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Original poster

DD is calling social services on me in the morning

458 replies

moodymelting · 18/03/2016 23:19

DD is 13 and has turned Kevin and Perry overnight.
She has turned into a nightmare.
When ever she is told off she resorts to telling me to 'go away and leave her alone and name calling or covering her ears shouting la la la Angry. She will NEVER admit she is in the wrong or apologise. She will do nothing at all to help in the house.

She spilt sweets she had bought all over my bedroom floor along with cut up tights and cardboard she had been messing with. I asked her twice to move it and she refused resorting to her go away and leave me alone tactic. When I did not back down she has gone mad! She walked into the kitchen and tipped my rubbish bin all out on the floor saying she was not picking it up and I could.

Apparently I want a perfect child because she's never done anything wrong, I am selfish, mean, she hates me. I'm a rubbish Mum and she would be better off with a different Mum than me who is a tight mess because I have refused to go tomorrow to pick up something for her when she's behaved like this.
Oh and she barricaded the room door shut with a chair so I couldn't go to bed.

I have told her that if she likes I will dial the number myself and I am sure they will rush right over to a child behaving like a total brat in-between dealing with the neglected kids who have no clothing/food or being abused Blush

How on earth do you deal with the teen strops????!!!
N/C btw as everyone on my Facebook will know my user name otherwise!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 19/03/2016 16:23

I'm shocked by how many people think it's an acceptable punishment to remove a teenager's door

It's the perfect punishment for a door slammer.

fourage · 19/03/2016 16:47

soupdragon do you punish many people in your life? or just kids?

"Control issues"? "pushing the boundaries"? I don't see things like this.

As children grow they need to learn to take the reigns for themselves. At a slow pace, they won't always get things right, and as they grow emotionally there are cognitive challenges for them too.

I don't see why this process needs to be full of angst though. Sure hormones may rage, and teenagers do make mistakes but I don't see why this should turn into a power war, unless a very disciplinarian approach to parenting has been in place up to such a point. As was the case when I was a teenager.

Keeping life light, emphasising the positive, not sweating small stuff, recognising when our kids are helpful, kind, thoughtful, positive, go the extra mile, showing our love. Discussing problems without us parents using harsh words or losing our temper, accepting that as they grow we will have differences as people and we must show respect in order to be respected.

Punishing a teenager- or any child is not in my book. I don't punish dogs nor my elderly mother who often gets things wrong too.

AgentZigzag · 19/03/2016 17:07

It's great to hear you've this parenting lark all in hand fourage, treating everyone around you in a calm, dignified and measured manner.

My eldest DD has had to go to school with DC who have never heard the word no, and never been punished for anything in their life, no matter how badly they've behaved, and I can tell you they're a fucking nightmare for other people to deal with.

Plenty of MN threads show the arrogance and entitled behaviour such ineffective parenting breeds in a adults too.

Although I'm sure your DC aren't like that...actually, do you have children?

antiqueroadhoe · 19/03/2016 17:12

So fourage, if your child emptied out the whole kitchen bin on the floor and shouted at you to clear it up, what "lighthearted" and "positive" joke would you tell?

fourage · 19/03/2016 17:15

Lax parenting benefits no- one. I have high standards of behaviour for my children.
You seem to be confusing some issues here zigzag.

Because I don't punish or shout does not mean my children rule the roost.

curren · 19/03/2016 17:31

Unfortunately on RL there are consequences for doing the wrong thing. Sometimes it can't be helped or you don't mean for it to be the wrong. Maybe you thought it was right at the time.

However there are consequences. We don't call them punishments in our house there are consequences.

I am legally responsible for dd. She is 12. I have to be able to trust her. If she breaks that trust she is grounded. Why? because if I can't trust her to come back or let me know where she is, or lie about where she is then it's my responsibility. It's The consequence of her breaking my trust .

fourage · 19/03/2016 17:31

antiqueroadhoe

If your husband emptied out the whole kitchen bin on the floor and shouted at you to clear it up, what would you do?

antiqueroadhoe · 19/03/2016 17:33

No you need to explain what you would do if your 13 year old emptied the bin - it's parenting that we are asking about here

fourage · 19/03/2016 17:40

No antiquerode- it's about relationships.

Pity you can't see that.

MorrisZapp · 19/03/2016 17:42

Fourage you are hilarious.

fourage · 19/03/2016 17:42

Glad I made you smile zappy.

AgentZigzag · 19/03/2016 17:44

'If your husband emptied out the whole kitchen bin on the floor and shouted at you to clear it up, what would you do?'

I don't think it's me who's confusing issues here, children aren't treated in the same way as adults in the UK.

Why would you want to treat your DH in the same way as you would your children? For one thing he'd be emptying out the bin and expecting you to clear it up for totally different reasons than a child would have.

Apples/pears.

curren · 19/03/2016 17:44

If my husband emptied the bin all over the floor, refused to pick it up, locked me out of my bedroom and threaten me with violence.....I would divorce him.

That's not a realistic option with children. I can't impose consequences onto dh, the only one I can is that I wouldn't be with him anymore.

curren · 19/03/2016 17:45

Besides which o am not raising dh. I am not financially supporting him or legally responsible.

I am not morally responsible to try and help him be a decent adult

AgentZigzag · 19/03/2016 17:52

'No antiquerode- it's about relationships.'

With insights like that you need to write a book fourage.

Then we can all learn at the feet of a master while discussing the respect we have for each other and how kittens are soo cute when they meow.

RomComPhooey · 19/03/2016 17:56

It's the perfect punishment for a door slammer.

Docking pocket money from our 8 year old every time he storms out of the room and slams a door behind him "so that Mum and Dad can start saving up for the inevitable repairs that will be needed" seems to have reduced it by about 90% in our household, though I am sensing that teens are a lot, lot harder to tame.

I seriously think I'm going to be excellent sport for my boys when they hit their teens. I am already working on my poker face and under-reacting in readiness.

antiqueroadhoe · 19/03/2016 17:56

Well I think if DH emptied out a kitchen bin and shouted at me to clear it all up I would pack my bags and leave him. But that's not something that OP can do.

You still haven't stated what you would do if your 13 year old did the same. I think we know it's "relationships" - we are asking how you would respond. Can you do that?

fourage · 19/03/2016 17:56

I don't agree zigzag. What are these "totally different reasons"? Anger? Disrespect? Do tell.

Children deserve no less respect. They are human too.

Perhaps there needs to be some thought as to what led up to this event.

fourage · 19/03/2016 18:00

zigzag
"With insights like that you need to write a book fourage.

Then we can all learn at the feet of a master while discussing the respect we have for each other and how kittens are soo cute when they meow."

Do you employ the same aggressive attitudes in parenting ?

ghostyslovesheep · 19/03/2016 18:01

what would YOU do Fourage if your DH did that? Out of interest - blame yourself ?

OP in the real world teens can be hormonal drama lamas but that doesn't mean you have to put up with it x

antiqueroadhoe · 19/03/2016 18:01

You don't actually answer questions, do you fourage.

amarmai · 19/03/2016 18:05

doors are removable by levering out the pins that hold the hinges together. Handles can be removed with a screw driver. Access can be gained thru windows. So id you don't want to let her come out when she gets bored- which is probably best- then you can probably gain access. For the future, a lock wd be a good idea.

fourage · 19/03/2016 18:07

antique

"You still haven't stated what you would do if your 13 year old did the same. I think we know it's "relationships" - we are asking how you would respond. Can you do that?"

You miss the point. If we are so far down the line with a relationship with our 13 year old child then this ceases to be a one off event. It's possibly the culmination of months and years of difficulties.
It's to do with context.
So asking me what I would do if my 13 year emptied the bin on the floor is not relevant.
FWIW I would be concerned, it would be so out of context that I would be very alarmed. I would guess she must be very angry, upset, the same as if my OH did the same thing.

AgentZigzag · 19/03/2016 18:09

I'm surprised with your obvious knowledge in the area fourage, that you can't understand how an adult deliberately emptying out a bin and demanding another adult clear it up would come from a different and more sinister place than a child doing the same to their parent.

Both demands would involve power but could never be put in the same category.

Grin at my sarky aggression, something I hope to gift to my own daughters.

fourage · 19/03/2016 18:10

ghostyslovesheep- of course I wouldn't blame myself. What a strange suggestion.

antique I am answering questions as best I can, I just think we are coming from very different places.