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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to ask how do you know you didn't want anymore children?

170 replies

2016ismyyear · 15/03/2016 22:35

We've been trying for 18mths for a final addition to our family. It has taken 2 years for DP to agree to try.

Last week I suddenly got a sense of feeling like I had made peace with the fact we are unlikely to have any more and started to imagine life without anymore children.

I saw a friends newborn baby today. Often a classic trigger for broodiness. Nothing!

How did you know you were done with having anymore children?

OP posts:

Nofuss · 16/03/2016 06:42

That ship has definitely sailed in this house - though DH would love another. I break out in a sweat at the thoughts of being pregnant again, and this is after 6 years of actively trying for a baby. 4 DCs later and we are busy enough - I couldn't even contemplate expecting a baby again as I don't do pregnancy well. Also, DC4s arrival was fast and furious (we didn't quite make it to the hospital 😁) so I would be afraid from a birth point if view also...

onecurrantbun1 · 16/03/2016 06:46

I have 3 DDs - 4, 2 and a newborn. I adore children and don't know how I'll feel if we don't have any more. We could afford it, although I strongly feel that each child should be able to have their own room from being 7 or 8, so that would be a factor as we have a 4 bed house at the moment. I haven't thrown out any maternity clothes and the newborn clothes are being kept. I want to not want another for practical reasons but it hasn't happened yet. I'm only 27 and most of our friends haven't got D.C. yet, so if we call it a day now I'll have all my friends' pregnancies to get through - the hroodiness won't be easy!

DownUnderBound · 16/03/2016 06:48

I nagged and nagged dh for a third for a very long time, genuinely believing it was what I wanted. He wasn't interested. One day I sat down and had a proper 'head vs heart' talk with myself. My head won! I know it would not be in our best interests to have another, just coming out the other side of baby age, things are getting easier. Never been a practical thinker, but realised our life could be exciting if we stayed as we are, we have beguntalking about our holidays and experiences we want to do with the dc, also can start to imagine things we can do together as a couple as the dc grow. To.be honest I felt relief that I had finally made a decision and sold all baby stuff straight away, just keeping a few keepsake items. Will always feel a tinge of sadness to not do it again, but to be honest I would probably feel that after my 'last' baby no matter how many we had, it feels like the end of an era, iyswim? I have enough to love and keep me busy! .....sit down with yourself and have that debate

Muskateersmummy · 16/03/2016 06:54

We struggled to Concieve, so having dd is 1 more than we ever thought we would have. So with that and a horrendous pregnancy. We knew we were complete as soon as she arrived.

Purplebluebird · 16/03/2016 06:59

My pregnancy was awful (severely depressed, despite child being wanted), and I found the beginning too hard to want to do again. 2 Years in and I still feel like I never want to do it again. I have an illness that means the hormones during and after pregnancy is highly likely to cause depression or psychosis, and I will not risk putting my partner and ds through that (not to mention myself). It was an easy decision for me.

honkinghaddock · 16/03/2016 07:00

We need ivf to conceive and made the decision early on that once we had a baby, we wouldn't have anymore fresh cycles. When we got to that point it felt like the right decision although even now I would still be happy if by a miracle we managed to conceive naturally.

Gowgirl · 16/03/2016 07:00

I knew when I was booked in for a c section with no 3 (extended breech) and I asked the surgeon to sterilise me. Three DC are enough for anyone.

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 16/03/2016 07:01

I sort of want a third, and I love having newborns, but toddlers are hard work. DC2 has just turned 2 and a part of me feels really relieved that he's not a baby any more, and that we can have what are approaching actual conversations. I think it's the frustration with communication that I find hardest. Tiny babies are easy - they generally just want boobs. And once they have the language skills it gets a bit easier but than in between stage is so frustrating.

There's also 4 years between my 2. I quite like that age gap, but the thought of having to start all over again is currently over riding my need for a third child.

Xmasbaby11 · 16/03/2016 07:01

I had a feeling of completeness as soon as dd 2 was born. I feel relief as I get rid of baby items. I have nightmares in which I'm pregnant and wake up so scared. I never really considered more than 2dc. We find them hard work and we were stretched financially so it would not be sensible to have more dc. I'm already looking forward to them being more independent!

CPtart · 16/03/2016 07:10

The fact that I was wishing away the months until DS turned three when it all became much easier. We only had DS2 so he had a sibling. I really didn't enjoy pregnancy or those early years very much. Also we have very little family help and could have bought another property with the cost of childcare.

CamboricumMinor · 16/03/2016 07:10

After 3 miscarriages, I couldn't face the rollercoaster of joy-disappointment again.

wallywobbles · 16/03/2016 07:11

I was ridiculously broody for about 2 years after DD2 then one day saw a newborn and just thought thank fuck that's not me. It was such a relief.

Juanbablo · 16/03/2016 07:14

I just knew, to start with it was a complete fear of becoming pregnant. Then I just made peace with it. No more children. A contraception failure meant I fell pregnant again and the utter panic and distress that caused meant I REALLY knew we didn't want any more children and we didn't continue with the pregnancy. I felt terribly guilty and upset about th decision but I knew, and still know, that it was the right one.

YoJesse · 16/03/2016 07:18

I can't imagine wanting more than one right now! Maybe a lot later, I like to think I have a few more fertile years to decide.

I don't feel broody round kids.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 16/03/2016 07:28

3 is enough for me.
My third pregnancy drained me out and i could not go through that again.
I worry about if I was pregnant again, having a baby who is disabled. I'm already stressed and I don't want to run that risk of adding a child that needs extra extra attention. That isn't meant to offend anyone- it's just how I feel.
The toddler years are bloody hard work and I am like a robot. Depressed, not myself. I didn't feel like this with ds1, but ds2 has been very challenging. It's not his fault I know and he can be a little sweetheart.
I want to get past the baby/toddler years and enjoy it. Hopefully I will be myself again. Ds3 is 1 now. Ds2 is 3 and ds1 is 5. I love them all to bits. Ds1 is at a lovely age now.

No more for me. I just want to enjoy my children now without adding another one!

Sallystyle · 16/03/2016 07:40

I don't think I will ever really be free from feeling broody.

Every time I see a baby I want one.

I have five children, we are done. I want to build a career, and I'm enjoying more freedom now they are older. I would hate to go back to packing a bag every time we go out and having to closely supervise a toddler, but I still get broody. Can't imagine that will ever stop, but I want a new puppy every time I see one, but I'm not going to get one.

WanderingTrolley1 · 16/03/2016 07:44

PND after my 3rd (which I'm still suffering with) 2 years later. It is hell.

Needmorewine · 16/03/2016 08:58

When we were TTC DD I just had such a desperate urge for a baby I can't even really articulate it very well, I just needed a baby it was all I could think about. She is my everything I love and adore her but am very happy we are (generally) out of the sleepless nights and exhaustion stage we have so much fun now. I have absolutely no urge for anymore, it's like I've ticked that box so to speak. When I see other peoples babies I think how lovely but that's it - definitely no broodiness.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 16/03/2016 09:01

I realised I couldn't afford another one and to be honest didn't think I had the energy either. I have 2 dc but would have liked a big family.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 16/03/2016 09:21

PND after my 3rd (which I'm still suffering with) 2 years later. It is hell

WanderingTrolley I can relate to that .
I had my 3rd last year and have suffered with PND ever since. Even antenatal depression I suffered with, so that's about 2 years I've been like this now. I agree it is hell.

MNetter15 · 16/03/2016 09:23

When I found that I struggle more often with the DC I already have, rather than enjoy. Then I knew it was time to stop.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 16/03/2016 09:26

MNetter I definitely agree with that!

VagueIdeas · 16/03/2016 09:29

I don't think you have to FEEL that you're done with having babies - sometimes it's more obvious than that.

We can only afford two, and only have room for two. That's enough reasons to stop at two for me! The fact I physically and mentally couldn't manage another pregnancy/baby is by the by

MNetter15 · 16/03/2016 09:38

CantWait - I agree with everything you said too! , I also have 3 and ds (1) is my youngest. I adore him, I do but I have found going from 2-3 so, so incredibly hard. I'm done. I'm mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. I don't remember feeling like this when we just had 2. 2 were manageable.

middlings · 16/03/2016 10:08

When DD2 was three days old I walked into our sitting room where DH was holding her and DD1 was playing on the floor. I looked at the three of them and thought, that's it now, I'm done. I've never waivered. In fact, when I thought a few months ago there was a possibility I might be pregnant (I have a coil so it's almost impossible - and please don't tell me otherwise!!) I strongly considered not telling DH and having a termination.

I really really really don't want anymore. It's as visceral as wanting them was - and DD1 was a long road through assisted conception so believe me, I really wanted her.

DH would happily have five and I think on his optimistic days, still hopes I'll change my mind.

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