To think this ladies opinion on kissing children on the mouth was a bit extreme?

[Writerwannabe83]

I was watching a discussion on the TV on Friday morning which centred on children kissing their parents on the mouth.

It was a group discussion but they typically had one woman arguing why it was fine and one woman saying it wasn't and if I remember correctly they both had qualifications in psychology and child development etc.

The woman who was anti kissing children said that in order to teach our children appropriate behaviours (in relation to what an intimate act is) then parents should stop kissing children on the mouth when they are 18 months old. I was listening to her in disbelief and most of the people involved in the discussion looked quite shocked too.

She went on to say that if parents kissed their child on their mouth at this age and older then the children may go on to kiss their grandparents or caregivers on the mouth (specifically mentioning childminders and nursery workers) and then said something along the lines of, "And then where is the line drawn in that child's eyes as to what is appropriate kissing behaviour?"

I have a 2 year old who I kiss on the mouth all the time and I have no problem with him kissing others on the mouth either.

I appreciate there comes a point where a child, or the other person involved, may feel uncomfortable about kissing on the lips, but surely a cut off point of 18 months is a bit extreme?

wiltingfast I think you are being a bit selective there, did you not see the bit about it being life threatening to babies, can cause brain damage and blindness and even without that if you are one of the people who get frequent outbreaks, like me up to 12 a year, herpes is a total misery. But yes fine, focus on one thing, after all the rest of it is a breeze.

There is some recent research that linked it to dementia as well. Not sure where they got to with that but given the way it has made me suffer for 60 years I'm not sure I want to know.

All that because a thoughtless adult thought it was appropriate to pass their herpes on to a 2 year old.

YANBU, but since breasts have stopped not being sexualised I guess the nutters have to find another body part to sexualise. Ds came out my vagina after dp had his penis there a couple of nights months before. the fucking audacity.

I don't think it's sexual but I do think it's strange. But that's probably because I have never ever seen anyone do it - genuinely surprised that so many people do.

I've never had herpes or a cold sore.

I'm not being selective granny, I suppose my points really are:-

1. The virus is incredibly common and therefore, not kissing your child is not going to ensure the child is not exposed.

1. The complications you speak of are extremely rare, indeed I know personally of no one who has experienced the level of complication you describe.

1. You brought up genital herpes and that's what we exchanged views on originally, that is why I focused on that.

I don't kiss my kids on the lips (no reason just prefer a cheek) but when my dd was around 9 or 10 and I used to go to peck her cheek at bedtime she would kiss me on the lips. I didn't want to make an issue of it and I'm glad I didn't. She's 12 now and only kisses on the cheek (if at all). It's not sexual it's jut normal affection to me and parents should take their cues from their children about how much physical affection to show. Some kids hate kissing and others like it. As soon as it becomes necessary to debate things like this, perfectly normal loving parents are made to feel weird about a completely natural thing. It's silly IMO.

ThreadyPants do you mean you have never had an outbreak? Lots of people carry herpes (that is what cold sores are) and don't have outbreaks but they can pass it on.

wiltingfast, my point is do you think the risk is worth it? There is a risk, it is real, if nothing else just having herpes as I have it, 12 outbreaks a year and worse when I was a teenager, is not worth it. I know if I could go back and stop that adult indulging themselves by kissing a child I would. I would to have experienced my teenage years without constant outbreaks, without the feeling ill and looking awful. My outbreaks weren't the nice neat little coldsores some people get, they were large all round my mouth and up my nose.

There are risks in life but some are easily avoided so why not avoid them.

Just think if everyone stopped kissing babies and children on the mouth in 20 years time oral herpes would be virtually wiped out in young people and no more danger.

To be honest I think education is badly needed, how many people on this thread have said they have never had a cold sore and think that means they can't have herpes? How many people think they can't pass it on without an actual sore present? The rates of childhood herpes have been dropping and this is believed to be because people are more responsible about passing on the virus but it is clear that not everyone has got the message.

I assume that the person who gave it to me didn't realise the problems they were causing, I hope so as I would be angry if I thought they knew the dangers and did it anyway.

I don't want your child to go through the misery I have, do you?

Granny no, never had an outbreak. Neither has my mum or sister, we must be pretty lucky where that's concerned.

I've never had an outbreak either, nor has anyone in immediate family on my side or DH side.

If I did have a sore I wouldn't kiss anyone, that goes without saying.

I have a really random form of herpes I've had since a small child.

I get it on my back.

My mum had cold sores - maybe she kissed me on the back. I have no idea.

I've never had a cold sore on my mouth though.

It would never occur to me not to kiss a child in case I have infected them with something on the off chance.

granny your posts are very extreme - I wonder how many babies have suffered those terrible symptoms all because of a simple kiss on the lips? I would have thought it was virtually none. yes things are avoidable but lots of things in life are avoidable but we don't avoid them - people carry on regardless.

can we go back to having a normal conversation instead of going to the extremes.

DS is 17 - he still pecks me goodnight and goodbye on lips followed up by hug.

DSD 16 - still gives me peck on lips and hug hello, goodbye goodbye

DSS 12 - not a massive kisser at all but hugs like his life depends on it.

For a virus that is so COMMON (between 70 and 90% of the population according to the different sources) the side effects you speak of are so rare granny.
It's heartbreaking when you hear about unexposed babies getting ill/dying but it is very very rare.
I know what you mean about the misery of cold sores though, I suffer with them terribly, sometimes my entire lips are covered, as well down my nose and throat/tongue etc. Horrible.
It's embarrassing too, people look at you like you're some typhoid Mary.

*I have a really random form of herpes I've had since a small child.

I get it on my back*

One of my sons gets this, too. He's a very well-kissed young man and neither of us regrets a single pucker.

I kiss my ds (8) on the lips at least 10 times a day.
He insists
And sometimes we mess around and it lasts for longer than a second- like maybe 2 seconds!!!!!!
It's not weird at all