My dad is making me look wealthier than I am (long)

[dazedandconfused17]

I know my diamond shoes are too tight and in the big scheme of things I'm incredibly lucky.

When I was 22 I inherited a house and some land from my grandparents. It came to me as my mother had died when I was little. It isn't Blenheim Palace or anything, but it had been in her family since 1693 and parts of it date back to the 12th century. My DF thought at the time I should sell it, as while it is gorgeous, it has always been a lot of work to maintain etc. In the end (after a couple of years of faff), DH (then DP) and I decided to move in and try and keep the place going.

We're now in our late thirties and it's still here. It's been a rough ride, but so far we have kept the place standing and our family going. It has, however, been really financially tough, especially the last couple of years, due to a bunch of unexpected expenses, specifically massive issues with the roof. Last year in a real pinch, DH borrowed £2000 from a friend to cover vets bills for our dog. At the time, he was meant to be starting a new contract (he works freelance to help support the family) and thought he'd be able to pay back in a couple of months. The job fell through at the last minute and we've not been able to repay on time. Currently I'm paying it off at a rate of £400 per month, which is very hard (we have zero spare income at all right now) but it is getting done.

The friend in question has been, quite reasonably, annoyed with us and said she was only able to spare the money for a couple of months and needs it all back. Last time I saw her she had a massive rant about how we clearly could afford to as the kids went skiing after Christmas and we have a nearly new car.

The thing is this comes from my dad. He has always said that he won't loan us money (which is fair) and he doesn't want us to rely on him as we're grown ups, but does like to sometimes give random gifts. So, for example, he and my stepmum took the kids away, along with my half brothers (who are both much younger than me - closer to my kids age) for a skiing holiday. We could never afford it. And when he wanted to get a new car last year, he gave us his old one, which was a decent three year old VW Passat (I know! I know!). But this is all coming together to make us look super rich - we live in a huge house (even if currently we can't heat it) and we have a nice car and the kids go skiing and she is getting really angry that we're drawing out the repayments.

DH is working, but only part time as a postman as he hasn't been able to get a new contact like the one that fell through. I am working, part time out of the home and part time on our business which is meant to get the place a bit more profitable and a bit less of a drain. I did try and explain that we don't have money, just a gift from my dad, and she said that if he could afford to give us a nearly new car, he could definitely afford to give us the money we need to repay her.

Is she being U? I am pretty certain that DF won't loan me the money if I ask, and if he does he'll be really unhappy about it, even though he can afford it. Is he being U? Should I ask anyway?

We have tried to get a bank loan, but after a bunch of financial hiccups last year they pretty much laughed in our face at the suggestion of an unsecured personal loan and we can't take a loan through the business and spend it on a personal debt, I don't think. Loan should be paid off start of May, but it's just getting there.

But the house is a red herring. If the OP had written. "We've had a period of low income/high expenses and had to borrow from a friend due to dog emergency. Now friend is annoyed we are letting GPs treat kids to an expensive holiday" would there be so many pearl-clutchers?
The house has zero bearing on the fundamental question in the OP.

Ok then, working part time in a job that generates an income.

She has been paying her way apart from some big unforeseen expenses over the past 2 years. when will people rtft?

I wouldn't sell the house either, what is the point on selling when things could be on the verge of an upturn? Especially with so. much sentiment.

Id do some research on other ways to make money from the house. Diy horse livery on the land? Could be £30-50 a week per horse? Apart from maintenance costs its relatively low cost for you. You could even put it in the contract that the livery is responsible for maintening the land ie ragworting/poopicking.

Id also consider weddings depending what the house is like. If its safe and picturesque and sufficient space for people to bring caterers in you could get a few grand per wedding.

How much land do you have? Possibly arrange events on the land which are minimal outlay for you but will make the. land earn you some? What about beekeeping courses? Its a bit obscure but i recon there would be interest.

Good luck op. Hopefully you dh will be able to find something soon to put you back on your feet.

In respect of the friend do you have an arranged overdraft or could you get one? Yes it will cost you but your friend will have her money back.

Booboostwo - we can't use it for weddings etc now. Not until the renovations are finished. Once those are finished, then everything eases up. We're currently not living in the cottages because the income for those are paying for the renovations. They were renovated to be a business. They are also kinda tiny - one has a living room/kitchen and a gallery for a bed (so basically one huge room), one is one bedroom with a sofa bed. I think we'd need to live in both and I don't think that would be financially sensible right now. They were originally one old barn that got converted into two cottages so they could be holiday lets.

I think people also think the house is slightly bigger and more dramatic than it is. It isn't a castle - it maybe could be used for filming? I don't think it would work as a B&B (and definitely not right now). Definitely not conferences - not that big.

Re: the friend - DH originally said he would pay her back "as soon as the next contract comes through, should be in a couple of months". In the end, it will have taken an additional four months, which is awful, I know. But as soon as I was told I made up a repayment plan and have stuck to it.

If it's a family heirloom house, why isn't your dad helping to maintain it?

I think you should ask your dad to repay the loan. He might not like it, but he is presumably just going to be grumpy about it, whereas it sounds like your friendship might not survive this.

I actually think that your friend is being U - £400 per month seems like a completely reasonable repayment rate for a loan of £2,000 and creditors do take on risk when they give a loan. If they understood that you were hard up enough to need this cash, it's not a massive stretch to understand that you're having trouble repaying. However, you're not really in a position to complain - just be honest and clear about the situation and try to weather their pissed-off-ness.

More broadly, I hope you're being realistic about your financial position. It's great that you're trying to make some money out of the house, but I'd give yourself a time limit to make this work. It's not going to be great for your mental health and family life if you are pouring all your money and time resources into this property.

Why is the house a red herring? They are broke because of the house . If they lived in a 3 bed semi on an estate they wouldn't be so badly off (is the implication from the op).

I think you will work through this, OP, you sound pretty resourceful. I agree that a log book loan is the way to go here, shocking though the interest rates are. And the filming sounds good. Is there money to be made in photoshoots too? Camping this summer?

Lealender - The point is OP has borrowed from a friend and not paid back in the timescale agreed. And the OP does have other choices such as selling her car.

In similar threads where the OP does not own a house, it is common to advise the OP to sell things on ebay. So the OP is not being treated differently.

It sounds like you'll get there.

It's £2000 that she can't actually repay that's the issue. She's on her uppers; and when the next (inevitable) bill rolls in she's going to go even deeper into the mire.
The whole op is based around how everything would be fine if only her Dad would continue to bankroll her family living in this ridiculous money pit. Why should anybody?

Thank you everyone for all the advice. I'm going to have to get off the computer now as I've got some other things to do. If I don't reply for a while, it isn't that I'm not reading. I just am away from the computer.

Frankly though, you can't afford the dog.

OP what were the original terms? Are you late getting the money back to friend or as you said at 13:27 paying it back at the rate you said you would?

Sounds like your friend should be angry with your husband if anyone and your family's gifts to you have zero to do with that.

I actually think that your friend is being U - £400 per month seems like a completely reasonable repayment rate for a loan of £2,000 and creditors do take on risk when they give a loan.

The op had to draw up a repayment plan after the dh failed to repay it on time and at no point has the op mentioned paying any interest. That's why loan agencies take on the risk. It isn't out of the goodness of their hearts, unlike the op's friend.

Utterly ridiculous to suggest selling off land or property to fund an £800 debt. Give your heads a wobble.

Op, have you actually asked your dad for a loan?

70 Acres is an enormous amount of land. You could sell half of that and still have too much for an activity centre/glamping etc.

Could you get permission for a building on the land to be converted to residential
and sell a house and 20 acres - would be worth millions? Then you'd have enough to set up camping pods, activity centre etc.

Bibbity it doesn't matter why they are broke. They could be broke because they had a child with special needs and the question of whether or not friend should be angry over them enjoying father's gifts would be the same. Not sure why this is so difficult for people to understand.

The dog has died, theycallmemellojello.

i really feel for you OP
to be saddled with a money pit like this, which is expensive to maintain and doesn't generate the farming income like it would have done in the old days is very difficult.
and i also understand why you don't feel it's really your's to sell as it is family property/trust etc..

You aren't the only one in this position, there are many old properties going to ruin due to these issues. Have you contacted the national trust or similar who could put you in touch with someone who has seen these issues and could help? Don't try and solve this yourself, look how this has been resolved in other parts of the country and see what ideas/suggestions you can use.

Personally i think the other family members should help you with the costs. work out what you think is fair for you to contribute considering you live in it and then talk to the others. Perhaps you could sign over a proportion of the property value to them? Do you want to saddle your own kids with this? i would want to spread the risk/cost around a bit.

good luck
sounds like you have the friend's payments under control, but yes i would tell your dad how much you're struggling and ask for help. You didn't ask for this house, or buy it, you inherited it and are now lumbered with it and understandably you don't feel you can sell it (which i get).

The op had to draw up a repayment plan after the dh failed to repay it on time and at no point has the op mentioned paying any interest. That's why loan agencies take on the risk. It isn't out of the goodness of their hearts, unlike the op's friend.

True, but the friend presumably knew that they couldn't get a bank loan, and was told in terms that repayment was contingent on the DH's contract coming through. I think that gives the friend a reasonable understanding of the riskiness of the loan.

Utterly ridiculous to suggest selling off land or property to fund an £800 debt. Give your heads a wobble.

People are advising the op to consider her unsustainable lifestyle. Not just to sort out this one debt.

Ah - missed that, imperial.

Not going to help in the short term, but have you thought about putting the land down as a meadow? You might be able to get some funding for it. You would be able to get it baled and sold (so long as its good, ragwort-free grass). You could also rent the land out for a couple of months after you've got your cut of hay for sheep to graze. It would be great for wildlife. And you can also get great meadow mixes with plenty of flowers for your bees.

70 acres is a huge amount of land. Is it pasture? Could you rent it as equestrian grazing/sheep (decent grazing is highly sought after around here). Car boot sale location? Tents? Marquee location?Could you sell or lease some of the land through a land agent to a farmer? My friend has a farm and let's people store their caravans, horseboxes and vintage cars/motorbikes there in the barns (do you have any?). Charges £1 a day and has at least 40 vehicles throughout the year. There are ways of making money through your land without selling, it's finding the right thing. Good luck!