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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this ladies opinion on kissing children on the mouth was a bit extreme?

166 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 13/03/2016 21:43

I was watching a discussion on the TV on Friday morning which centred on children kissing their parents on the mouth.

It was a group discussion but they typically had one woman arguing why it was fine and one woman saying it wasn't and if I remember correctly they both had qualifications in psychology and child development etc.

The woman who was anti kissing children said that in order to teach our children appropriate behaviours (in relation to what an intimate act is) then parents should stop kissing children on the mouth when they are 18 months old. I was listening to her in disbelief and most of the people involved in the discussion looked quite shocked too.

She went on to say that if parents kissed their child on their mouth at this age and older then the children may go on to kiss their grandparents or caregivers on the mouth (specifically mentioning childminders and nursery workers) and then said something along the lines of, "And then where is the line drawn in that child's eyes as to what is appropriate kissing behaviour?"

I have a 2 year old who I kiss on the mouth all the time and I have no problem with him kissing others on the mouth either.

I appreciate there comes a point where a child, or the other person involved, may feel uncomfortable about kissing on the lips, but surely a cut off point of 18 months is a bit extreme?

OP posts:
Honeyandfizz · 14/03/2016 07:01

I kiss my 2 dc on the lips all the time, I've never even considered it inappropriate tbh. They are now 11 and 12 and still pucker up for a kiss. It's a shame that an innocent bit of affection could be thought of as sexual, how ridiculous!!

LocatingLocatingLocating · 14/03/2016 07:05

I kiss mine on the lips if they pucker up their lips ready iyswim. They seem to prefer it, almost like they see cheek kissing as too impersonal. They are 6 & 9.

catsrus · 14/03/2016 07:20

My family of origin were non kissers - of any sort! So it was a shock to my system at 18 to leave home and get thrown into navigating a world full of both lip and cheek kissers - it took me many years to get comfortable with either.

As part of my studies, at one point, I did field work in an ethnic minority community who were full on lip kissers, men to men as well as adults to children. It just made me realise that it really is a cultural thing - and some families have that culture - others don't. Even within the white British working class culture of my childhood there were family differences - I went to an aunt's funeral and discovered her children and grandchildren were lip kissers when her dsis, my DM, was a non kisser of any adult, related or not.

BackInTheRealWorld · 14/03/2016 07:27

My eldest boy is 18, we still kiss on the mouth. I can assure you there is nothing sexual about it.

The way the towie woman did it with her son was weird and sort of passionate....that creeped me out.

Ledkr · 14/03/2016 07:30

Wow!
I'm mumsnet weird Grin ive always kissed mine untill it naturally stops as they get older.
Just a peck, not a full on snog!!
Dd is 5 and turns to me all puckered up when she goes into school or leaves the house with dh, she'd be horrified if I pecked her cheek Instead.
I think you should do what feels comfortable for everyone.

NNalreadyinuse · 14/03/2016 07:32

I can't see the problem - it is affectionate, nothing more and it is actually very insulting for anyone to imply otherwise.

I wouldn't want child carers to do this as I would agree in that instance about it being inappropriate, in the sense that they are not family, so ought to behave differently to mum and dad (and also because of the hygiene aspect).

firesidechat · 14/03/2016 07:38

I'm actually surprised at how many people think it's weird.... shock

Me too Writerwannabe. I don't remember my parents showing me any form of affection, but I always kissed my children on the lips. It's a quick peck, not a snog and I'm a bit shocked that so many on here see it as a sexual thing. I can't recall when it happened, but it did trail off as they got older and now they are adults we just hug each other.

One of my children also kisses her children on the lips in the same way. The other doesn't have children yet.

I would also add that just because we kissed them like this and they kissed us back, it didn't skew their boundaries at all. They knew what was appropriate with other people.

gamerwidow · 14/03/2016 07:40

I let dd(5) kiss me on the lips because that's what she wants to do. Tbh id prefer a kiss on the cheek but apparently that's not sufficient. I assume she'll go off this at some point in which case I'll stop but until then I'll carry on.

firesidechat · 14/03/2016 07:41

In our case there is no cultural element to account for our strange kissing habit, just in case anyone wondered. Grin

NerrSnerr · 14/03/2016 07:43

I really don't understand the problem and didn't realise people felt odd about children kissing parents on the lips. My 18 month old kisses on the lips, of course it's not sexual, like breastfeeding isn't.

PearSoup · 14/03/2016 07:44

What? What? What!

Kissing on the lips is sexual but other parts of the face are not sexual. Unless you are slipping your toungue in I really can't see how it is.

I kiss my children on their lips. We don't snog but we do kiss.

PearSoup · 14/03/2016 07:45

I also kissed my offers bottom this morning. That wasn't sexual either!

PearSoup · 14/03/2016 07:46

Toddler not offer!

Timri · 14/03/2016 07:46

But then I used to let her suck on my nipples. Perverted, eh?

Yep, dirty perv Grin

Chattymummyhere · 14/03/2016 07:46

I don't kiss mine on the lips and I don't like it when other people's children try to kiss me on the lips. I do think it gets a bit strange as the children get older seeing them kiss their parents on the lips. I don't even like other adults kissing my cheeks though so more than likely my own issues.

Each to their own and I would never tell someone I thought it was weird that they did it.

ClopySow · 14/03/2016 07:50

I still kiss my mum on the lips. I'm 40. Both my teen sons kiss me on the lips.

I'm surprised by how many people think it's weird, but i guess people are different.

Kim82 · 14/03/2016 07:50

Ds aged 14 doesn't kiss on the lips any more - I can't remember what age that stopped, he kisses on the cheek now. All 3 girls aged 11, 8 and 19 months still kiss me on the lips. I will take my lead from them, as I did with Ds, and if and when they start kissing on the cheek then I'm happy to go with that. I don't see the issue with kissing on the lips.

recyclingbag · 14/03/2016 07:52

DS1 (10) has never been a kisser. Even when he was a baby he never really gave me a kiss.

He will offer me a cheek or forehead under duress but has never volunteered.

I have never made him kiss relatives, visitors etc. I will sometimes pin him down but there are shrieks of protest. He's very cuddly though.

DS2 is entirely different. He is 7 and will still get your head in both his hands and kiss you on the lips. He does this repeatedly. As far as I'm aware he doesn't attempt this with anyone other than me.

I was a bit Confused about it to be honest but it's been entirely led by him and now feels entirely normal. I'm sure at some point he will stop.

I hope I'm teaching my children to feel comfortable about their own bodies and boundaries. I hope I'm teaching them that it's entirely their decision and they shouldn't be told by a third party that's its inappropriate or unacceptable.

Personally, I find it creepy that someone would tell a child that ANY activity with their mother could be inappropriate.

Having said that, I have recently told DS2 that he needs to stop putting his hands in my bra and squeezing!

differentnameforthis · 14/03/2016 07:52

Why do many of you find it "yuk"

I think by saying it is inappropriate, you are sexualising the mouth/lips.

How many of those who find it "yuk" breastfed?

Kissing on the mouth is sexual IMO An innocent child kiss on the mouth is no more sexual than breastfeeding.

It is weird and babies are ... full of germs As are adults...

And those shouting COLD SORES...I guess you never kiss ANYONE on the lips then??

my nephew (nearly 2) kissed me on the mouth on Friday and I now have a sore throat! Thing is, you can get a sore throat by other means. You don't need contact to catch germs that are air-borne...

Murphyslaw21 · 14/03/2016 07:53

I kiss cheeks continuously. It's my job I have to get a million kisses in every day.

Lips no but that's because of drool

Purplebluebird · 14/03/2016 07:54

I never kiss my son on the lips, it feels unnatural to me. No judgement though Smile

peggyundercrackers · 14/03/2016 07:54

Both ours want kissed on the lips, both slobbery things - absolutely nothing sexual about it when a teething toddler launches themselves at you covered in slavers.

Proudmummytodc2 · 14/03/2016 08:02

I kiss my kids on the lips if that's what they ask for or if they give me a kiss on the cheek I give them one on the cheek but I noticed most parents at the nursery that give their kids a kiss is on the mouth so not uncommon.

Although my MIL tries to do it when saying bye when we are visiting and it makes me feel awkward I now just turn my head so she gets my cheek instead.

Trills · 14/03/2016 08:10

Why does anyone find anything yuck?

Cultural conditioning, probably.

Gizlotsmum · 14/03/2016 08:12

Never really thought about it Confused I do both dependant on child/ them etc. I also kiss bottoms, knees, toes etc when requested by either my 7 or 4 yr old ( 4 yr old finds bottom kiss requests hilarious!) I also kiss backs of necks, ears etc. So lip kisses happen but literally just a peck and lead by child

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