My dad is making me look wealthier than I am (long)

[dazedandconfused17]

I know my diamond shoes are too tight and in the big scheme of things I'm incredibly lucky.

When I was 22 I inherited a house and some land from my grandparents. It came to me as my mother had died when I was little. It isn't Blenheim Palace or anything, but it had been in her family since 1693 and parts of it date back to the 12th century. My DF thought at the time I should sell it, as while it is gorgeous, it has always been a lot of work to maintain etc. In the end (after a couple of years of faff), DH (then DP) and I decided to move in and try and keep the place going.

We're now in our late thirties and it's still here. It's been a rough ride, but so far we have kept the place standing and our family going. It has, however, been really financially tough, especially the last couple of years, due to a bunch of unexpected expenses, specifically massive issues with the roof. Last year in a real pinch, DH borrowed £2000 from a friend to cover vets bills for our dog. At the time, he was meant to be starting a new contract (he works freelance to help support the family) and thought he'd be able to pay back in a couple of months. The job fell through at the last minute and we've not been able to repay on time. Currently I'm paying it off at a rate of £400 per month, which is very hard (we have zero spare income at all right now) but it is getting done.

The friend in question has been, quite reasonably, annoyed with us and said she was only able to spare the money for a couple of months and needs it all back. Last time I saw her she had a massive rant about how we clearly could afford to as the kids went skiing after Christmas and we have a nearly new car.

The thing is this comes from my dad. He has always said that he won't loan us money (which is fair) and he doesn't want us to rely on him as we're grown ups, but does like to sometimes give random gifts. So, for example, he and my stepmum took the kids away, along with my half brothers (who are both much younger than me - closer to my kids age) for a skiing holiday. We could never afford it. And when he wanted to get a new car last year, he gave us his old one, which was a decent three year old VW Passat (I know! I know!). But this is all coming together to make us look super rich - we live in a huge house (even if currently we can't heat it) and we have a nice car and the kids go skiing and she is getting really angry that we're drawing out the repayments.

DH is working, but only part time as a postman as he hasn't been able to get a new contact like the one that fell through. I am working, part time out of the home and part time on our business which is meant to get the place a bit more profitable and a bit less of a drain. I did try and explain that we don't have money, just a gift from my dad, and she said that if he could afford to give us a nearly new car, he could definitely afford to give us the money we need to repay her.

Is she being U? I am pretty certain that DF won't loan me the money if I ask, and if he does he'll be really unhappy about it, even though he can afford it. Is he being U? Should I ask anyway?

We have tried to get a bank loan, but after a bunch of financial hiccups last year they pretty much laughed in our face at the suggestion of an unsecured personal loan and we can't take a loan through the business and spend it on a personal debt, I don't think. Loan should be paid off start of May, but it's just getting there.

I have no issue with you living in an expensive-to-maintain historical property, I totally get that.

But I do think it was a big mistake to borrow money from a friend. And given that DH's employment wasn't guaranteed, it was most unwise.

Personally, I couldn't leave a friend in the lurch like that, I would go cap in hand to your dad and transfer the repayments to him. If that fails sell the car & get a cheaper one.

The simple fact is that the OP and her DH do not have the sorts of jobs that can fund the maintenance of a house this big and this old, even without a mortgage to pay. Living in a house like this requires you to be able to tap into a large nest egg of cash at short notice, or at least be able to raise it from the bank with relative ease, and they can do neither. Just because the house and land came free doesn't make it free to run and maintain, and it doesn't sound as if it can generate enough money to pay for ongoing maintenance and renovation by itself.

It has to go. Unless the OP can get a fantastic business plan together of how the outbuildings and land can be used to generate income but without knowing more about where it is that's pretty difficult to advise on and still won't solve her immediate predicament.

I know of someone with a similar house position. They've been approached by a few wedding companies to use the land for weddings. So they come pitch a tent (big marquee type not 2 man vango). The family would literally do nothing, just count the money.

If you've got the access without it disturbing you I'd certainly look at that.
Another person I know has stables, they do nothing and lease it. Someone else just rents space to local garages at £50 per week for 5 cars it adds up.

lealander husband promised to pay back in 2 months. Assuming they stick to the repayments it will take six months altogether. So 3 times the promised amount of time.

Why should her dad help?

Her and her h are grown ups.
He shouldn't have to subsidise two adults

Is there anything in the house that you could sell? Antiques? Paintings? Or could you sell a field?

The point Bloody, is that the OP does not have the income to deal with any unexpected bills at all. That is an unrealistic way to live unless you are extremely poor.

Once the renovations are finished, it can be used for weddings (with a marquee), they could do airbnb, they could set up a glamping site. There's multiple ways of generating income from an old property that they can't tap into now.

The real problem is not the house so much as the fact that DH doesn't have a proper FT job.

Exactly, mellojello.

Friend knew full well that their finances were precarious and repay date was very vague and contingent on things outside OP control. (A new contract).

Friend took a chance, OP is being honorable and gifts between family, that happen to occur when debt is being repaid, are irrelevant.

Selling possessions only makes sense if there is no other hope of repayment. Not to speed it up by a mere 8 weeks.

I say this as someone who adamantly does not buy things on credit and even paid off mortgage early. I don't like debt but the OP is not being dishonorable. Friend is a bit of an ass to dun them. Let it be a learning experience for her too.

Lealander, the question is whether the friend should expect her loan back on time. Isn't it?

Definitely don't sell the house!

However, I don't understand why you haven't told her the truth about your situation - that these things are gifts and you're not paying for them? Any friend would surely understand that.

I don't think you should have to reject gifts from your DF just because your friend thinks it means you have more money than you do. I would explain he paid for all of those things, so she knows you aren't funding any of it. To anyone else, it's none of their business.

It wasn't a good idea to borrow the money from a friend in the first place, but as you're in this situation now, you will have to find a way to pay it back as quickly as possible to her.

Likewise though, I don't think you should lend money if you're that desperate for it to be paid back. So your friend was unwise to lend this if she was unable to accept any hiccoughs, which invariably do happen when you lend people money. She has to take some responsibility for an unwise decision here. I generally don't lend money unless I can deal with it not being paid back in a worse case scenario.

Can you get a mortgage on the property to pay off the loan, or rent out the property and generate enough income to rent a small property yourself?

If not, sell the car and get an old banger.

Go back to work full time etc.

You can't have it all ways. If you can't afford the house, your debts etc, then you either need to get more money or require less money. I don't think asking for loans from your DF is a good idea, as it's only going to solve this problem temporarily. You need to think about the long term.

They've been approached by a few wedding companies to use the land for weddings. So they come pitch a tent (big marquee type not 2 man vango)

Exactly. The house is simply used as a backdrop, the wedding is in the marquee.

Could you rent out any of the rooms on airbnb?

And it is on time per the OP's promise. The husband failed. So the OP shouldn't let her kids go skiing?

I don't recall the OP asking for advice about the house. Just whether friend's attitude toward family windfalls was justified.

Utterly ridiculous to suggest selling off land or property to fund an £800 debt. Give your heads a wobble.

It's £800 NOW.

What about the next time an unexpected bill happens? The roof caves in? The boiler goes boom? The place floods?

Simple fact is, they cannot afford the house

But if the friend knew that the situation was not reliable then the husband would know even more. Which means that he was asking for money from a friend that he knew he may not be able to repay. And when the friend says "I can lend it for two months but will need it back then" he said that was fine.

Which makes him look pretty unpleasant and dishonourable.

Why shouldn't the OP have to sell a car or other possessions to pay back a loan on time? The load is being paid back 5 months late. That is a long time for most people and may be causing her friend considerable financial hardship.

It's hardly a "simple fact" and anyone who thinks so is the simpleton. We have no details about the location, value etc of property or myriad other factors.

Tell the friend your dad paid for the kids to go skiing and he gave you his old car - you plan is to run it into the ground as you can't afford one - so she knows you aren't taking the piss. Better yet if you have a plan and can tell her how and when she'll get her money back. You know what it is to feel short of money - I'm sure you'd hate your friend to be in a similar position because of a loan she'd made to you.

What about a 0% interest credit card to fund other spending this month to release funds to pay back friend & then pay off the c/c? What about small lending firns like www.zopa.com which afair don't charge outrageous lending rates?

And owning a house - and particularly an old one - is a complete money-pit. You are going to have to get some dosh behind you for the next lot of urgent repairs - don't kid yourself there won't be!

They've been approached by a few wedding companies to use the land for weddings. So they come pitch a tent (big marquee type not 2 man vango)

Exactly. The house is simply used as a backdrop, the wedding is in the marquee.

That is brilliant Twinkle

And what about getting planning permission to use any woodland as a woodland burial site?

It's not just to pay off an £800 debt bloodyplantagenets. It's to give them a cushion. They are living a lifestyle that requires one, because with this sort of home, there's always the possibility of a big bill being just around the corner. They were apparently ticking along fine until they hit the 'massive issues' but one has to factor in these things cropping up fairly regularly. Owning any house means you have to factor in maintenance costs, and while these obviously aren't spread evenly, if you can only meet your outgoings in a year when you don't have to do any work on the place, you're likely to run into trouble sooner or later. This would be just as true if it were a two up two down and they'd no money to fix a boiler or roof emergency, except of course the sums here will be larger. But the principle is the same. If they're staying, and obviously that's a decision that needs to be carefully considered because of the commitment involved, they need to put themselves on a footing so if any other issues come up, they can take care of them themselves. If that means selling off a few of the 70 acres, it might turn out to be a decent tradeoff.

Is the land suitable to be used to build a paintballing venue or to rent it to motocross clubs?

I can actually understand where the OP's father is coming from. He is happy to pay for treats, but thinks that the OP and her partner should be able to pay their day-to-day expenses themselves. He is treating them like independent adults.

bibbity

The number of ignorant posts from posters who hadn't read the OP or subsequent posts were annoying me too.

OP explained that the house is difficult to rent out, and a few posts later, someone suggests renting oit the house

I also agree that effectively OP and DH have p/t jobs.