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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really upset with my brother re: ds?

291 replies

VicWillia · 16/03/2016 18:58

I'm genuinely interested to see if people think I'm right to be angry or if it's my ds who is a little wotsit who needs better discipline.

Ds is 5. He can be pretty cheeky as I guess a lot of 5 yo boys are. He is quite naughty with saying sorry - if he upsets someone it usually takes quite a while on the naughty step before he'll apologize. He's pretty stubborn.

Tonight, we were visiting my dm and my brother was there too. Ds was being cheeky and told my brother he was "fatty". For some reason my brother took massive offence (he isn't fat so he can't have taken it personally) and grabbed ds hands, saying he wouldn't let go until ds said sorry. Ds was trying to squirm away and wouldn't apologize. My brother wouldn't let him go so ds started playfully biting at my brothers fingers to get him to let go (it was definitely playfully, ds is not the sort of child to hurt others) and my brother slapped him across the face.

Ds was obviously very upset and had a red mark on his face. AIBU to be completely livid and feeling like I never want to see my brother again? Or should I have stepped in and made my ds apologize?

OP posts:

pengymum · 16/03/2016 21:26

Is it just me or has this been posted before? It sounds very familiar!

AwfulBeryl · 16/03/2016 21:30

at some of the comments on here.

Op, you're not over reacting by stopping contact with your brother. He assaulted your son, he is an adult and should have know better.
Your ds was cheeky, and at the age of 5 he isnt going to be perfectly well behaved all the time.

If a woman called her DH fatty and he responded the way your brother did, I wonder if so many posters would have responded to her thread in the same way.
I hope ds is ok, and I agree with the pp who said that there will be another time to teach him about rude comments, and to focus more on how wrong your brother was.

LagunaBubbles · 16/03/2016 21:32

Pengymum I posted that this sounds very familiar to and wondered if it was the same OP.

pinkcan · 16/03/2016 21:34

Your brother is clearly not a nice person and obviously he was wrong to slap your ds round the face. There is no justification for his actions. However, your ds's actions were poor. I think 5yos should know that fatty is not ok, neither is refusing to say sorry when asked by a (previously!) trusted adult. Biting someone who is telling you off is also not ok.

As a wider lesson, which your ds is currently too young to learn, the world has many people in it who are "not nice" just like your brother. it is worth not antagonising such people. I know that might be taken as victim blaming, but it isn't. It is simply learning skills to deal with volatile people. I know because I grew up with one! You cannot avoid all volatile people, you need the skills imo.

waterrat · 16/03/2016 21:37

This thread has some absolutely appalling people on it who are saying a 5 year old child is incredibly rude for being what seems to me standard cheeky kids behaviour.

In the context of the slap it is ABSOLUTELY irrelevant what a cheeky young child said. It's vile that he trapped his hands and shows he is a violent aggressive man.

The people on here focusing on the cholds behaviour are apologists for abuse it is disgusting.

Poor poor kid.

waterrat · 16/03/2016 21:39

I really can't see what is worth focusing on with the 5 year olds behaviour. My 4 year old calls people poo poo and bum face etc including aunts and uncles. He also often refuses to say sorry...

Who are these mystical children who never misbehave. ..

TheSnowFairy · 16/03/2016 21:52

waterrat your post is disgusting and offensive and has been reported.

MsJamieFraser · 16/03/2016 21:52

So your brother forcefully restrained your ds, to the point the only way out with pretending to bite him and an adult grown man assaulted your son by slapping him forcefully on his face?

YABU, for the simple fact you haven't called the police, yes your mother may be ill, but a grown pathetic excuse for a man thinks it's OK to assault children, because he got called "fat"

Original poster

VicWillia · 16/03/2016 21:59

Thank you again for the supportive comments. It means a lot and I will be protecting ds from my brother in the future.

He will not be allowed to hurt my ds like he did me as a child.

OP posts:

SaggingTits · 16/03/2016 21:59

at the "well, your ds was naughty" comments. So child abuse is okay if the child is a cheeky? .

No OP, you aren't being unreasonable. At all.

AwfulBeryl · 16/03/2016 22:00

how is waterrats post offensive ?

Chocolatteaddict1 · 16/03/2016 22:01

Yes I agree waterrat I work with young children and they can say very silly things. There is a lot worse that could be said than 'fatty' and it certainly didn't merit a slapped face.

TheSnowFairy · 16/03/2016 22:03

awful 'apologists for abuse' to those saying OP should discipline the child.

grannytomine · 16/03/2016 22:07

I don't know why waterrat was accused of being offensive and disgusting. Far more disgusting to excuse a grown man assaulting a child by victim blaming.

AwfulBeryl · 16/03/2016 22:07

Actually I agree with her, some of the posts do read like that. I find it very odd that some people have focused on the discpline of a child who has been slapped round the face for saying fatty.

Or maybe it's just a chance for them to stick the boot it, because it's Aibu, and they've got nothing better to do.

tiddlyipom · 16/03/2016 22:08

Does your brother have children of his own, or access to other children, other nephews or neices, children of a partner, maybe?
I would be concerned for any children who are around him with a temper like that.
He has previous history of violence towards you,it is likely he'll be violent again. I would be reporting this assault on your son to the police.

AwfulBeryl · 16/03/2016 22:09

Exactly granny, what a peculiar place AIBU is.

Trollicking · 16/03/2016 22:10

Hitting a child hard enough to leave a red mark is really bad. I could almost understand a tap on the cheek especially as your son was biting but a hard slap is out of order.

I imagine your brother thinks your son was trying to bite him and wouldn't agree that it was playful. However he shouldn't have slapped him.

As a completely separate issue I think you should treat you sons biting as serious and not playful.

grannytomine · 16/03/2016 22:11

AwfulBeryl, I know sometimes its like a parallel universe.

SalemSaberhagen · 16/03/2016 22:12

Bloody hell snowfairy, talk about a massive overreaction.

I agree pengymum.

grannytomine · 16/03/2016 22:14

Trollicking, maybe its just me but if someone was holding my hands so tight that I couldn't move away I would be doing what I could to get free. He was probably hurting the child if he was holding him that tight and he shouldn't be putting his hands on someone else's child in the first place.

Trollicking · 16/03/2016 22:16

Granny err, how is your comment relevant to my post?

AwfulBeryl · 16/03/2016 22:17

Yes, the chances are he felt completely out of his depth and didn't know how to deal with it, the play biting really isn't the issue here.

TheSnowFairy · 16/03/2016 22:20

You all need to RTFT.

No-one is victim blaming.

grannytomine · 16/03/2016 22:21

Trollicking, re his biting. I am alot older than 5 but if someone was trapping me like that I might bite them. The adult was wrong in more than one way.

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