To be really upset with my brother re: ds?

[VicWillia]

I'm genuinely interested to see if people think I'm right to be angry or if it's my ds who is a little wotsit who needs better discipline.

Ds is 5. He can be pretty cheeky as I guess a lot of 5 yo boys are. He is quite naughty with saying sorry - if he upsets someone it usually takes quite a while on the naughty step before he'll apologize. He's pretty stubborn.

Tonight, we were visiting my dm and my brother was there too. Ds was being cheeky and told my brother he was "fatty". For some reason my brother took massive offence (he isn't fat so he can't have taken it personally) and grabbed ds hands, saying he wouldn't let go until ds said sorry. Ds was trying to squirm away and wouldn't apologize. My brother wouldn't let him go so ds started playfully biting at my brothers fingers to get him to let go (it was definitely playfully, ds is not the sort of child to hurt others) and my brother slapped him across the face.

Ds was obviously very upset and had a red mark on his face. AIBU to be completely livid and feeling like I never want to see my brother again? Or should I have stepped in and made my ds apologize?

Victim blaming isn't just saying "it was your own fault" you know. It is using, or criticising, the victims behaviour to explain or justify a wrongful act against them. So anyone saying, oh but he was a cheeky so-and-so who really needs better discipline is victim blaming.

People also jumped in to blame the OP for not intervening earlier, or for the 5yr old being undisciplined - even though OP said it all happened too quickly - which is also shifting the blame for her brother's violence onto the OP . Which is not on. How many abusive men have blamed the women they hit "you wound me up" and "look what you made me do" and so on.

The only person whose behaviour needs analysis is the brother who can't keep his fists to himself.

This has just reminded me of the time my 4 year old nephew called my dh "baldy" very loudly in a restaurant. As I recall we all stifled a laugh and then his mum did a stern face and reminded him that name calling is not polite. Nobody felt the need to slap him or tell his mum that he was "undisciplined". He was a cheeky boy learning the ropes of behavioural expectations.

Your child sounds like a brat but your brother stepped way out of line.

And it's not normal for children to call people fatty or any other mean name. Se rude children May say it, but plenty know what's nice and what's not.

Sitting on my hands Capricorn

🙈

Tempted

Does anyone else appreciate the irony and crashing lack of self awareness from someone posting on a thread, calling a child they don't know a brat, while affecting an air of moral superiority?

I'm not sure if appreciate is the right word, but hopefully you know what I mean.

It's alright to call the brother a twat(which he is btw), but not ok to say the child behaved like a brat? Ok....

He's 5 FFS.

Victim blaming is saying a person is wholly or partly responsible for the harm that befell them.Nobody here is doing that.They are saying the boy's behaviour was poor, but they are not using it to justify the slap.

Tbh though, the child wasn't badly behaved.
Name calling adults and biting is not bad behaviour??? bet your kids are popular at school, if that is what you think is acceptable behaviour!!

I coach approximately 300 (age 5+) children a week and have never been bitten or called names by any of them, and if they did they would not be coming again.Some of you must have feral children if you think this is normal 5 yo behaviour!!

Yes it's absolutely fine to call a grown man who violently assaults a child a twat. In fact I'd say thats a lot less than he deserves.

For the wilfully disingenuous and/or literal minded, I'd like to be clear that I'm not advocating an assault. I do think, however, he deserves to be reported to the police and be charged with an offence.

Frankly, he should consider himself lucky that isn't happening.

Name calling adults and biting is not bad behaviour??? bet your kids are popular at school, if that is what you think is acceptable behaviour!!

So what is an acceptable way to fend off a violent adult who won't let you go? Asking nicely?

the uncle was not violent at that point he was restraining his nephew waiting for an apology

The boy could have , you know, apologised for his rudeness?

the husband was not violent at that point he was restraining his wife waiting for an apology

acceptable?

Forcible restraint of a small child is violence.

Your brother is wrong for slapping him. Was it a proper full on slap? If so I would have lost it there and then.

With that said you should have stepped in the second your child started name calling and he should apologise when picked up in his behaviour

your bro is very very wrong here.

I think may is being a little goady tonight. This is the second thread where she/he is trying to get folk to take the bait

After reading your update about your brothers violence, you shouldn't have your child around someone you are afraid of yourself. It's horrible when that person is family but as you said yourself your brother is not a good person. From this you have also seen your mum will stick up for your brother over your child keep that in mind also

I told my mum I don't want him around ds or me anymore, but she says I'm overreacting

It really isn't anything at all to do with your mother though is it OP? I am wondering whether there is more to this in terms of family dynamics as you also mention that your DB hurt you as a child. Did your mother defend/support you? Is he (DB) some kind of golden child?

I agree you need to keep DS away from him.

You have accepted that DS needs former boundaries but please don't "speak to his teacher about this" unless it has been raised as an issue by the school. It's your responsibility, not the teachers.

Yes, I saw the other thread too, Chocolate. Perhaps she's been at the cooking sherry.