Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think people who rather a child stay in care than be adopted by gays

275 replies

Catvsworld · 13/03/2016 20:34

Aibu to think people who would rather a child stay in foster care rather than be adopted by gays have real issues are there hatred of gays is more important than a child's well being

Following on from this idiot judge to was quite rightly removed for allowing his personal feeling on gay adoption rather than applying the law

Listing to the bbc London and so many people Felt a child was better off in care

As an adopter myself this is not a issue of gay vs straight couple it's a issue of gay vs a life in care with many moves

And tbh if straight parents were that fab the children wouldn't be in care all the children we fostered came from straight parents

I just wonder if these people could aculoy look a child in the face and say there is a gay couple who wants you but I think it best yu stay in care for your natrual born Shock with a straight face

Also they don't factor in for some children who have been abused by say men two women would be ideal for that child ect

OP posts:
GlitteryShoes · 13/03/2016 22:09

As a foster carer can I just say that lots of children do grow up in care with love and permanence? Many children are deemed unadoptable and they don't rot in care, they live in families like ours. Children deemed to be adoptable are never, in my experience ever placed in care homes.

Secondly, I disagree with the reasons given above for gay carers being better. I find that children who have been abused by men do really well when they have a positive male role model/ carer. Similarly, while no one can replaced a loved mother it's not a reason to be placed with male carers. Carers should be matched not because of sexuality but because they are the right fit for a child, be they straight, gay, single etc. I am lucky to be in an LA that has a very diverse range of carers, and that's great for children..from what I see its things like sporty carers being matched with active children for example that's more important than other factors.

That magistrate is clearly a twunt.

zaryiah · 13/03/2016 22:09

Ebony Do you think children living in group homes is 'natural' then?

I also wonder if you have any knowledge of outcomes for children who remain in care for long periods. Well, let me tell you, statistically these children have; poorer physical health, poorer mental health, poorer education attainment and commit higher levels of crime than their peers who are in long-term placements or living with birth parents.

TeenAndTween · 13/03/2016 22:10

Ebony If you have first hand experience and still have your views then I take back my kind hearted assumption that your views are held out of ignorance.

My views on your opinions are now distinctly less generous towards you.

Children from care need so much from their adoptive families. The sexuality of the parent(s) is way, way, way down the list of priorities.

EbonyDanny · 13/03/2016 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

zaryiah · 13/03/2016 22:14

"Deviant behaviour"??? Christ on a bike.

EbonyDanny · 13/03/2016 22:15

Christ on a bike indeed.

DementedUnicorn · 13/03/2016 22:16

What a crock of hateful, bigoted, homophobic shite Ebony

peaz1 · 13/03/2016 22:16

I've had this conversation with my fil before. He says no way- gay couples should not adopt. (Note he didn't say gay people- he doesn't think single people should adopt, regardless of sexual orientation.) I had an ex who was brought up in a home and had an awful life. It was horrible and I believe it made him the arsehole he was. Not that every child in homes turn out that way but if a gay couple had wanted to adopt him, and give him a better life- who are we, who live that better life, to deny him that?

This conversation annoyed me- how can he say what is right or wrong for a child who deserves to be in a loving home?

It's none of our business if a gay person/couple wants to adopt.

TeenAndTween · 13/03/2016 22:16

Children these days are placed in family homes with foster carers, not in children's homes.
For some children adoption is not appropriate or not possible, they get their permanence from long term foster carers.

It is children for whom adoption is the plan, but for whom no adopters have yet been identified who are in a state on 'non permanence'. Turning down otherwise 'ideal' adopters purely because they are gay seems madness to me.

BIWI · 13/03/2016 22:16

It. is. not. deviant. behaviour.

UmbongoUnchained · 13/03/2016 22:16

What exactly is it you think that gay people will do so differently to a straight couple? Or a single person? Or a different race?

ghostyslovesheep · 13/03/2016 22:16

it's not deviant just because you say it is deary - now jog on (and watch out for dogs)

Pandora2016 · 13/03/2016 22:16

Who or what is this 'nature' you're talking about?

God? A mother goddess? What?

Ebony, you ARE a religious person.

You think that 'nature' has a plan. That it makes decisions.

You think that nature can 'think' and make moral judgements.

Stop playing the victim and stand behind your convictions.

zaryiah · 13/03/2016 22:17

Fortunately, we have legislation that protects bigots from discriminating based on ethnicity, sexual orientation and gender etc.

pilpiloni · 13/03/2016 22:17

By that notion, people using IVF are going against nature and it should not be allowed.

In fact, all modern medicine is also going against nature since we are really meant to die in far greater numbers and far earlier than we do.

Sorry, it is a stupid and bigoted opinion with no empirical evidence that children do any worse with homosexual parents

peaz1 · 13/03/2016 22:18

It's not against nature, because nature produces gay people as well as straight people.

I like that. I'm going to use it the next time I hear that 'it's not natural'. Such a simple comeback!

GlitteryShoes · 13/03/2016 22:18

Zaryiah,
I think you are confusing your points to some extent. Children who are adoptable ( under 8 with no significant problems) will generally have better outcomes than children who are older with known problems. Most of the difficulties faced by children in the care system are dome between birth - 3 years and are related to poor attachment which damages the brain. It's not really fair to compare adopted and non adopted children in the care system as they are not equal cohorts.

BIWI · 13/03/2016 22:19

And no, I cannot and will not accept your opinion.

My son is gay. He is a lovely, caring, respectful and hard working young man. What on earth would be wrong with him adopting a child? He isn't going to be able to 'make' one of his own, seeing as he's gay and all that malarkey.

Why on earth would he not make a good father?

zaryiah · 13/03/2016 22:19

Teen There are still foster homes around. I know they are never first line options but many end up in them, particularly troubled teens.

Elmersnewfriend · 13/03/2016 22:20

Well I'd rather my kids turned out to be gay rather than an ignorant homophobic wanker like you Ebony b

TheSinkingFeeling · 13/03/2016 22:20

The difficulty with accepting your opinion is that it is bullshit, based on no empirical evidence (although I imagine a very old book might have something to do with it). It also has a greatly adverse effect on people who are just living their lives as normal human beings. It would also stop kids from receiving much needed love from gay couples too.

zaryiah · 13/03/2016 22:20

Glittery my point still stands, even if my thinking is wonky, that all children deserve to be in permanent homes and that we should strive for the very best.

GlitteryShoes · 13/03/2016 22:24

As a foster carer for a long time, I haven't really come across children for whom adopters can't be found. When it happens it's usually for obvious reasons - clear difficulties and no support package being offered. The reality is that lots of children ARE being placed with gay adopters - and the research is positive. Children who have been abused or abandoned by their parents are in an 'unnatural' situation - why would gay people adopting them be any different to straight or single people taking on a child to whom they have no biological connection?

WishToBeWell · 13/03/2016 22:25

EbonyDanny Sun 13-Mar-16 22:13:04

'I am firmly on this planet thank you. Homosexuality is a deviant behaviour whether you like it or not.' Assertion of 'FACT' (whether we 'like' it or not)

'But hey....mine is just one opinion, as is yours. I accept yours, can you accept mine??' Asserting previous assertion was an 'opinion'.

So thick as shit as well as nasty and bigoted.

Be a love Ebony and just do one?

EbonyDanny · 13/03/2016 22:25

I can't pretend to understand any of your views on this but I am willing and open to learn.
You all seem to think that I am against gays which I am not at all but I do feel strongly about this subject (adoption).
Pandora if you do not know nature go look outside...it is everywhere and pre-dates any God.