Mother's have it tough

[Zenab1]

Hello mothers, so I had an incident which left me humiliated and angry today. I went to Chatham House, a policy institution in central london to attend a talk that was happening there. When I get to the conference hall, I was told that I was not allowed to get in with my buggy in which my baby girl was peaceful sleeping. Their main excuse was, it's gonna block the way in case people need to evacuate for emergency. I said but this information is not communicated anywhere on your website and I even called to double check and the person I spoke to said you are mother friendly. Anyway, they insisted that I leave the building because they won't let me in. I got so emotional and told them that was unfair as I came from a long way and the whole thing seemed to me some kind of discrimination. They escorted me out and told me that I should complain if I like to by sending an email. I felt so humiliated and degraded. Do you think this was right ladies, it happening in this day and age and in one of the worlds developed countries, that a mum should be mistreated like this for simple being mum?

But you just take them outside.....

If you come with a baby you take the risk that you might have to leave to calm them and maybe miss some of whats been said.
You sit at the end of the isle, or somewhere else you can get out quickly.
Other people only hear the baby for a second. No more disruptive than someone coughing.
Some babies might be a bit more high needs and cry a lot but Im guessing if your baby is like that- the idea wouldnt appeal anyway.

Maybe I've been lucky but this thread is just weirding me out. Honestly: my babies have been to conferences, lectures, training days (hell I've even delivered training with them there), the House of Commons. I took a volunteer job during my maternity leave and brought a baby with me for every shift.

People are either neutral towards the baby or welcome their presence. I've never had an unpleasant comment and I've only been refused entry to one thing. I think OP was treated badly and I cant believe the number of people who seem to think she was asking for it by being there at all.

unlimited i don't think she was asking for it, i would have let her in, just suggested she would need to step out to calm the baby if she/he cried. But sadly not all venues take such a view.

It's a security and foreign policy think tank. People who work in these areas (academics, people who work in defence consultancies orvin other think tanks, journalists, etc) can become members and take part in their talks and conferences. It's a bit like a private members club for foreign and security policy wonks. Some of their events are open to the public (but not the one the OP is talking about).

oh thanks for that fatherreboola

I realise you dont Katarzyna79 I can see your supportive comments upthread. Its the thread overall thats getting to me.

Well they sound like they were rude to you but not everyone likes children and the world doesn't revolve around yours.
Wheelchair is not the same as a buggy, you choose to have children the person in the wheelchair didn't.

Yabu

It's not about not including mothers. It's about not allowing pushchairs.

Nowhere is the op or posts afterwards, does the OP give any information to suggest she was turned away for being a mother.

Mother friendly doesn't mean anything. So what did she ring and ask?

I absolutely do think that babies should be able to attend these things with their parents. As long as the parents leave if the baby is making it difficult for everyone else to hear. Which I would expect of anybody.

If PP is right, and it was a members event and then OP did attend, I can't believe she wouldn't mention this in the OP, that she was a member.

There is clearly more to this.

I had a look on the events page too, it says there was an event on security in Somalia that anyone could apply for a ticket for. Maybe the OP went to that?

Still no mention of paying for the ticket, though.

LovelyBranches - what a ridiculous statement. There is no sacrifice in dedicating a part of your life to your child. It's a woman's decision. There is, though, such thing as adult space. A lecture, in my opinion is an adult space.
If I'm with my child, she is my primary focus and she is 6 already and can even sit calmly for few hours as long as she has something to entertain her, a book, a tablet or crayons. But I certainly wouldn't drag her somewhere where I want to dedicate my focus to something else. That means work, lectures and meetings etc. That's me-time. Also, there are ways of catching up with adult topics outside attending lectures or talks if I can't go there personally. There are lots of TED talks etc. on the internet.
There are simply places where children don't belong and their presence isn't justifiable by pulling the women's empowerement card unless they live in countries where there is really no other option to find childcare because women are considered lesser beings which should sit at home, breed, clean and cook. We have the luxury of being able to enjoy some time for ourselves.

There are simply places where children don't belong

If this is your attitude then I'm sure your children's behaviour follows suit and you can't take them to certain places. However my mum and dad brought me up to understand different behaviours for different occasions from a very young age and therefore I was able to go most places with them and have a varied and interesting childhood that wasn't limited to soft play areas.

Each to their own but just because your child wouldn't be able to attend or enjoy a talk with their mum doesn't mean their should be a blanket ban on children in certain spaces

My mother's heels are very tough from flip flops. When she goes to the Mothers' Meeting all the other mothers laugh at her.

Shit I hope that's right or I am mincemeat. (Vegan and fair trade obvs) 😃

Event organisers are not obliged to make their events child friendly or buggy friendly.

If you want to take your baby to an adult event (and especially if you want to bring a buggy in) you need to check first that they can accommodate you.

Apologies to the OP - I only saw the members-only event that day. OP: If you asked whether you could bring a baby and they said yes, then turned you away, you should complain. But if the issue was just about bringing the buggy in, they were right - space is tight in the meeting room when an event is popular.

I doubt the OP would have paid anything for the event, for people mentioning that - events of this type are normally free.

If this is your attitude then I'm sure your children's behaviour follows suit and you can't take them to certain places.

Yes, I love passive aggressiveness too. I take my child places where I know she'll enjoy it and I will enjoy spending the time with her too. I wouldn't be taking her to a serious lecture or a movie which she can't understand yet, because I would be wasting her time and wouldn't be able to enjoy it fully as my focus would have to split between the topic discussed and her. Just like she doesn't expect me to enjoy Alvin and the Chipmunks I don't expect her to enjoy being at a lecture about politics which she can't fully comprehend yet (which doesn't mean that we don't discuss politics and other serious topics with her, just on her level).
To me, the best present for your children is to allow them spend their time with activities they enjoy and where they don't feel like they have to sit quiet and be afraid of the next "shush". Children need to run around, shout and play in their free time and not be forced to sit quiet in the corner because their mother decided that she should have the right to bring them everywhere she wants to fulfill her wants and needs. That doesn't mean that they are not taught to sit quiet and calm when in a restaurant/GP surgery etc. It shouldn't constitute majority of their time though just because their mother feels like she's missing out on self-realization.
Somehow, that me and myself attitude sounds fake.

Minipie, she did check.

There are simply places where children don't belong

I absolutely don't accept this. And I think we need to be clear that this also means that there are places that mothers on mat leave don't belong, because not everyone has alternative childcare options. I think a shift in attitude is needed and I'm depressed that many on this thread don't see that.

As for the buggy question, this comes up constantly and again I'm depressed by the Mumsnet consensus. Slings are not always a viable option for people (due to back problems/strength issues) and like it or not the predominate means of transporting babies in this culture is via buggy/pram.

No reason why our society couldn't become a bit more buggy friendly. We're fighting an ongoing battle with disability access and I think we should be ambitious in terms of improving access for all.

Martina and co, I don't think hauling my baby round Sainsbury's is necessarily something he enjoys, a good bonding activity or a great use of his time. Ditto him watching me clean my house.

Why's that so different to going to a lecture?

Yet, society has no issues whatsoever with me doing the former. It positively encourages it.

"And I think we need to be clear that this also means that there are places that mothers on mat leave don't belong, " YY. And depressingly this carries on for years and years, not just when you are on maternity leave.

Women's career (and social and intellectual life in general) suffer so much when they have children, and many posts on here just reflects the general negative attitude towards women with children. It's very depressing.

You baby doesn't enjoy watching you slaving around the house?

NeverEver, he is a bit fascinated by the dishwasher. Apart from that, no

Mine used to be terrified of the hoover when they were little. That suited me fine. I'm sure they would have enjoyed a good political lecture but it never occurred to me. I have taken one of them to work once and they sat in my lecture and fell asleep.

Yes, this is a men's world, even though it's a "First World". It's a men's world because they don't define themselves through their ability to breed. It's a men's world because they don't run around whingeing about being fathers, that being fathers stops them from developing their careers and attending talks, lectures and meetings. They don't want to bring their children everywhere and don't say they children should have the right to go everywhere with their parents because they are capable of seeing themselves as adult persons with adult interests. Maybe because they don't feel like they need to fulfill the gender cliches like some women who believe that they are so good at multitasking that they can do 30 things at once and pay equal attention to all of them.
When I was exclusively breastfeeding, I knew that my me time will be extremely limited as I had a very hungry baby on my hands who only wanted her Mum and nobody else would do. It wasn't a sacrifice, it was time in my life I decided to dedicate to my daughter. Six years later I can safely say that I didn't miss out on anything life-shatteringly important just because my child came first. It was simply different time with different priorities. And when I later on wanted to have some adult and me time, I made sure there was a childcare arrangement in place.

Hang on a second - it's a men's world because they don't have to "breed",
having children don't stop them from developing their careers, they don't want bring their children everywhere etc.

Who do you think pick up the slack?

MartinaJ. You are talking about the lecture hall being an inappropriate place for a child. The OP is talking about the lecture hall being an appropriate place for a sleeping baby. Two very different things. There are some places which are probably inappropriate for children and babies, I wouldn't take mine clubbing for example, but a lecture hall whilst they are sleeping sounds like a thoroughly pleasant way to spend my time.

I am capable of looking after my child and listening to an interesting debate.

Also, I'm not sure if it was the Op posting earlier under a different name, but someone mentioned Tha their buggy folds down to laptop size. Is this really that difficult to accommodate? My toddler and I still take up less room on the train than some of the men who sit there with their legs wide open.

Martina, I don't really understand where all this extra childcare comes from if both mothers and fathers get to live their lives as you suggest above.

I don't think mothers' problems pursuing other interests comes from their belief in their ability to multi-task - rather in the practical problem that there is no other childcare available. Many Mums have literally no other options. Or vastly expensive ones.