to think there's nothing wrong with being teetotal?

[ShowOfHands]

DH and I don't drink. We're not evangelical or derisive of people who do. I just never started and DH used to as a teen but gave it up 17yrs ago.

DH is on a stag weekend right now and the majority of men there are completely indifferent with regards to who drinks what and why. A couple of them however, seemed to mishear DH when he said he was teetotal and presumably, what they heard is "I'm from Planet Zog and I will actually be dipping my tumescent cock in my beverage and sucking it up that way". You'd think so anyway from their ashen faces, incredulity and on two occasions, the downright refusal to buy him "a bloody coke" and then proceeding to plonk a pint in front of him instead.

They keep going on about how it's like having a maiden aunt along and last night one of them threatened to spike his drink.

Ironically, their insistence that DH needs "a good stuff drink inside them" (yeah I could psychoanalyse the shit out of that tbh) is 673% duller than DH not imbibing their alcoholic offerings in the first place.

On a slightly serious note - I know, it's AIBU and not home of the serious - DH is quite sensitive and I know it makes him feel like he doesn't belong. The groom and most of the other blokes don't care but I know DH and I know he'll come home and play the comments over in his head. And that's ridiculous. It's bullying.

Why does this still happen?

Limited - read the rest of the post and I explain.

Hi OP. I didn't want to imply that your DH would be spoiling things. From your earlier post it's clear that the stag is the type DH enjoys with a good mix of activities. Drink / don't drink - it makes no difference. Or it shouldn't.

I was just trying to think of those few occasions when it might be an issue. Certainly not for DH and me or our friends nowadays. But back in the day, in our 20s when the whole point of the night was to get tipsy and silly and put the world to rights. Then it would have made a difference.

OP, your DH and mine sound very similar. My DH is teetotal by choice, not for health or religious reasons. He just doesn't like alcohol so doesn't drink it! He is in the RAF, and the social side of the job involves copious amounts of alcohol. The other guys always take the piss because he is teetotal! He shrugs it off now, but it really used to bother him, to the point where he wouldn't socialise with them!
I am not a big drinker - I have on or two drinks a few times a year, usually at Christmas or if there is a family party. Every time I have more than 3 drinks, I end up being sick, and don't see the point in going out and spending money on drinks that will just be puked back up in a few hours!

I drink and enjoy the taste of wine, G&T etc. But I end up drinking more than I would like due to social pressure. I also work in a middle-aged man dominated job. I wanted to give up alcohol for Lent but I was genuinely worried that people would think I was pregnant and therefore it would damage my reputation/career (wrong on a number of levels, I know). At any work-related event, binge drinking is standard. "Client event" = getting boozed. Most of the partners look absolutely terrible and like they're going to have a heart attack any minute. There's a definite refusal to admit/talk about how much damage alcohol does to the public health, especially "middle-class" social drinking.

I don't alcohol. I don't like the taste. Simple
If I make people feel bad about themselves , that's their problem.

Drink

Hi showofhands (had two out of three DC drop like flies with a bug hence not catching up on this thread!)

I wonder how many children of alcoholics don't drink, to protect them selves.

I get excluded as I don't drink especially at work my department don't invite me out on end of term do's as they're out on the lash and I don't drink, so I don't have to say no!

Apart from I like going out, I don't mind drinking soft drinks or being 'des' - I have been thrown out of many establishments sober, I can be a cock without an excuse!

My il's are lovely but haven't had the history I have, (neither of my parents minded me not drinking - my stepmother would never offer me a drink, she drinks my DH drinks - I don't)

Sorry gone rambly and OT but there should be a better term for a non-drinker (So I don't have to explain my like story to be allowed a Coke or a J20!!)

I stopped drinking in the week after Christmas, just because I felt I was drinking a lot bit too much.

DH has refused to engage with this. Every single evening he tries to persuade me to have a drink & then blames me for the fact he has had to drink a whole bottle of wine because I haven't had any. I'm still enjoying a drink at the weekends.

Pret sandwiches were so nice though (I don't work near one nowadays, which is probably just as well.)

There's one next door to my office Annie. If it's raining, I don't even get wet because we share a canopy.

My favourite is the chicken Caesar thing with mayonnaise and crispy bacon on a soft wholemeal ciabatta. I think it's £3.50 or £3.99. Maybe even £4.50

It's really nice but after about 30 minutes I feel bloated and farty and I wouldn't say I suffer from food intolerances like some people do. You know when you undo your trousers and think that's cured it and then realise that your gut has just expanded and you're not going to get the zip done up again?

It's really not good to be next to me in the afternoons after one of those.

The only one I can reliably eat is their cheapest - the tuna mayonnaise baguette with cucumber - which is nice, but I can knock up a tuna sandwich for even cheaper .

I wanted to give up alcohol for Lent but I was genuinely worried that people would think I was pregnant and therefore it would damage my reputation/career (wrong on a number of levels, I know).

I can see your problem and sympathise. Giving it up for Lent is as good a kick start as any but I'd probably prefer to say dieting or getting better sleep because you can carry it on.

But you don't have to make excuses. Just saying: 'I'll have a Coke' is fine. If you really do have to fake it, ask for a gin and tonic and then get the bar man to give you a tonic or a mineral water with a slice of lemon. No one else will notice.

I don't know what job you do. I'm in journalism, which was hard-drinking, but not so much any more.

Lots of people I know are in AA and when they say that, no one argues with them. I know the point of AA is that you don't have to say, but when people do, it's respected because it's a hard thing to admit. Harder than having an alcoholic drink just because everyone else is.

Being a recovering alcoholic is seen as a sign of strength. That's fucked up in itself. You should be able to ask for an orange juice or a double whisky without judgement either way.

I don't drink. I never have. Both of my parents were alcoholics and I don't want to take the risk. I can't have a multipack bag of crisps in the cupboard because I will eat all of them so I'm not willing to take the chance.

The only twice in my life I have drank alcohol is because a twatty know-it-all has decided my life would be better with alcohol in it. One "friend" when I was 20 and a work colleague when I was 27. The friend was ditched and the colleague got a slap (because he let me drive my car after it and go home to BF my baby and he still thought it was funny).

I laugh at the funny things that drunk people find funny, I sing on karaoke or do the chicken dance - people miss nothing from me being sober, yet some of them just simply cannot handle it.

For quite a few years I pretended, firstly, that I did drink. It worked as the place my friends and I mostly socialised in my neighbour worked behind the bar. He used to give us a few quid off a round, or an extra drink, because he fancied my best friend. He also used to give me my lemonade that pretended to be vodka lemonade in the right glass to carry it off. Then I realised that that was frankly ridiculous so I stopped (I also realised the bulk of the issue was my so called friends).

Then when my epilepsy meds changed I said I wasn't allowed. How the tone changed! All of a sudden everyone was super supportive. They stopped "forgetting" that I had ordered plain coke instead of vodka coke and the 'just have one' brigade all stopped. However I got sick of the pitying looks and distanced myself from the friends.

Funnily enough people were usually delighted by the fact I was teetotal when it meant I took my car and end up dropping them all off saving the taxi fare.

This year I did dry Jan, which drew gasps of horror from my work colleagues and comments like 'oh you won't last' and 'have a drink life's too short'. I'm not a big drinker and we don't socialise much in Jan so it wasn't really a big deal for me but somehow it was a huge deal for everyone else

The most vocal and perplexed by me not drinking were the ones that drink too much. I suspect this is something to do with them not feeling validated.

DH has refused to engage with this. Every single evening he tries to persuade me to have a drink & then blames me for the fact he has had to drink a whole bottle of wine because I haven't had any.

We both know it's not your fault PestilentialCat. I guess you've told him he can put the cork back.

I drink on special occasions only, mainly as i hate the sensation of being drunk. I also get people who cant understand that, and have had people spike my drink to "loosen me up" and trust me, I dont need alcohol to do that having been accused of being worse than the drunks. My brothers still refuse to listen and constantly buy us alcohol as presents, which we just regift to others

I'm not a child of alcoholics, but my ex boyfriend was a closet alcoholic who got violent and abusive afterwards. I also used to work in a nightclub and saw the after affects of alcohol on many people, both of these were enough to put me off getting drunk for life if I wasnt already a very limited drinker.

limited absolutely. Teenage DS thinks he's being a twat too.

I can't have a multipack bag of crisps in the cupboard because I will eat all of them so I'm not willing to take the chance.

DH is like this. It's really fucking annoying. Our cupboards are bare of snacks because he will eat them all and then say he can't help himself and blame me for tempting him. So if I fancy a peanut butter sandwich or a couple of scoops of ice cream, or just want to offer someone a biscuit with their tea, I can't. It's not that I'm not considering his weakness, it's that he's not considering me because I'll open the jar and it won't be there, and he'll smile sheepishly.

I've bought biscuits as a present for work tomorrow and I've had to say: 'Do not touch them. He won't. But if they weren't gone by tomorrow, he would. It's not funny.

I love him and he loves me but it's seriously fucking annoying when people cannot control their addictions. It's not just confined to alcohol. A chocolate addiction is somehow given a free pass.

limitedperiodonly you know that's not what I was saying but I'm glad you got to pretend you get the high ground. Given you don't know what my culture is (you are so far in your guesses it's laughable) I'm not sure you can make assumptions however yes I am sure alcoholism/abuse exists in every country and culture. That's not what I was saying though. My point is more that at parties and the like, it is frowned upon much more to get wasted than it is in the UK. That ok?

I didn't try to guess your culture theclick or occupy the high ground. You were the one who brought up your culture. I disapprove of such willy-waving about the relative merits of cultural background. It's not helpful or informative.

But since you brought it up, all cultures frown upon addictions of all types - not just alcohol.

I said that in some cultures that frown on public alcohol abuse, alcohol abuse is hidden or excused. My own included. I think that's true.

I'm willing to gamble that that occurs in whatever culture you come from and that people in your culture who have a problem with alcohol abuse it secretly and arguably more damagingly.

BTW gambling is an addiction that's widely frowned upon but which is also prevalent, destructive and excused. It can be enjoyable, though I don't get the thrill. Gambling is popular in some non-drinking cultures.

This is a predominantly UK-based site and no one has said it is okay to get wasted on alcohol.

That's nice that you disapprove, I'm sure everyone needs to now bow down to that on this open forum in which I thought we were all permitted an opinion.

My mention of culture wasn't to preach its merits - it was just to add to the discussion. But thanks for asking for clarification.

You're entitled to your opinion. So am I. One of my opinions is that talk of one culture being superior to another is nonsense.

"If one person is sitting there po-faced then it could spoil the fun for everyone else."

I don't understand this attitude. Why would you assume that if someone isn't drinking (through choice) they would be "po-faced"?
Not everyone needs alcohol to be able to enjoy themselves, dance, have a laugh etc.

I'm laughing at the assumption that people who don't drink have to stop themselves from having an alcoholic drink.....like it takes masses of self control to go to the bar and order a soft drink.

It doesn't take any effort or self control for me to order a soda n lime or a sparkling water, I choose them because I enjoy them and no I wouldn't secretly prefer a gin instead.

As mentioned my brother is an alcoholic and he just won't believe that I'm not drawing up super human levels of self control to stay away from the bottle. That's so sad, that's the level of control that alcohol has on his life.

I'm laughing at the assumption that people who don't drink have to stop themselves from having an alcoholic drink.....like it takes masses of self control to go to the bar and order a soft drink.

Me too DurhamDurham

Tuna baguette used to be my favourite, limited ! I did have a soft spot for the chicken caesar too, but it tended to collapse on the desk in squishy blobs. As for feeling bloated, I confess that bloated is my natural state anyway . Did someone mention chocolate addiction...? Not that I'd finish DS4's last biscuit or anything disgusting like that. (Wish he'd extend the same courtesy when it comes to finishing off the milk )

XH used to pour me a large over-strong Bacardi and Coke, once my favourite tipple, most often when he was trying to persuade me not to leave him. I suspect he was trying to make me drunk and irrational so that he could more easily reduce me to tears, as FIL used to do to MIL. I'd say no thanks and he'd pull the "but it'll be wasted if you don't drink it" line. I'd say don't pour it without asking, then, and he'd wander off muttering. I can be terrible 'ard.

Re the terrible struggle to stay away from booze, I had a nice slug of port earlier from the bottle DS2 and 3 brought with them at Christmas. There's still a bit left which I might finish off tomorrow or maybe next weekend. Or not. It keeps.

I'm not drinking much at present for mental health reasons and find it's made clearer who I do / don't enjoy spending time with. Went out recently, everyone else was drinking and it was fun, good conversations etc.; with another group I know it was stressful, probably it always was but didn't seem quite so bad when was drinking!

social stuff here almost always seems to involve a lot of alcohol. Perhaps the sporty types drink less, unfortunately am not sporty!