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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask how do you know you didn't want anymore children?

170 replies

2016ismyyear · 15/03/2016 22:35

We've been trying for 18mths for a final addition to our family. It has taken 2 years for DP to agree to try.

Last week I suddenly got a sense of feeling like I had made peace with the fact we are unlikely to have any more and started to imagine life without anymore children.

I saw a friends newborn baby today. Often a classic trigger for broodiness. Nothing!

How did you know you were done with having anymore children?

OP posts:
KatharinaRosalie · 16/03/2016 10:10

Before DC2, I felt that there was someone missing from our family. I don't any more.

KillBillHill · 16/03/2016 10:15

After no. 3 and my bum hole felt like it had been peppered with glass shards every time I pooed for up to 1.5 years. It's been almost 2.5 years years now and I still gets bouts. Also dealing with tantrums, screaming, refusing to do things right now....never ever again. I made my mind up after the first week of the pooping saga.

hellsbellsmelons · 16/03/2016 10:21

I hated every part of being pregnant and giving birth.
I knew I'd only do it once.
I did have a horrible time of it though.

juneau · 16/03/2016 10:42

You just know. I always knew I wanted two DC. After DS1 was born it was a case of when, not if, we had another. But after DS2 was born I knew I wouldn't have another. TBH the hormones in my body after having him did make me consider having another, but not in a serious way, just in a hormonal way. I couldn't wait to get rid of all the baby stuff and every stage he passes through now I immediately clear out the toys/DVDs/clothes and I feel a growing sense of freedom. He will be five in May and DH and I are much happier with older DC. We found the baby/toddler years exhausting and boring. Now we can travel more and do more interesting things together our life is much, much better.

pinocchiosnose · 16/03/2016 10:51

After dc2 my inflammatory arthritis is so bad that I have to go into hospital to get it sorted . For all the times I couldn't get down on the floor to play or have been too exhausted to be any fun I just want to get better and make it up to both of them. Dc3 was the original plan but now I'm just so pleased to have 2 lovely dcs I just want to get better and focus on them.

RubbleBubble00 · 16/03/2016 10:54

I will always want more but realistically it's not fair on the children I already have both financially and in the terms if coping with a baby and meeting my children's needa

Arneb · 16/03/2016 10:56

We were both broody on and off for years - never at same time and would have had another if life hadn't thrown so many curved balls.

When youngest got to about 4/5 was at school, they were playing well together we started to think thank goodness we hadn't as we'd have been too stretched.

Now we have a four bed house - so a room for each child something we never thought possible and really don't want any more as it would mess all that up.

Plus children are much more independent and we are starting to have time to do stuff for us again.

I don't think there was a moment - a slow realisation proceeded with head over heart for years.

Danglyweed · 16/03/2016 10:58

After two previous difficult prem births, watching my very prem dt's having to be resuscitated was definately the final straw. Never ever again, I clearly don't 'cook' them well enough

AliDran · 16/03/2016 11:01

After my son I was broody, but after having the twins and almost dying from an undiagnosed internal bleed leading to the start of organ failure followed by a brief spell of post partum psychosis - I'm more than happy to see new born babies, and hand them straight back to the happy parents! I don't think my body could handle another pregnancy

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 16/03/2016 11:04

MNetter Yes I found the jump from 2-3 was massive. It's really physically and mentally draining juggling all their needs when they are all at different stages, and I really really beat myself up about them.

Since my ex left I've actually had a burst of positive energy. I've been decluttering my house- I ordered a skip the other day and gutted the house and the garage. Gave quite a bit to charity too. My mind felt much clearer. Me and my dad are going to get the boys' bedroom decorated and he's going to teach me how to wallpaper Grin I have bought new bed sheets for my bed and I can star fish every night. Nobody to answer to.
Now it's spring I can start working on the gardens again and making them lovely.
I hope this is a turning point for me.

Notso · 16/03/2016 11:08

After 4 I knew I was done.
Between DC2 and 3 there was a long gap where I longed for another baby and DH wasn't sure. If I visited friends with newborns I would leave feeling upset and jealous.
Then we had DC3 and DC4 16 months apart and the feeling went away. Now I visit a newborn enjoy the squishiness and the snuggly cuddle, and that's it.

easydiy · 16/03/2016 11:16

After my first Dc was born. When I realised I had lost 'me' as silly as that sounds (Don't get me wrong I love my Dc to peices and wouldn't change having them). I think watching my Dh carry on just as he was before we had Ds and acting like kevin about what little he did do didn't help with this really. Having said that I did go on to have another but I knew that Dd would be my last and even though I do occasionally get a pang of broodiness it stays well and truly at the back of my mind. Now I'm thinking about being me again when Dc have flew the nest.

Only1scoop · 16/03/2016 11:18

Never wanted DC and have never ever felt broody.

Dd now 5 is amazing and I kind of felt she should have a sibling.... but I'm still never ever broody. Had 2 mmc 17 weeks and 10 weeks within a year.

We won't be having anymore.

Also not entirely relevant but she's settled into an expensive school. She loves it. We couldn't afford this for another DC.

Also selling carrier ....high chair....etc was a biggy.

Like drawing a line.

Chasingsquirrels · 16/03/2016 11:27

I went from not being at all bothered about kids but always thinking I'd have 2, to wanting and having 1st, wanting and having 2nd, thinking 3rd would be nice, splitting up with exH, meeting DP, still thinking 3rd would be nice, settling down with DP etc.

I wish I'd had 3, part of me still wonders if it would be a good idea - but I'm now 43 and DP is 57, and while I think it would be fine now, I don't want a 15yo when I'm nearly 60 and DP is mid-70's etc. So, reluctantly, I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll only have 2.

Only1scoop · 16/03/2016 11:30

Forgot to add also now 43 and dp 52 so that's another massive reason.

I know many woman now have DC much later but we're bloody knackered Grin

ifcatscouldtalk · 16/03/2016 11:50

It's such a personal decision. I assumed i'd have 2, everyone in my family has 2! I had dd, first year was a survival course and I really didn't take to it easily. For years I thought how the hell am I going to do it again. Eventually it dawned on me that 2 wasn't compulsory and when my gorgeous niece was born despite everyone saying " I bet you feel broody now" I didnt at all. I love having an 11 yr old and I enjoy being a mum but feel i'm not cut out for babies.

Oogle · 16/03/2016 11:55

I didn't want children, then decided I wanted 2. DH didn't want children and then decided he did want 1.

Our DS is now 15 months old and as much as I adore him, I'm done. It's WAY harder than I ever thought it would be and I am not a natural. Weirdly, whilst the newborn days were hard, I could do those again and even at the time, still said I'd have a second. It's 4-11 months that I found really hard and again now I'm finding my strong-willed toddler hard work. He is so much fun now though.

I could not imagine doing newborn days with a toddler though. I'm back at work, I'm losing weight and I have time to take care of myself and go to the gym, etc. I can afford to still treat myself and we have a decent lifestyle. If I had a second, I wouldn't be able to. So, I guess it's purely selfish reasons that will stop me having a second. Plus, DH really, really doesn't want another child.

No one believes me though, which I find hugely frustrating.

ifcatscouldtalk · 16/03/2016 12:05

Oogle I know it's annoying. I had years of "you'll change your mind." It got so tedious.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 16/03/2016 12:36

2 is enough for me.
My first pregnancy was easy, no problems at all. Birth was a little tricky, but he was a dream baby. He slept well, was content to bash at toys on his play mat if I needed to get on and do things and was just a very content little fellow.
I got broody again very quickly. We had to move to a bigger house and we started trying as soon as we'd done most of the big DIY jobs. I got very impatient!
Second pregnancy was hell. I find it funny that when I was TTC #1 I wasn't too fussed about the fact it took a few months to happen. With every period I had when TTC #2 I was distraught.
I had headaches for 8 weeks then hideous sickness to week 20. That's when the SPD kicked in and insomnia from 6 months. He arrived a month early due to premature rupture of the membranes and an EMCS and has been a total pain ever since!
I love him to bits, but the constant sleep disruption is the real kicker, along with the fact he's a limpet boy. He's nearly 2 and the cutest little bug I have ever seen and actually a very enjoyable toddler but I am well and truly done. No pangs of anything when chucking or giving away pregnancy and and tiny baby stuff. If someone else has a baby I'll happily give them a cuddle and then just as happily hand them back.
I wouldn't cope physically or mentally if I had another, I think my body was giving up at the end of my 2nd pregnancy tbh.
Having said all that, a small part of me is sad there will be no more, but it is shouted down by the much saner part of me.

SushiAndTheBanshees · 16/03/2016 12:44

We have two. DH wanted one. I want three. If we had a third (deliberately, and we are not the sorts to leave these things to chance) I think it would severely damage my marriage. On balance, I want a happy DH more than I want DC3.

Kittykatmacbill · 16/03/2016 12:55

I thought that waking up after a general anaesthetic after my second 'low risk birth but needing an emergency c section' birth was it. But actually I think the sheer terror of being a couple of days late, was actually it.

Dh I think before dd2 might have said he wanted 3, but the reality of having to move and not being able to afford anything ever again, as well as me having such a terrible first pregnancy and too such death defying births, two is now enough.

SunnyDays1987 · 16/03/2016 13:30

I have a DS 14 months. We have always said we wanted two but I hated pregnancy and neither of us particularly enjoyed having a small baby. We often talk about how much easier life would be with only one. But all his clothes are in the loft, as are my maternity clothes. The perfect prep machine is still in the cupboard with the bottles etc etc, so I think we will have another, but we'll probably spend a large amount of time thinking we are crazy!

Dellarobia · 16/03/2016 13:36

The time when I knew for sure was when I had a pregnancy scare. The sense of relief when the test was negative told me everything I needed to know! (Not to mention DH's reaction!)

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 16/03/2016 13:40

I'm really lucky to have two.

In terms of money, time and emotional reserves I can't afford another.

I still go all mushy over a newborn but there's no way I could look after another one.

QuietNinjaTardis · 16/03/2016 13:48

It took me a long time to want to try for another after I had ds as I was so ill with sickness and in pain from SPd and he was a nightmare sleeper. I had hyperemesis with my dd and SPd again and she's now over two and still a shit sleeper. So yeh I know I'm done. I could not go through the pregnancy again. Labour was a piece of piss compared to 9 months of hell.