to think there's nothing wrong with being teetotal?

[ShowOfHands]

DH and I don't drink. We're not evangelical or derisive of people who do. I just never started and DH used to as a teen but gave it up 17yrs ago.

DH is on a stag weekend right now and the majority of men there are completely indifferent with regards to who drinks what and why. A couple of them however, seemed to mishear DH when he said he was teetotal and presumably, what they heard is "I'm from Planet Zog and I will actually be dipping my tumescent cock in my beverage and sucking it up that way". You'd think so anyway from their ashen faces, incredulity and on two occasions, the downright refusal to buy him "a bloody coke" and then proceeding to plonk a pint in front of him instead.

They keep going on about how it's like having a maiden aunt along and last night one of them threatened to spike his drink.

Ironically, their insistence that DH needs "a good stuff drink inside them" (yeah I could psychoanalyse the shit out of that tbh) is 673% duller than DH not imbibing their alcoholic offerings in the first place.

On a slightly serious note - I know, it's AIBU and not home of the serious - DH is quite sensitive and I know it makes him feel like he doesn't belong. The groom and most of the other blokes don't care but I know DH and I know he'll come home and play the comments over in his head. And that's ridiculous. It's bullying.

Why does this still happen?

The word is certainly dreadfully misused. Banter, like humour, is only funny when you're all in on it. The rest of the time it's crass at best and bullying at worst.

Feel bad for your Dh. You would hope people were maturing out of this. Drinking had gone more extreme but I am heartened that more young people are teetotal. A quick Google came up with one in five adults now identify as teetotal.

I am a cultural / lapsed Methodist so I do drink but disapprove of myself! I have had great times with non drinking friends but awful times with crappy drunks. Same with drugs, it's the ones with issues that are determined to get everyone else doing what they are doing.

Rapunzel - congratulations on your sobriety. Yes, I can relate to your post - I trained with a big accountancy firm in London and the mantra was "we work hard and play hard" which translated into very long hours and an absolute requirement to get utterly pissed and incapable several times a week. Residential courses were especially awful, as were off-site audits where you stayed away for a week at a time. It sounds pathetic now but at 21 the peer pressure was immense and, if you had the alcoholic gene, it spiralled out of control (for me) even after I left.

I became teetotal at 17 for a couple of reasons. I learnt to drive and preferred being able to control when I arrived/left somewhere more than having a drink and, personally, believe there should be a zero limit when driving. Secondly, I'd 'got over' the teenage getting drunk phase and never actually liked the taste of alcohol so stopped. I am more than happy to be the designated driver, doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I have come across far more pressure to have a drink than to take drugs. I still went to the pub to meet friends (quite dodgy pubs!) and for a while I worked in one. It was easy to get hold of drugs. If I was approached and said no, end of conversation. But it was common to get a Mrs Doyle approach to having a drink - go on, go on, go on, etc.

Did/do I consider it bullying? No. But a sad reflection on those people who appeared to only be able to enjoy themselves with drink.

Alcohol is an acceptable drug. At times, so have cocaine and heroin been acceptable. Alcohol won't be made illegal because it spectacularly failed during prohibition in the USA. Governments make too much money from it. Presumably, that outweighs cost to the NHS, police force, families, charities, etc. that alcohol problems can cause.

Rapunzel, well done. You're doing brilliantly.

This thread has cheered me no end. It's good to have my faith in humanity restored.

I don't think it's the groom's job to have a word tbh. He's having a good time, as is DH. It really was just two people and their strange agenda. DH has just moved away from them and changed the subject.

redcheck - I like tea but don't like coffee. Can you imagine someone going on and on and on and on and on at me to have a coffee? People questioning with intrusive medical questions about why I wasn't drinking coffee? People demanding I justify why I didn't have a coffee in front of me? Asking why I went into Starbucks to have a cup of tea? Putting a latte in front of me and insisting that I drank it?

Can you imagine a group standing around an embarrassed and humiliated woman chanting, 'coffee, coffee, coffee...'?

If you allow me to prefer tea, could you allow me not to drink?

One of the DC made the decision very early in life to be teetotal. XH nearly caused an incident at a wedding by tricking him into trying a Bucks Fizz which he said was orange and then sneering at him for getting upset. Fortunately I was on hand to tell XH sotto voce not to be so damned silly, and calmed DC down.

As I've said to DS, he's unlikely to suffer any ill effects from moderate consumption of alcohol, but he's guaranteed to suffer no ill effects at all from not consuming any.

Actually, I do have a drink now and again but I totally get that some people prefer to avoid alcohol. The worst pressure to drink I ever had was from someone who want to get me so drunk that I couldn't resist sex.

I never offer up explanations as to why I don't drink alcohol when people ask now.

I must be pregnant of course? On medication? Not even at Christmas? Etc etc......
Even when I used to drink a little people couldn't understand that I hated wine (because all women love wine obvs)

I haven't drunk for years, everyone around me knows this, yet i still got a bottle of wine and a bottle of prosecco for xmas!

Then I tell people I don't drink tea or coffee

Oh, and the other thing people just can't get over is that I don't drink tea or coffee either.

I actively dislike coffee, and am meh about tea.

There is still a whole world of drinks out there (and no, I don't just drink fizzy drinks!)

People are really weird when you don't instantly conform to socially accepted norms.

Op I really relate to this - I don't drink any more (both my parents were alcoholics, my mum died due to sclerosis of the liver, and my dad died of pancreatic cancer) they were both lovely, high functioning but both alcoholic.

I don't drink because I'm too good at it I can drink loads and still be very sober, I have a stressful job I could easily start drinking at night.

I have three boy I want to be here for them, I also don't drink tea and coffee (will drink tea if situation means I have to!)

I have to explain this to every person who offers me a drink! YANBU by making a choice , mil offered me 7 different drinks at XMAS (I haven't drunk for 9 years) and been with DH for 14 so it's not new news!!

Threatening to spike his drink is terrible. My son is allergic to alcohol and just one drink of any sort of alcohol causes him agonising pain.

I get as much 'weird' looks when I say I don't like fizzy drinks! I basically drink rooibos, water and the occasional juice. And no, I'm not particularly healthy I just don't like them.

Oh yes, my dc don't like fizzy drinks.

The looks I get at parties etc! They are welcome to try giving them fizzy drinks, but none of them like he sensation on tongue/in throat.

People go on and on about that too, like I am denying them any kind of a normal upbringing.

I don't drink fizzy drinks either. Or coffee. And only earl grey tea. Otherwise, I drink herbal or fruit teas or water most of the time.

Dexter, my Dad was high functioning too. He was "lucky" because he never liked drinking but was self medicating for bipolar. Once we fought for that to be diagnosed, he didn't need alcohol. Without appropriate intervention 15yrs ago, he wouldn't be here. His health is poor but he's dry and here.

Sounds like you've made sound decisions based on a very tough background. I'm so sorry about your parents.

I don't think this is a teetotal issue but a twats on a stag party issue. I'm almost teetotal and its never a problem - I guess it depends who you hang out with.

Two of my four DC are teetotal. They are at Uni and one is seriously into clubbing and music but chooses not to drink. He doesn't drink because he doesn't like it rather than for health reasons or because he disapproves. It's not been an issue for him or his brother at all. It makes for cheap nights. I think it's become a lot more acceptable to be teatotal. Quite a few of my Uni age DCs friends don't drink.

Maybe it's a problem with the word 'teetotal'. Some people see it as a moral judgement on their habits.

Perhaps it's easier to say: 'I don't drink' or 'I don't want a drink.'

I drink alcohol but sometimes I don't. If so, I'll ask for a glass of still water because I don't like soft drinks. No one seems to have a problem with that, though sometimes people try to tempt me with an exotic Orangina because they think water isn't special enough.

I find the worst offenders aren't alcohol pushers but people who pout when I turn down their organic elderflower and ginger infusion.

If I wanted a glass of perfume I'd ask for it.

Ooh Fizzy drinks. Poor old DD gets hassle for this. She's 11 this month and doesn't do fizzy - none of it, not even sparkling water. She just doesn't like the sensation of the bubbles (for eg she likes Coke flavoured sweets).

She gets SO much grief for it - from her mates that are constantly pushing her to 'have a Coke' and calling her weird/freak or telling her she's 'such a baby'. But also from parents - I always tell them if she is on a play date or sleepover etc "DD is a great eater, she'll have whatever you've got, but doesn't do fizzy stuff so it's water/squash/juice if that's ok" and find out later that they've ordered cokes, or told her that "it's ok, it's a treat" (as if I've just banned them), even had one parent tell her that she HAD to drink an Orangina because she'd bought them especially .

It really bloody irritates me.

I always say no thank you or I don't drink. Don't actually describe myself as teetotal but I do feel it's a loaded term.

I don't have any friends who behave like these blokes but as others have found, through work or circumstance, you do encounter these people.

I'm heartened to hear it's easier at uni now. 15 years ago it really wasn't pleasant at times. I was spiked twice (noticed immediately).

I get what you mean. I'm not teetotal but I certainly don't need a drink to have a good time, so when I stop at two drinks in a night (and that's probably all I end up having in a month) people are like - but why, when you can have 10?!

To be honest in my culture it's much more accepted to not drink/only have a few drinks. In fact it's the other way around - you're not meant to get completely off your face!

I'm sometimes a bit uncertain when people ask me if I want a drink. I've said: 'I'd love a glass of Sauvignon Blanc' only to find out they're offering tea or coffee and have mentally filed me away under 'Raging Alcoholic'.

I've learned to say: 'Ooh! What have you got?'

Perhaps to avoid confusion it's better to say 'I do or don't drink alcohol', rather than saying: 'I don't drink.' Everyone drinks.

I have had the - you must drink when out as well.

I am actually allergic to alcohol. If I eat it or drink it I vomit and pass out. I've even has seizures. Some people seem to think as I am Scottish I can't possibly be allergic.

I was at a friends wedding a few years ago and the bride's father who I didn't know tried to insist that I have a drink. I said no I was allergic. He kept going on even mentioned it in his speech.

I had been drinking sparking apple juice from a champagne glass and would tell the server when they came to fill it up I wasn't drinking. After the meal the bride's father came up and apologised for being a dick and gave me a glass and told me it was the apple juice. I drank it , it was champagne.

Within 5 minutes I started vomiting and had a seizure on the dance floor. the bride's father thought it was funny.

I now refuse any drink I haven't order myself.

Why wouldn't you have one or two?

Is "because I don't want to" not a good enough reason?

I was teetotal for 3 years recently. You are right. It is more socially acceptable to talk about your crack habit than the fact you choose not to drink.

DW is teetotal and I don't drink if she is with me - it is just easier that way. Nobody has ever said a word about it.

It was not always so. Her teetotalism began at her hen do, not that we called them that then. She and a few friends and colleagues went out, and when she got home, least said soonest mentioned