Mother's have it tough

[Zenab1]

Hello mothers, so I had an incident which left me humiliated and angry today. I went to Chatham House, a policy institution in central london to attend a talk that was happening there. When I get to the conference hall, I was told that I was not allowed to get in with my buggy in which my baby girl was peaceful sleeping. Their main excuse was, it's gonna block the way in case people need to evacuate for emergency. I said but this information is not communicated anywhere on your website and I even called to double check and the person I spoke to said you are mother friendly. Anyway, they insisted that I leave the building because they won't let me in. I got so emotional and told them that was unfair as I came from a long way and the whole thing seemed to me some kind of discrimination. They escorted me out and told me that I should complain if I like to by sending an email. I felt so humiliated and degraded. Do you think this was right ladies, it happening in this day and age and in one of the worlds developed countries, that a mum should be mistreated like this for simple being mum?

The OP has said it's not about the buggy, they had argued that she should have contacted then 2 weeks ago but it was only advertises 4 days ago and the OP got her ticket and phoned to check it was ok.

The OP has said it wasn't a h&s issue.

From the OP Their main excuse was, it's gonna block the way in case people need to evacuate for emergency.

The venue clearly thought it was a H&S issue.

Yes and then she clarifies

Zenab1

It was nothing to do with the buggy being H&S issue or the conference hall not being able to accommodate it because she kept saying you should have emailed us two weeks ago to let us know. How would I when the event was publicized only four days ago and I got my ticket a day before. I think they were just being difficult for no good reason

and where does that mean it's not a buggy issue?

The OP is saying it's not a buggy issue but that's not what they said.

She feels it wasn't about the buggy but there is nothing to show that's not the case

And if she really thinks it's not about the buggy, why is she comparing a push chair to a wheelchair if she truly believes she was turned away for having a baby?

Having looked at the Chatham House events page, I'm even more surprised by all this. The only event held yesterday (on Libya) was members only. That means the OP must be a member of Chatham House to have booked a place at the event. Personally, if I were forking out a minimum of £150 for membership in a year when I'd need to take my baby to events, I'd triple check what the the policy was on buggies before I paid up. You don't member that you're a member in your first post OP - what did they say when you told them that you are?

That doesn't clarify anything.

I think the lady was perfectly clear about it being a H&S issue at first but OP was having none of it.

It makes no sense, what would the venue have to gain by excluding mothers for no reason? Nothing.

curren so they would have let her in without the buggy? I think id just want a refund and id leave sounds like so much bother I get stressed easy lol

Please go ahead and "live your life as normally as you can" - but remember that for you "normal" now means having a baby and all that goes with it.

What a horrible thread.

I hope this is a reality check for you in that having a child doesn't mean the whole world needs to revolve around or accommodate you

I don't love babies by any means (I love my own!) but carers shouldn't be prohibited from public events solely because they are with a baby.

There is a lot of meanness here directed at someone who tried to maintain an intellectual life once a parent and made the big effort of going into London with her baby to attend AFTER phoning to check it would be okay only to find out it wasn't. I'd be majorly fucking pissed off.

As I would at a lot of the narrow minded posters here

I've just checked the Chatham House events page - there are lectures listed up until October. Is it possible that it WAS publicised well in advance, but the OP just didn't find out about it until four days ago? In that case "You should have called two weeks in advance" makes sense.

Also, when she asked if she could bring a baby, did she mention the buggy?

If it was just a pram/buggy issue then why not say baby can be carried in?

auntjane I'm a mother too life doesn't end coz you have kids. You seem to be implying she should suck it up and expect a crap life coz she has a baby? I wish I was like her, ive lost the energy easier to stay indoors. But if she has the energy to pack her child up and go out and about to events good on her. She did nothing wrong as far as we know she did call up before going.

unless the website says she needs to call 2 weeks in advance theres no reason why she should based on a suggestion by someone here who are we anyway the bloody Chatham house police?

I agree cornishdoll lot of nasty intolerant comments. The worst thing OP did was get emotional, lets not misconstrue emotional for violence, too many assumptions being made about OP.

auntjane dunno but maybe the staff should have asked if she has a buggy because babies usually come with buggies dummies and nappies?, common sense goes both ways not just OP's responsibility.

Katarzyna I'm not saying she should just suck it up. I am, however, saying that she cannot expect to behave exactly as she did without the baby. Sorry,

Aunt Jane, surely this post is more about expecting others, companies and service providers, to treat you equally because you are a mother.

aunt you don't need to apologise to me!
I agree though regarding taking wee ones to serious talks, i don't think its the place for them. her baby may have been asleep but what if the baby woke up and started moaning or crying then she'd be forced to walk outside

"she cannot expect to behave exactly as she did without the baby. Sorry"

When I had a baby I stopped going to all night raves. I stopped going to demonstrations that might turn violent. I stopped over commiting my time to emotionally draining work that didnt allow me to be fully present to my loved ones. I dont behave "exactly as I did without a baby"
I have never and will not give up bloody conferences.

Its a safe, indoor space with nothing that could hurt a baby. And, provided ypur sensible, very little the baby can do to inconvienience others. You be a martyr if you want to.

And mums are adults who need to be adult spaces from time to time

You see, you are arguing against yourself there, OP.
That's what so many of us are saying. The lecture room is an adult space and not somewhere to take babies.

I would actually say a thread like this is exactly why MN is so popular - it allows everybody to express their honest opinion, rather than all patting the OP on the head and saying 'there, there, poor diddums' - now that would put me right off. A full debate and hearing other people's opinions is what keeps me returning to MN on a far too regular basis. I love a bit of people watching and find it fascinating to see people's thoughts and opinions on 1001 different subjects, often opening my eyes to things I've never come across in RL.

"what if the baby woke up and started moaning or crying then she'd be forced to walk outside"

Heaven forbid!

You phoned, they said OK. YANBU and they are horrible.

But all they said OK to seems to have been a question about whether they were mother friendly. She doesn't say that she asked if it would be OK to take a child in a buggy into the lecture hall.

I also strongly disagree that the staff should have gone into detailed inquiries about whether she would be bringing a buggy in "because babies usually come with buggies dummies and nappies". There is absolutely no reason why telephonist staff should be experts on babies, nor indeed why they should assume that a mother coming to a lecture would expect to be able to take a buggy into the lecture hall. They were at least equally entitled to assume that no mother would expect that and that the baby would be in a sling or carried by the mother.

unlimited it's a valid point i have young kids I'm not plucking this out from no where.

i used to go to spiritual talks they allowed kids, because they didn't want to prevent mothers attending. course the men would allow it they sat in a separate room and the women in a separate one with the children. I used to leave my baby with my husband to attend, because i wanted to hear the talk and relax. Other mums had some kids with them some primary age and some with little babies. babies did cry and theyd have to exit the talk, well the considerate ones would. Some would just sit there with the crying, i don't think that's fair especially to those that have travelled far to be there? The mothers looked stressed too i doubt they heard a word of the talk.

Then we had other kids sitting quietly colouring or drawing but they were older so they could take instructions, babies don't understand that.

if it was a more casul gathering it wouldn't matter, but serious talks where people want to hear the speaker it is an issue.

The Chatham House event yesterday was members only. You cannot register for a members' only event if you are not a member (I know, I've tried in the past). So one of two things must have happened:

1. The OP has paid between 150 and 300 pounds to be a member for the year but when she paid all this cash she didn't check their policy on bringing buggies into the hall and didn't think it was relevant to mention it in her OP.

1. The OP isn't a member and was refused entry not because Chatham House are baby-hating bastards but because it's a members-only event.

I'm intrigued by Chatham house now what do they do?, is it like a current affairs programme?..Question time sort of thing?