Aibu to think people who rather a child stay in care than be adopted by gays

[Catvsworld]

Aibu to think people who would rather a child stay in foster care rather than be adopted by gays have real issues are there hatred of gays is more important than a child's well being

Following on from this idiot judge to was quite rightly removed for allowing his personal feeling on gay adoption rather than applying the law

Listing to the bbc London and so many people Felt a child was better off in care

As an adopter myself this is not a issue of gay vs straight couple it's a issue of gay vs a life in care with many moves

And tbh if straight parents were that fab the children wouldn't be in care all the children we fostered came from straight parents

I just wonder if these people could aculoy look a child in the face and say there is a gay couple who wants you but I think it best yu stay in care for your natrual born with a straight face

Also they don't factor in for some children who have been abused by say men two women would be ideal for that child ect

And again ...

My son is gay. He is a lovely, caring, respectful and hard working young man. What on earth would be wrong with him adopting a child? He isn't going to be able to 'make' one of his own, seeing as he's gay and all that malarkey.

Why on earth would he not make a good father?

As a non-white person I find it insulting that I am referred to as 'un-natural' as above

What the fuck are you talking about?

In the op: I'm not sure I like the referring to gay people as 'gays'. It may not be meant that way but it feels a bit pejorative.

As for Ebony, I believe there's research showing that in the animal kingdom you do get animals in social groups who show same-sex attraction. The thought is that these non-breeding animals have capacity to help with tending to other children in their family group, and so the whole group thrives as a result.

Extrapolating this to gay couples adopting neglected children sounds quite biologically plausible to me.

I was about to point out the same thing Glittery just did - that children raised by lesbian couples do best of all in terms of mental health, educational achievement, their future - the whole shebang. These are long term, serious studies. So Ebony you are proved wrong by hard research.

In nature (which you so venerate) homosexuality absolutely does occur in other species, in about the same proportion as it does in humans. These homosexual animals naturally adopt a fostering role when the birth parents of a young animal die, ensuring and promoting the survival of the species. Nature at its best.

And of course gay parents can and do have children. They use IVF and donor insemination. As do very many straight couples.

Lastly, what is 'deviant'? Is that definition up to you? Some people consider any sexual activity that is not missionary between a man and a woman to be 'deviant'. Are you one of those? Where do you draw the line?

I am the straight parent of two daughters who both identify as bisexual. If they form long-term same sex relationships I will be happy and privileged to be a grandmother to any children they may choose to have, because I am not a fucking bigot.

You'd have to be a fruit loop to think parenting skills are in anyway related to what you find sexually attractive. About as irrelevant as what colour you like.

It shouldn't even be a debatable question. You'd need to be a twat to even think sexual orientation remotely matters.

As a scary side note, I've met an ex- foster carer with some seriously fucked up opinions. Cracking lines in pc bullshit but as bigoted and predjudiced as you can get when it came down to it. She thought it was a shame not every child had the chance of naice parents like her and her twatty dh, and instead had to make do with single parents, gays, non caucasians etc. And seemed to think that behind closed doors everyone agreed that in an ideal world all dc would have 2 straight white parents, but beggars can't be choosers.

So glad I met her socially, and after the cunt had retired, so I could freely let rip.

Oh, wanted to add that someone upthread said that this magistrate could have his views because he would be outvoted by the rest of the panel. I think the point is that he's not on the panel - he's the magistrate who approves the final adoption order on the recommendation of the panel. So his say goes and it's a very very serious thing to refuse to accept the informed recommendation of the panel on the basis of prejudice.

Plus, there IS research on the outcomes for children raised by gay parents, including through adoption - see the work of Susan Golombok (Parenting: what really counts, and Modern Families).

Ebony

I'm horrified by what you've said (jaw still on ground) but it's so alien to me that I'm also fascinated by your reasoning! Surely most things humans do nowadays are not 'natural', yet I assume you have no moral objection to buying food from a shop, driving a car etc?? Perhaps you could expand on your views? Trying to work out if you're a religious fundamentalist or general bigot. Or trolling?

I'm also curious about how you feel about adoption by single parents, ethnic minorities, atheists, anyone else who might have been considered 'undesirable' a few generations ago before we knew any better ??

Devora I am pleased you have had a positive experience, I really am. Of course I know homosexuals are biologically capable of reproducing but that it clearly not what I meant.

Another one for you Ebony

www.bbc.co.uk/earth/story/20150206-are-there-any-homosexual-animals

I always wonder if these people are applying to become foster carers and adopters to stop these children being taken in by LGBT+ couples. Somehow I doubt it - they're just bigots who want to stop LGBT+ couples from having nice things, to the detriment of absolutely everyone involved.

Bumping just before I go to bed:

My son is gay. He is a lovely, caring, respectful and hard working young man. What on earth would be wrong with him adopting a child? He isn't going to be able to 'make' one of his own, seeing as he's gay and all that malarkey.

Why on earth would he not make a good father?

I know you're reading threads, Ebony, so I'm curious as to why you're ignoring my questions.

EbonyDanny - do you think you should be able to adopt a child outside of your ethnic group? Or marry outside of your ethnic group? Because both those things have been decried as unnatural in the relatively recent past.

Currently wondering if 'Centre Parcs activities' are considered unnatural and deviant?

As a foster carer can I just say that lots of children do grow up in care with love and permanence? Many children are deemed unadoptable and they don't rot in care, they live in families like ours. Children deemed to be adoptable are never, in my experience ever placed in care homes

Glittery for that, and what came after- thank you.

they wont answer BIWI - to ignorant xx for what it's worth he sounds lovely and I am sure will be a brilliant dad

What about gay children wanting adoption? do they not get to see a normal gay family?

BIWI

She can't answer you, because her belief is founded on ignorance.

Perhaps she thinks a day couple will raise a child to be gay, just like the parents of the gay couple did...oh wait no, that isn't how sexuality works is it!

Even if she doesn't, I hope if your son ever decides to foster or adopt a child that he is successful. Every child deserves a loving home and your son sounds like he could provide one.

Ok, I'm going to fez up with this one.

I'm adopted and I used to be a bit like this, not as dogmatic though.
It's lack of education why many people say this, although some people are just twats.
We have been conditioned over time that Mum and Dad are the best parents, for a long time any parents who stepped outside the traditional model were shunned, ironically, the reason I was adopted, but then society changed.
It's just taking longer for people to get their heads round this.
For a start there is the misconception that the child would get bullied at school for a start.
They'd grow up confused and the child has been through enough.
If you hear enough of these it will make you question as I did, they are strong arguments when you are dealing with children who are in the system now.
I know many would consider this homophobic, I'm not sure it is.
I think it is for the ones like this judge and probably many who agree with him. I was wrong to question it, but I'm glad I did because I learned such a lot.

I'd love to know what Ebony makes of our teenage girl (we're gay male foster carers) who was recently invited to move from our placement to another foster placement with a sibling (and heterosexual foster carers) She refused because she likes being with us.

No doubt we've indoctrinated her with sin of something. However, consider this, if indoctrination was so easy, perhaps she might eat her vegetables!

*gay not day

So gay men can't "have" children naturally shouldn't adopt - yet straight couples who can't have children can adopt?
(Neither can single people)

So are you saying the only acceptable people who should adopt are those who can prove they can naturally have children?

Mind boggles!!

Infife you loving bastard. Opening your home and heart to child in need is a wonderful thing...unless Ebony finds out you're gay of course

OMG Infife you have probably brainwashed her with love and kindness so that she isn't now a big nasty bigot - how wonderful

Alisvolatpropiis

I can't believe anyone thinks 1. a gay couple are any less suitable than straight couple for this reason (I.e. rather than as individual people as the case may be) and even more so 2. That being in care could be better than being adopted by a loving gay couple.

I know some people do believe this but it's so illogical it hurts.

I'm old enough to remember when people thought it was unnatural and unfair for interracial couples to have children. They used to say, "It's not fair on them - they won't belong anywhere". Thankfully that view seems to have bitten the dust too (we're an ethnically mixed family so quite invested in this liberal trend!).