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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this ladies opinion on kissing children on the mouth was a bit extreme?

166 replies

Writerwannabe83 · 13/03/2016 21:43

I was watching a discussion on the TV on Friday morning which centred on children kissing their parents on the mouth.

It was a group discussion but they typically had one woman arguing why it was fine and one woman saying it wasn't and if I remember correctly they both had qualifications in psychology and child development etc.

The woman who was anti kissing children said that in order to teach our children appropriate behaviours (in relation to what an intimate act is) then parents should stop kissing children on the mouth when they are 18 months old. I was listening to her in disbelief and most of the people involved in the discussion looked quite shocked too.

She went on to say that if parents kissed their child on their mouth at this age and older then the children may go on to kiss their grandparents or caregivers on the mouth (specifically mentioning childminders and nursery workers) and then said something along the lines of, "And then where is the line drawn in that child's eyes as to what is appropriate kissing behaviour?"

I have a 2 year old who I kiss on the mouth all the time and I have no problem with him kissing others on the mouth either.

I appreciate there comes a point where a child, or the other person involved, may feel uncomfortable about kissing on the lips, but surely a cut off point of 18 months is a bit extreme?

OP posts:
tinafaith · 13/03/2016 23:18

I kiss DD (7) on the lips. I don't kiss DS (3) on the lips because he doesn't like kisses in any form. I kiss my DM on the lips occasionally too. I've never managed to get aroused by either though.

wiltingfast · 13/03/2016 23:19

I think it's weird however my children do not, and insist on kissing on the mouth. Of course I am not going to say no, so here I am. They are 4 and 6

The younger one instigated it (always been extremly affectionate) her db then decided he wants them too.

So now I have 2 mouth kissers.

Afaik it's only me. No one else gets the mouth kisses.

I've gotten used to it. Grin

WitchSharkadder · 13/03/2016 23:20

I kiss my DCs on the lips all the time. Of course it's not sexual!

Lovesabadboy · 13/03/2016 23:21

My DD's are now 15 and 19 and we have always done lip kisses. They also both still peck DH on the lips to say goodnight.
It is just the most natural thing in the world to us and we would feel awkward kissing each other on the cheek!
My sister and I also do lip kisses and, up until she died, I also lip-kissed my mother. If my dad was still alive, I would have lip-kissed him too.
If we have colds/lurgies then we will be considerate and cheek kiss!
For close family relatives it just feels right - in fact - I don't even think about it at all, until I read things like this.

MIL and Step-FIL are cheek kisses from us all though, as they are more comfortable with that...and so am I as they are not my blood relatives.

Redglitter · 13/03/2016 23:22

My nieces both still do on the mouth kisses to.their parents me and their gran. I very much take my lead from them bit they always kiss me on the mouth. I don't see anything wrong with it as long as we're all comfortable with it

SatsukiKusakabe · 13/03/2016 23:23

Mine both kiss me on the lips, just a peck. One more so than the other. I always kiss on their faces, not their lips. They don't do it with extended family or anyone else though, and I would discourage it.

I wouldn't have set out to do it, but it seems horrible turning away as though they are doing something wrong and rejecting them when they are being innocently affectionate. They are very little and I dare say they will grow out of it when they are uncomfortable with it, as children mostly do with all these things that people find weird from time to time.

As a pp said, children do all sorts of things in safety of their home and immediate family that never crosses into the world outside, so find her argument odd.

My children and I don't have cold sores, and I don't in fact currently know anyone who suffers, and only once in the past; it is something to be aware of, certainly, but it's not as common a problem as the Zovirax ads would have you believe.

Guiltydilemma · 13/03/2016 23:24

I'm a mouth kisser but only with my kids. I don't think a peck on the lips is sexual in the slightest. It's just being very affectionate. My littlest daughter prefers getting a kiss from me on the mouth as she asks for it when I've got a cold and I've gone for a cheek kiss instead. Also paranoid that people are slagging me in the playground now!

Timri · 13/03/2016 23:24

Everyone is aware that something like 90 odd percent of the population has the herpes virus already? It's just most people are only carriers and don't get the sores.
No one is kissing babies on the mouth when they have a coldsore surely?!?
And meh to kissing on the mouth.. I always pucker up and kiss my kids, I don't try and slip a tongue in!!

SatsukiKusakabe · 13/03/2016 23:25

Ha - cross posts wiliting, passive kiss receiver here too Grin

UptownFunk00 · 13/03/2016 23:32

I kiss DC nearly 3 and 1mo) on the lips so does my parents and their Dad but nobody else (except little cousin my nephew also 2).

If/ when they are uncomfortable then I won't do it. I don't remember my parents doing it often when I was younger.

It's hardly sexual to place mouths together. Tong hung yes but just a peck? It tells me that the person who sees it that way has issues relating to sex or intimacy.

SatsukiKusakabe · 13/03/2016 23:32

It's weird the whole 'kisses are sexual' thing in general - isn't one theory that kissing originated from mother to baby 'feeding' anyway?

Also it really depends on context - I am attracted to my dh, but the quick peck goodbye in the mornings, or hello if I meet him in town, or in front of the kids when he gets in from work, aren't preludes to anything shocking. These kisses are, I would say, completely friendly and wouldn't frighten the horses and he's my husband.

Ludwsys · 13/03/2016 23:35

I kiss my parents on the lips and I kiss my DC on the lips at 24 and 10, it's not sexual at all, it's a quick dry peck. My parents have never had s cold sore and they're in their 70's, I've never had a cold sore and I'm 48 and the DC have never had a cold sore. I think we're in the safe 10%, as surely it would have appeared in at least one of us!

Ludwsys · 13/03/2016 23:36

14, not 24. I'll stop when he wants to, but it's usually just a quick bedtime peck instigated by him.

PeaceLoveAndJaffaCakes · 13/03/2016 23:51

I get cold sores and I kiss my DS on the mouth, though obviously not when I'm sporting a weeping crusty lip gremlin Grin
Call the NSPCC?

Intriguingly, kissing in a more open-mouthed, "sexual" manner repulses me, and I only do closed-mouth pecking with DH. But I'm not overly disgusted when DS does the lunging open-mouthed slobber attacks he calls kisses, maybe because there is no romantic element? Or maybe I just love him more.

PeaceLoveAndJaffaCakes · 13/03/2016 23:52

I should maybe add that DS is 1yo!

Juanbablo · 14/03/2016 05:36

We kiss our children on the lips all the time (8, 6 and 2). They kiss grandparents on the lips too. Perhaps we are really weird but we've always done it.

TattieHowkerz · 14/03/2016 05:50

YANBU!

My DD is 4. Not kissing her and showing affection would feel more weird. It certainly is not a sexual thing. But then I used to let her suck on my nipples. Perverted, eh?

VinceNoirLovesHowardMoon · 14/03/2016 06:30

we both don't have the capacity to produce the enzyme that can fight herpes simplex

How do you know this?

curren · 14/03/2016 06:39

I think it's up to what people feel comfortable with. Both kids kiss me on the lips. At 11 and 5. Both understand you don't just kiss ransoms on the mouth.

Imo there is a huge difference between a romantic or sexual kiss on the mouth, and a kick peck. I find it odd that people jump to the 'inappropriate' argument. I saw this morning and the woman arguing against kissing in the mouth, actually contradicted herself as they had a photo up of a dad kissing his toddler dd and she said there was nothing wrong with that.

curren · 14/03/2016 06:45

This is the thing we keep getting told that breast feeding is still taboo because womens breast are seen as sexual rather than functional.

Lips are not, in themselves, sexual. If my kids want to kiss me on the lips I have no issue. Because it's their bodies and their choice. They respect others personal space and wouldn't do it to anyone else.

Helmetbymidnight · 14/03/2016 06:48

I don't kiss the dc on the lips.

But they kiss me on the lips.

It's cute and harmless- that psychologist is an idiot.

Jojoanna · 14/03/2016 06:49

My parents were very huggy cuddly and affectionate and I am with my children lots of cuddles and cheek kisses and butterfly kisses. But never thought about kissing anyone on the lips . Each to their own

Natsku · 14/03/2016 06:50

DD loves a kiss on the lips, she's 5 and I'll continue kissing her on the lips for as long as she wants. It felt weird to be to begin with and initially I decided I would never kiss her on the lips but it just felt natural to give her a kiss in the end.

I haven't had a cold sore since I was a kid and if I got one again I wouldn't kiss her at all until it went.

Mari50 · 14/03/2016 06:56

I kiss my DD on the mouth and until this debate started I didn't even realise it wasn't something everyone did. I'm amazed that people think it's inappropriate. It's a closed mouth kiss, an expression of love and nothing to do with sex. I'm also fascinated by the paranoia about herpes too, considering a blood test would show the majority of the population are carriers.

Fratelli · 14/03/2016 06:57

I think anyone who finds kissing a child "sexual" is the wierdo tbh! My ds is one year and its the only way he kisses! As if I'm going to say no!