Aibu to think people who rather a child stay in care than be adopted by gays

[Catvsworld]

Aibu to think people who would rather a child stay in foster care rather than be adopted by gays have real issues are there hatred of gays is more important than a child's well being

Following on from this idiot judge to was quite rightly removed for allowing his personal feeling on gay adoption rather than applying the law

Listing to the bbc London and so many people Felt a child was better off in care

As an adopter myself this is not a issue of gay vs straight couple it's a issue of gay vs a life in care with many moves

And tbh if straight parents were that fab the children wouldn't be in care all the children we fostered came from straight parents

I just wonder if these people could aculoy look a child in the face and say there is a gay couple who wants you but I think it best yu stay in care for your natrual born with a straight face

Also they don't factor in for some children who have been abused by say men two women would be ideal for that child ect

Embroidery I for one am definitely insulted by Ebony's assumption that I might psychologically damage a child.

And it clearly isn't accidental if she admits she has the wit to not spout her bigoted opinions at work so yes, it is a deliberate insult

Why are there so many posters who've joined recently goading the fuck out of MN at the moment? Is it the time of year?

Last saw this thread a couple of hours ago and was jaw-dropped at Ebony's beyond blatant and rank homophobia 'deviant sexual relationship' and was one of the many that walloped report. That wasn't me 'censoring' another person's views, it was me calling someone out in the same way I would as if they spouted the same inflammatory and offensive bollocks about race and asserted it as 'fact'.

If I thought I was pissed off then, that is nothing compared to now - at least Ebony has the excuse of being an overt bigot; but those who have followed and defended him/her

And tried to justify that with re-framing his/her homophobic shite as 'debate' etc?

Frankly they (& thank god it seems to be just a couple of posters) are worse than Ebony in my book.

And if you genuinely believe that that referring to a gay relationship as 'deviant' is not offensive in the extreme, then I'd politely suggest you re-examine your own views.

Disclaimer: another mother of a beautiful young man who happens to be gay here. You call my child deviant and damn fucking right I'll report you and call you out

I will have to think harder on my views, when less tired, regarding the use of deviant and normal.

My current thoughts are that at best it was misjudged but honest and technically correct if you wish to use hide behind dictionary definitions to claim that use was acceptable. I do think most reasonable people would stop using a word which many others found offensive though.

Wasn't there a recent BBC article of a woman whose doctor mentioned her "negroid features" which she found deeply offensive and he argued correct medical terminology? Reminds me of that a bit.

But Demented, believe me on this - she is by far not the only one on this site who holds that view. However, she is the only one to be quite so blunt with it.

Here is what it is: people have a sense of disquiet with deviation (no pun intended) from the established norm of two parents, one male and one female and two children. How they get there is up to them and the family doesn't have to stay in that unit, but the intention should have been there to start with. By that, I mean that all types of abuse and divorce and remarriage can follow and it's fine because you know, kids are adaptable.

A stable loving gay couple though. Well. Nervous laugh. It's not that I've anything against them you know but - I Do Feel Sorry For The Child Never Knowing His Daddy. And there's a side helping of What Will He Call His Mums and Won't She Be Confused When She Starts School And All The Other Children Have A Dad? I could go on but you get the picture.

It's balls all to do with not having a father, because that applies to lots of children, but it's when people plan for an unconventional life, as they see it. Not following the conventional order of things is fine but really dear it should be an accident - slipped condom or marrying a bastard, something like that. Not these gays planning to have children.

Adoption tends to be more of a grey area because it straddles the disquiet with gay people with disquiet with adoption so it's often seen to be a good compromise. It's never quite articulated as such but the overall gist is 'well no one else would want those children so the gays should have them'.

People don't like the gays conceiving their children though. Definitely not, big no-no.

As for defending her views - hardly. Pointing out that she isn't unique in holding them but she is unique in her honesty.

Years ago when I first started TTC I was asked on a radio show if I was worried about encountering prejudice from people because of how I had chosen to start my family. I answered very confidently stating that I just wouldn't want to be friends with anyone like that.

I wish I had known then that people like ebony are in the minority: the Ebony's in this world who will state their views in a way you can understand and dismiss as someone you wouldn't want to be friends with are rare. Mostly people are earnestly non judgemental, non homophobic, non prejudiced - they believe (or think they do) families come in all different shapes and sizes - but.

But the child doesn't have a male role model and ... Trails off.

And the rest of that sentence? I'll finish it shall I - 'the child doesn't have a male role model and they should and you can't provide that and so you were WRONG to have him/her and you shouldn't have children.'

Say it. Say it and let me see you for who you are.

So tired now but......
Mycatsloveeachother I think you are great and so refreshing.

Demented

You're totally right IMHO to be insulted by the assumption that you might psychologically damage a child because of the gender of person you find attractive!! Couldn't agree more.

However, to play devils advocate because I can't stand unfair arguments: there are a lot of things one doesn't discuss at work (or dinner parties) because they might cause controversy. Politics for example!

Wishtobewell am I allowed to call myself deviant!?

VelvetCushion Posters have not ganged up on her.The fact that ebony has had numerous posts deleted says that she has been posting vile hatred.
People can give an opinion.
They cannot spew homophobic hatred though.
Nothing to do with being a left or right wing liberal.
Majority just really hate homophobia.
Saying deviant sexual behaviour when talking about homosexuality, is homophobia and it's good to see so many posters pull a poster up on it.

ebony well the indication that many of your posts have been deleted should have been when you saw your name and then saw this under it Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
That should probably have given you a clue.

*it is wrong to set up a child in a deviant sexual relationship and promote this relationship as the norm.
As I have already explained, I have family members who are homosexual and have had biological children (who still suffer tje psychological consequence) and also have family members who have been fostered and adopted with homosexual promiscuous behaviour as a contributing factor to them being removed from their mother.

Well being gay is a norm now?
Qhat, a gay couple who had biological children??
So because you have family members who were psychologically scarred ( by apparently being bought up in a gay couple) then this will happen for all kids being bought up with gay parents?
As for you other promiscuous family member having her kids taken off her, being gay wasn't anything to do with it

I don't even know where to start with how you wouldn't let a black couple in a white area have a ehite child and vice versa.
Are you against it no matter what though really?
It's not a stupid analogy using race verses homosexuality.
Years ago both were discriminated against ( and still are).

Given that ebony has stated her personal experance stems from the 80's I think it's best to be mindful that the 80's were very very different for gay people in a fair few places than they are now, at least I hope there are not many places left where things in that respect are still the same

Indeed. As a gay foster carer in a rural community my experience is that times have changed. Kids are happy to introduce friends to us, and we're not exactly in a liberal metropolis ( East Fife!)

My DD1 has several openly gay students in her year and she is openly bi. It is not an issue. DD2 has a handful if gay students in her year and two who are trans and in treatment. Again no issues. The world is changing for the better. One bad family experience 35 years ago is not a valid basis on which to form sweeping generalisations.

I was just thinking in the 80's my uncles front door used to get set alight routinely, he would get verbally and physically abused in the street often called a peado and lots of people thought AIDS was the fault of gay men, back then as a openly gay man in a very long term relationship his life was hell, would I send a child to live in that situation? No way.

But these days it's just normal we hopefully don't have a backdrop of comunity behaviour like that or if we do its dealt with, nowadays gay parents are just routine and normal parents and there is no reason why children shouldn't live in normal safe caring homes.

Homosexual sex was illegal in England until 1967 and in Scotland until 1980.... And even then with restrictions. I was unaware about the date in Scotland. Very shocking!!

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_LGBT_history_in_Britain

I'm interested that a child would become psychologically damaged by being brought up by two people who presumably love each other enough to commit themselves to each other in a long term relationship. How does that work?

Oh, 1982 in N Ireland.

Maryz

Yup, just read the entire chronology with jaw on ground!

Also:

Adoption and Children Act 2002 comes into force, allowing unmarried and same-sex couples to adopt children for the first time.

Only in 2002!!! The rate of change in society is pleasingly astonishing!

Same-sex sexual activity was decriminalised in 1993 in Ireland

Thankfully most of us are now more inclusive and less ignorant than some people on this thread

And, without lapsing into self-congratulation, Ireland made gay marriage legal on the back of a referendum in 2015 to amend the Constitution (62% of the population voted for), making it probably one of the shorter national transitions between a shamefully late decriminalisation of same-sex sex and legalising same-sex marriage.

And this coming May the Children and Family Relationships Act comes into force in Ireland, meaning that gay couples can jointly adopt children and step-children and have parental rights via assisted reproduction.

I entirely agree about some of the sentiments on this thread.

Sorry to be childish but this comment way upthread really made me snigger outloud (SOL?)

She/her has not used any homophobic language. Ok she said deviant which is over the top

OK so no homophobic language except for the outrageously homophobic language.

Adopting DS has made me much more realistic about what we need to look for in successful adoptive parents:

1 - resilience in the face of very slow progress;
2 - acceptance of your childs behaviour in the light of their past experiences;
3 - empathy to understand and explain to said child why they were adopted and present it in a way which they can engage with without either eulogising their birth parents nor demonising them;
4 - parents with emotional and practical support networks;
5 - flexible parents who can change their parenting techniques if it isn't working for their child;
6 - pig-headed parents who can stick to their guns whilst hearing "oh all children do that".

What type of genitals they have and who they choose to have sex with probably not so important whilst understanding that another "difference" to deal with can be a step too far for some children but that should be assessed on a case by case basis.

My auntie and her wife have adopted a little boy who has a very rough start to life.

I'm sure he is much happier in a stable home being spoilt rotten with his various holidays to not care he has two mummies.

I do know some people don't approve as the boy wanted his nails painted one day and it was a sign they were "turning him gay" at one point.

The child is 4!