Aibu to ask how do you know you didn't want anymore children?

[2016ismyyear]

We've been trying for 18mths for a final addition to our family. It has taken 2 years for DP to agree to try.

Last week I suddenly got a sense of feeling like I had made peace with the fact we are unlikely to have any more and started to imagine life without anymore children.

I saw a friends newborn baby today. Often a classic trigger for broodiness. Nothing!

How did you know you were done with having anymore children?

We always wanted 3 and when DS3 was finally born (after a horrible sicky pregnancy) I felt an overwhelming sense of completeness. And of deep gratitude at finally having the familiy we'd dreamed of (we had fertility issues between DC1 and DC2 and for a good few years didn't think we'd ever manage a second child let alone a third) and of huge relief (after the horrible pregnancy) that I need never be pregnant again.

I'll be honest, there is a part of me that will always feel envious and wistful at the sight of a gorgeous tiny newborn baby. I loved the baby stage with all three, it was the stage of motherhood where I felt most serene and confident and uncomplicatedly happy. But gorgeous tiny newborns have a horrible habit of growing up into toddlers, and another toddler would kill me!

After DC1 I knew I wanted another, and same after DC2. At one point I worried that I would never stop wanting another and DH said this to me too. We had DC3. My head was saying 'no more' but I still wanted just one more. So we had DC4.

And for me that was like flicking a switch. After 2 boys and 2 girls I suddenly felt my family was complete and to have any more would upset the 'balance'. In addition, DS2 was diagnosed with ASD when DC4 was a baby and DS1 was having problems at school.
I like the comment earlier on in the thread about "when life with your DCs becomes a struggle, rather than an enjoyment". I think that played a big part for me in 'flicking the off switch'.

Best advice ever.
"when life with your DCs becomes a struggle, rather than an enjoyment".

Thank you everyone. Time to move forward to new chapter.

"when life with your DCs becomes a struggle, rather than an enjoyment"

Ideally we'd all stop before that point (if the thing causing the trouble was having too many children).

DS1's pregnancy was so easy, the birth was empowering, breastfeeding came naturally and he was a really easy baby. DS2 came right on his heels so they're 18 months apart and it was hard work but they had each other to entertain and it also made big milestones like toilet training easier because the youngest would watch and catch on straight away. They both were pretty easy babies and slept through at a year, so we thought when DS2 about 2 we'd try for a girl... Which actually happened and holy shit we are so absolutely done having kids after this one. We (secretly of course) say that if she was our first, she would be the last. She's 3 in June and this kid has been exhausting, I'd say worse than having 2 under 2 when the boys were little. Her pregnancy was really painful, the birth was so fast that it was traumatic for me, breastfeeding was really hard and painful because of the mastitis, clogged ducts, engorgement, she had a lot of latch problems so it took a long time to heal from the nipple sores, she didn't sleep through the night until about 3 months ago, she was a really fussy baby that while I loved wearing babies in slings and the like, she was in hers all the time because she would never let me put her down. She's now in a very bossy and temper-tantrum stage that even though she's sleeping through the night is just as exhausting as getting no sleep. I always said that I loved babies and toddlers until this one came along.

Needless to say. We are DUNZO. No more. I don't want to go through all that again. And like other posters have said, we are finally getting into the stage where we can go places as a family and enjoy it together. I have younger siblings so we can just enjoy baby nieces and nephews when they come along.

I'd have loved more but after having laparoscopy last year and being diagnosed with endometriosis I'm having surgery next month which means absolutely no more children.

It's sad but I'm incredibly fortunate to have had two easy pregnancies and no problems conceiving given the endo. If I'd waited til my mid thirties to begin a family it might not have been so easy.

Besides, the two boys we do have can be utter bellends. DH was overheard shouting "that's it, I'm fetching Mummy" at bedtime last night. Another one would probably kill him off. He's aged several decades since the non-sleeping devil's own child DS2 was born. Another like that would finish me off also.

Also, my sister has ten DC (she's like someone from a documentary about wild animals, little tiny savage folk running about in various states of undress) and I often visit and think "god alive I wouldn't cope with that" and come home to the peace and quiet of just two tiny savages and am reminded that large families look like hard, hard work.

Our first-born was a daughter. Two years later our second child was a son. The minute he was out, I knew immediately I was "done" at age 34. I had my (hoped for) one of each and I knew that was it. Kids are teenagers now, but life is straightforward for us as a "we four" in terms of logistics, finances etc. We are a happy "square" family!

I didn't want any children then accidentally fell pregnant with DS now 8.

I knew the minute I went into full labour. A 4th degree tear, 4 operations in 2years due to the traumatic birth, then double prolapse repair and perineum rebuild last year proved it was the right decision, physically and mentally.

I loved being pregnant and the first couple of months but found it really difficult he had awful reflux and from 8 weeks to about 22 he screamed for hours and barely slept, then it got better and now the toddler years have it and I am finding it really difficult so honestly don't want to go through it again. Love my ds to pieces but don't think I am a natural calm mum. Also financially it is a struggle as I've had to go back to work and cm fees are crippling us. Also my dp has two older dc from previous relationship and doesn't want anymore. So the decision is kind made really but I do find it a relief. It's also easier to say my dp doesn't want anymore than saying I didn't really enjoy it or want anymore as people just chuckle and say "oh you say that now just wait"

I had three dc that were amazing sleepers then along came dc4!

I know I'm done. I've had 18 months of sleepless nights and I think we may have cracked the sleeping thing but Im still done. I'm excited to get rid of the bottles and all the other baby stuff. I'm actually giving it away rather than putting it in the loft.

I've had the coil fitted and had a dream I was pregnant the other night, I woke up panicking, the relief I felt when I realised it was a dream made me know that I'm 100% over pregnancy and babies!

Dh and I said 3 children when we met. We had Dd who was a dream baby. Felt we wanted a sibling for her and fell pregnant with ds. Dd grew devil horns. Ds was hellish until he was 3 and a half.

Never felt the need for a 3rd after those 2. Now 16 and 13 and no danger of another one.

I was unbelievably broody, I could think of nothing else but getting pregnant. I built up my career for three years and it really wasn't like me to feel like that, so we had dd, now nearly 5 months old.

I'll have another as I think two will be my limit, but this teething malarkey is just dreadful!

I had dd1, it was a very difficult labour and birth which took a while to get over. It took me three years to even think about having another child and i was sure that I did want to have another one. Took another three years to have dd2 and as soon as she was born I just had this feeling of, right that's it I'm done.

I did originally want to have 4 children, dh not so much he's happy with 2. I do sometimes wonder how life would have been with a third or fourth but not so much that I want to actually have any more.

My heart would love another. My head tells me it would be a horrific idea. I'm short of patience and constantly tired already, our house & car are perfect for the size of family that we have but to add another would cause all sorts of issues.
I hope the yearning goes away tbh as I'm not even 30 yet and I know it just isn't right for the life that we want. Still makes me sad though.

I'm not sure you really know for sure until time has passed.

I have two beautiful communicative funny teenagers, one boy and one girl. When the second was small I used to yearn after having a third but DH definitely didn't want anymore and I soon got over that.

An ex-colleague brought her 1 year old DD into work the other day. The baby is very cute, but she was opening and closing low cupboards and getting into everywhere. I remembered what that stage is like; having to watch them all the time is exhausting. My DD was a climber too, she climbed everything in sight so you had to be one step ahead.

We got a kitten 2 years ago. He was one of a litter of seven and was very small and scarily thin when he arrived. He activated my broody chip and I mothered him and worried about him and generally treated him as if he was a baby. He WAS our baby !

I had DS2 at 34 and a miscarriage about 18 months later. For medical reasons we were advised not to try again. I stayed 'broody' until I was about 39 and then began to realize how much freedom we had without a baby/toddler. No nappies, no packing everything up. We could throw the kids in the carseats and just go. They were both old enough to amuse themselves, I wasn't having to run about like a mad thing trying to keep a child out of 'danger'. Got my tubes tied about 6 months later and have never regretted it.

During my last pregnancy I spent time thinking about how quickly I get my body back, I'd never even thought that before, had always given myself heart, body and soul to the pregnancy.

DH is going through the appointment process to have a vasectomy and it doesn't make me sad, makes me think about all the carefree sex we can have!

I'm working at capacity with my 4 and a pt job. The thought of another one would feel retrograde and I like to look forward me.

I just felt 'done' after number 5. Also knew I was at my limit financially and emotionally. I am 38 now but don't think I will change my mind.

I would love a 3rd. I wouldn't love going back to baby stages again, as mine are just getting independent and can play for hours, sleep better, no nappies etc. We also have a house that fits us, any more would be a squeeze and a compromise. Our family feels right now, we did half heartedly try for a few months last yr and each period that came was a definite mixture of relief and disappointment.

DH and I planned it - two children, that was it. When DD2 was born we both took time to think about whether we might want a third - we both felt that no, we didn't. We discussed what would happen if one of the DDs died and agreed that they were irreplaceable and that we would grieve, get whatever support we needed and move on. So DH got the snip.

We have never regretted it.

I hankered for more children constantly, and after 7 pregnancies in total, we had our third child. It was like someone flicking a switch inside me. No more! The devastating PPD and PPA didn't help either.

When the midwife stitching me up said "and that's stitch number 17 done" with a look of horror on her face.

I don't feel done tbh. We have 2, they are both at school and I feel a bit lost. But I have a long term health condition that makes me exhausted, we have a 3 bedroom house and it would be an issue due to the age gaps/moving them around and I don't really want to go through the expense and hassle of converting the loft even though it is big enough. Our car wouldn't take 3 children. I have little patience and constantly feel guilty for shouting at them. They argue and bicker. DS goes through stages of bad attitude and DD is being incredibly whiney over nothing. When they are both like this it makes me think 'no fucking way am I doing this again. Baby and toddler years were ok tbh, few minor things and I did have pnd twice but i general it was easier to a degree than ir is now. DD was a dream toddler and baby and its such a shame that since she has started school, she has changed so much andnis extremely wilful and whiney at times. Sometimes I think a 3rd may defuse them a bit. But when they are lovely they are lovely but I find its not often enough and I feel bad that I'm not enjoying them as much as I should. I love and adore them but I find being a constant referee and dealing with strops, tantrums and whining so fucking frustrating.

But I don't feel I can say 'no more' and I can't bring myself to get rid of the baby stuff.

sup how long did that take? I was stitched in theatre due to a 3rd degree tear and I'm sure they were stitching for well over half and hour. I was never told how many stitches they did but I am curious to know.