationships, that's desperation.

So some people think I'm in the wrong for not modelling adult relationships. I would disagree and say I do, but what else am I modelling? That it's possible for a woman on her own to thrive and manage and enjoy life? That's not wrong.

I also do think some people think purely of themselves and their happiness. I know a couple where a sixteen year old girl is sharing a room with her ten year old brother because of moving in together: can't be very nice for anybody but they've done it and never mind the children.

Anyway, that's my view. I'm not saying it's wrong, always, I am saying - it's not always right :)

FWIW I think you're right, I just think you aren't explaining yourself very well (patronising much?)

A single parent having unhealthy relationships (the adjectives you used I think were desperate, rushed etc) of course is not good for the children. Everyone agrees with that.

But you're taking a very judgemental next step, which from your latest posts you actually don't even think - that every relationship post divorce is selfish and bad for the kids. That's obviously ridiculous, which you yourself acknowledge.

So your kernel is right, but your extrapolation is silly. And I think it is only there to generate a bunfight. Which you have successfully done.

There are conflicts of interest constantly in parenting.

For example:-

8 months ago ds (then aged 2.2) was waking 2 - 3 times a night and breastfeeding. In the last 8 months I have slowly night weaned him. He is now (very very occasionally) sleeping through. I genuinely believed that night weaning him and trying to get him sleeping through was right for him. He needed more sleep.

But he was (very very) happy with waking up and getting his slave mummy to come and provide the all you can eat 24 hour buffet.

And there is a pretty obvious conflict of interests in that I am no longer walking round like a zombie. I am much happier with things as they are now. Truthfully - I did it for me - not for him.

Nothing wrong with that Mumof

Arpege it's an area I think should be approached with more caution and care than it is, I'll put it that way.

But there you go again with the silly generalisations OP.

Yes, it should be approached with care and caution. But don't imply that all or most single parents don't approach it with care and caution.

I do. Other single parents I know do. I don't know anyone who doesn't. So stop with the generalisations because it sounds like you are on your high horse and it just gets up people's noses.

More care and caution than I took in choosing the father of my kids evidently

Arpege, a lot don't. A lot decide dating and their sex life is more important than their children, and it's sad.

It is not generalising to say 'some parents are selfish and put their needs and wants before that of their children.'

But who are these people?

I don't know any.