Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

DD is calling social services on me in the morning

458 replies

moodymelting · 18/03/2016 23:19

DD is 13 and has turned Kevin and Perry overnight.
She has turned into a nightmare.
When ever she is told off she resorts to telling me to 'go away and leave her alone and name calling or covering her ears shouting la la la Angry. She will NEVER admit she is in the wrong or apologise. She will do nothing at all to help in the house.

She spilt sweets she had bought all over my bedroom floor along with cut up tights and cardboard she had been messing with. I asked her twice to move it and she refused resorting to her go away and leave me alone tactic. When I did not back down she has gone mad! She walked into the kitchen and tipped my rubbish bin all out on the floor saying she was not picking it up and I could.

Apparently I want a perfect child because she's never done anything wrong, I am selfish, mean, she hates me. I'm a rubbish Mum and she would be better off with a different Mum than me who is a tight mess because I have refused to go tomorrow to pick up something for her when she's behaved like this.
Oh and she barricaded the room door shut with a chair so I couldn't go to bed.

I have told her that if she likes I will dial the number myself and I am sure they will rush right over to a child behaving like a total brat in-between dealing with the neglected kids who have no clothing/food or being abused Blush

How on earth do you deal with the teen strops????!!!
N/C btw as everyone on my Facebook will know my user name otherwise!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 19/03/2016 18:16

How old are your DC fourage?

antiqueroadhoe · 19/03/2016 18:17

No - not different places - I am asking a question and you are saying you would be shocked but not what you would actually do.

fourage · 19/03/2016 18:23

agent is that important?

fourage · 19/03/2016 18:26

antique - but it is contextual.

I wouldn't be angry, No, because this would be so out of character, relationship and behavioural history that I would be concerned.

curren · 19/03/2016 18:28

You aren't answering questions at all.

You are asking them, people (including me) have answers and you haven't acknowledged at all.

Of course the age of your children matters though I suspect you will say they are older.

My dbro always says he was an amazing parent and always got it right, until he had kids. Which is true. He always had an opinion on what I should be doing. He hasn't learnt from it though as he thinks having a three year old gives him the knowledge and experience to 'know' how to parent teenagers. As a parent of an almost teen I can tell you, he hasn't got a clue.

curren · 19/03/2016 18:31

I wouldn't be angry, No, because this would be so out of character, relationship and behavioural history that I would be concerned.

Have you read the thread. This sort of behaviour isn't unusual.

Are you saying you would leave the rubbish on the floor, clean it up yourself until the issue with what was bothering your dd was resolved?

Because that could take months or years.

Regardless of what's going on, that's not ok behaviour. The Ops dd has proved she can control herself. The OP threatened to tell her Sensei, if she showed violence again. She hasn't done it since. She has control.

When you lose control there are consequences. Even if stems from anxiety or MH issues.

fourage · 19/03/2016 18:31

curren I have a 15 year old, 18 year old and two 20 year olds. Not sure if that qualifies me to have an opinion or not.

curren · 19/03/2016 18:34

No one said you any have an opinion. But it's a forum. That opinion will be challenged.

fourage · 19/03/2016 18:41

I welcome the challenge.

Equally I challenge the idea that tennagers are horrible or that children need punished.

antiqueroadhoe · 19/03/2016 18:42

Ok so imagine your 15 year old emptied out the kitchen bin and shouted at you to clear it up. You feel worried and concerned and it's out of character and hasn't happened before etc etc.

What would you actually DO?

fourage · 19/03/2016 18:47

At 15 an individual is almost mature.

I don't mean to duck out of your question but what would you do if your sister or OH did the same thing? What would you do in these circumstances?

I would talk, I would express surprise and be very surprised, but as I have said it is contextual.

AgentZigzag · 19/03/2016 18:50

'I have a 15 year old, 18 year old and two 20 year olds'

Wow, you got them to those ages without raising your voice or punishing them, ever?

That's amazing, I'm seriously impressed.

Sistedtwister · 19/03/2016 18:52

Fourage, I have to ask. Have your older kids got jobs yet? I ask because I am sure I sit across from young adults who have been parented your way on probably a monthly basis.

They've never been told no.
They have never faced consequences for poor behaviour.
They are incredibly able when justifying why they have acted the way they have. I can't help feeling they have been fed the reasons time and time again. (Oh you did that..... well let's discuss it make up an excuse rather than accept that you're just been a stroppy spoilt brat )

Thing is I'm the one that has to tell them that sorry, there are consequences when you do not do what you are supposed to or do something that you're not supposed to. Consequences which are designed to correct behaviour. And one day if you do not learn this, those consequences just might remove the roof from over your head, never mind your bedroom door.

clam · 19/03/2016 18:52

Total cop-out, fourage.

fourage · 19/03/2016 18:54

"They've never been told no.
They have never faced consequences for poor behaviour. "

HUGE assumptions.

fourage · 19/03/2016 18:56

"I sit across from young adults who have been parented your way on probably a monthly basis.
"

Then you are not suited to your position.

Sistedtwister · 19/03/2016 18:56

Being Blush

clam · 19/03/2016 18:57

Then you are not suited to your position.

Hmm Eh?

fourage · 19/03/2016 18:58

zigzag, no, never punished.

Often awarded at school for exemplary behaviour.
The oldest twins are both in medical school, 18 yo is about to start uni, youngest still at school.

ILeaveTheRoomForTwoMinutes · 19/03/2016 18:58

Are you bloke fourage? You seem to come across as sort of mansplaining but without the real explanation.

Who would tidy it up the bin? How would you address your DD? What exactly would you say to her?

They are quite simple questions, and if you want us all to understand you and learn some new parenting technique, we sort of need to know how and what to say.

MorrisZapp · 19/03/2016 18:58

I used to work with a young woman who was habitually late in the morning. When the boss pulled her up on it she said

'But it's Claire's fault, she won't give me my alarm clock back'.

I still laugh about it years later.

Sistedtwister · 19/03/2016 18:59

I have to you won't tell us what you would do Grin

* Then you are not suited to your position.*

Speaking of assumptions

fourage · 19/03/2016 19:00

"Who would tidy it up the bin? How would you address your DD? What exactly would you say to her? "

That would be different to the OP/ And I am not in the OPs position.

ILeaveTheRoomForTwoMinutes · 19/03/2016 19:04

It's a hyperthetical(SP?) Question

You are capable of understanding what one is I presume

antiqueroadhoe · 19/03/2016 19:12

I don't mean to duck out of your question

  • good.

Ok so you said you would talk.

Apart from the discussion, what would you do about the bin? The OP's child is 13, so a little bit younger than yours. Imagine your child a couple of years ago. The bin thing happened. Apart from the discussion about feelings, what would you do about the bin?

And, specifically, would there be any "consequence" - you stated that it was a huge assumption that someone suggested there would be none. So what would that be?