to think there's nothing wrong with being teetotal?

[ShowOfHands]

DH and I don't drink. We're not evangelical or derisive of people who do. I just never started and DH used to as a teen but gave it up 17yrs ago.

DH is on a stag weekend right now and the majority of men there are completely indifferent with regards to who drinks what and why. A couple of them however, seemed to mishear DH when he said he was teetotal and presumably, what they heard is "I'm from Planet Zog and I will actually be dipping my tumescent cock in my beverage and sucking it up that way". You'd think so anyway from their ashen faces, incredulity and on two occasions, the downright refusal to buy him "a bloody coke" and then proceeding to plonk a pint in front of him instead.

They keep going on about how it's like having a maiden aunt along and last night one of them threatened to spike his drink.

Ironically, their insistence that DH needs "a good stuff drink inside them" (yeah I could psychoanalyse the shit out of that tbh) is 673% duller than DH not imbibing their alcoholic offerings in the first place.

On a slightly serious note - I know, it's AIBU and not home of the serious - DH is quite sensitive and I know it makes him feel like he doesn't belong. The groom and most of the other blokes don't care but I know DH and I know he'll come home and play the comments over in his head. And that's ridiculous. It's bullying.

Why does this still happen?

Yes to bullying and rude behaviour. I've experienced it myself, mainly from work colleagues to whom I don't want to have to explain that I'm a recovering alcoholic and "just one, go on - it won't hurt you" most definitely will hurt me. In my experience those who exert the most pressure on others to drink are a) fairly boring and have little conversation or personality without drink and b) probably concerned about their own drinking habits and therefore the notion that someone can go out and not drink makes them uncomfortable. OK, sweeping statements and generalisation but I have encountered these situations a lot and used to be hyper sensitive about it. These days I have zero qualms about asking for a pot of tea in a pub (not that keen on soft drinks) and if they don't have a kettle or are too busy, fine.

I don't drink because I don't like the taste of alcohol, not because I'm uptight, not because I have control issues. I used to drink and it makes me feel awful the next day, even if I have only had a little. It just doesn't seem worth the effort since it tastes horrible and makes me ill.

I can make an idiot of myself sober, I don't need the lubrication

I have had all the usual coercive tactics: nagging, bullying, accusations of being boring or uptight, attempted spiking. Funnily enough the naggers are always delighted to discover that sober, boring me has a car with me at the end of the night.

I have no sense of smell, so I've always wondered if that is why I can only taste the alcohol and not the subtle flavours. Either way I can't be arsed forcing it.

It's a long standing issue

As far back as the early medieval period, continental observers spoke with horror about the Anglo-Saxons and their hopeless drunkenness (indeed many English soldiers got drunk on the eve of the Battle of Hastings)

Written by Ed West.

The fact that people find it odd that others don't drink is what is actually odd.

I don't see a problem with people wanting to feel in control and not wanting to let go, think of all the mistakes, scrapes and accidents alcohol has caused. Not forgetting long term health implications. I remember one of our students being in intensive care because he fell off a roof after a drinking session dare went wrong and two of our students died on a night out.

Baby when I add alcohol to gravy and sauces I always put enough in so you can taste it.

I do confess I posted without RTFT and I now have read the thread and seen I'm only the second person who thinks it's a bit odd... 
*
Redcheck* but what's odd?

The fact someone doesn't like the taste of something ....... I don't like asparagus, but don't get this level of grief about it from anyone?
Or that they "just don't" drink alcohol with no suitable justification to random strangers?

To me, the only thing that is "odd" is that someone doesn't appreciate that another someone can, controversial I know, have a different opinion on something. Most things in life you can have different opinions on, and you know what, the sky won't fall in.

And for the record, I'm not teetotal, love a good drink from time to time, not drinking so much at the moment mainly as I'm trying to lose weight. But why should that be OK but "just because" is odd?

Yorksha, you should try having a birthday on New Years Eve. People combust with confusion.

RedCheck, so it's okay if you don't like the taste? What about if you don't like the feeling? Or it gives you a headache? Or slight stomach ache? Or you simply just prefer the taste of other drinks? Take a step back and think about what you're implying. I think you should do something you don't want to do because I want you to do it and will assume untrue, unfounded and unkind things about you if you don't. Really?

I don't mind the taste of alcohol. In my youth I drank far too much - vodka was my drink of choice, but I liked cocktails/alcopops and the odd shooter.

Now I don't drink - because I don't want to. No other reason. I'd rather have a coffee.

Redcheck. What is the difference between me sitting next to you with a vodka and Coke in my hand, or just a Coke? Would you even be able to tell the difference?

I blame being a young mum. I had a drink after I had my baby and realised pregnancy had lowered my alcohol tolerance. I didn't bother much with alcohol since. Who wants to be half drunk or hungover when in chare of a child? I have the odd drink here and there since.

I don't socialise as I once did either so don't get the social pressure. I note those that bully over alcohol are likely functioning alcoholics.

It's a weird attitude. I drink alcohol but I never understood the attitude that those who don't are 'strange' or something. The occasions when I don't drink when I'm in the pub or at dinner, I'm immediately asked if I'm ill. No, I just fancied an orange juice with my dinner instead of wine!

Well, I like the taste of alcohol, but I don't mind admitting I don't like being out of control. I can always stop at a glass of white wine with dinner, cold beer on a hot day, Baileys at New Year. People then push you to actually get drunk, which I don't enjoy the sensation of.

I'm an introvert. I'm reserved. But I don't need to loosen up. I don't have 'issues' just a different personality.

ruining everyone else's good time" by not drinking. She then bought me a shot despite me telling her repeatedly that I didn't want one and when I wouldn't drink it

IL were like this with me and some of DH other light drinkers or teetotal friends - even the religious ones or ones from alcoholic families.

I'm a light drinker - do drink but chose when and it's usually not much and on social occasions.

Much more about them than me.

They were in a massive heavy drinking phase. They encourage DH to drink heavily from young age. They've dialled back now for a variety of reasons - not least pub crawl mentality changed in their area as so many pubs have closed. They drink much less and with that the pressure they exert on me and others to joining in has lessened and they don't try and force shots on people any more.

Yep, it doesn't matter what the reason is for choosing not to drink. The fact that someone doesn't want to should be enough for people to accept it.

People do this with other perceived 'treats', to a lesser extent, such as cake, but are far less likely to judge others for not wanting to partake.

Nothing seems to engender the confusion and angst that someone not wanting alcohol does, so I can only assume this comes from issues in the confused and angst-ridden, rather than the non-drinker.

I think unless you are an alcoholic then yeah there is something a little bit odd about being teetotal. It would make me think that you have very strong issues around control and self-control and I would wonder why you couldn't loosen up a little.

What a stupid thing to say!! Teetotal because you can't maintain control when you drink? I'd say it is the other way around...it's actually LOTS of people who drink who cannot maintain control over themselves, many drinkers have an innate inability to stop after two or three.

"Loosen up" ?? Because only drinking allows you to do that, right? How about the DV perpetrators who "loosen up" after drinking? Or the gob shites?

Needing to do what everyone else does indicates to me some deep rooted insecurities and over-concern with image and what other people think instead of being comfortable in your own skin with your own choices Yy!

Not to partake in a social norm does (to me!) indicate there are some deep seated issues around self control Why is it a "social norm" anyway? Again, as I said, to me, it isn't those who don't drink who have issues with control.

I don't drink. People who are drunk are pretty dull and lacking in interesting conversation, so I'm not surprised that they keep going on about it! I would put the word "banter" in Room 101. It usually means rude and unfunny.

If the contents of my glass are seriously impacting the enjoyment of the person next to me, I think I'm quite content to accept the problem lies with a warped societal expectation and I'll wear my Odd Hat with pride.

Are the "one won't kill you" and placing a drink in front of people a test? You drink it and are ok and get on with life or drink it and fall off the wagon and reveal you were an alcoholic all along and the bully gets a drinking partner?

Agreed Show!

I decided last year that my drinking had got a bit out of control. In my opinion not in a dangerous way (I wasn't getting absolutely sloshed every evening) but was getting through 4/5 bottles of wine a week. A couple of glasses most nights.

I was tired wasn't sleeping well skin was looking awful etc. So decided to stop. I did dry January. (Then had a wine after 23 days...) but since then haven't had much.

This year my box of empties (by the front door of our flat) hasnt yet been emptied. We've got through maybe 10 bottles of that this year at home. And if we go out I usually now have maybe 2 drinks then switch to softies.

But people don't get it. You allegedly can't have a good time without getting drunk. I went out last Friday after work with colleagues. I had to drive home so had a small wine & soda. Then lime and soda. I stayed out until 2 with them. Went dancing. Had a great time.

Dhs family are big drinkers. He isn't so much. It's bad form allegedly if you can't drink (ie can't get through 4 drinks an hour get absolutely off your face steaming and then suffer for the next day). I was called snobbish and boring when we went to a family wedding abroad. Because I went off did things during the day instead of sleeping off my hangover in the sun and then taking full advantage of the free bar.

When I was young and drinking to excess I used to hate going out with non drinkers and tipped into this kind of 'banter'. This was basically because of insecurity and I took people not wanting to drink as an a judgement on my own behaviour. Fortunately I've grown up a lot since then and have stopped this twattish behaviour. Sorry your dhs 'friends' haven't grown up too.

My DH stopped drinking around 2 years ago and finds it particularly difficult at work events when his boss makes statements like "are you still carrying on with that bollocks or are you going to have a drink tonight and stop being so fucking boring". Delightful man. Apparently various people at work now just assume that DH must have had a drinking problem because why else would you stop! He hasn't made a big deal out if not drinking at all - it's the people around him that have, and I just don't get it.

Threatening to spike a drink is
Whoever said that to your dh has issues.
The groom should have a quiet word with that guy.

I was teetotal for four years while ttc / pregnant / breastfeeding and a combination of two. People found it really difficult to grasp. Usually the ones who go out and have no control over their alcohol intake and create drama. Annoyed me no end when one cancelled our groups taxi at one am after making the decision she wanted to stay out drunk longer. And throwing up. And we couldnt get another taxi for two hours

I am a recovering alcoholic (over one year dry now).

I tell people that I had a problem with drink and then they leave it alone. Most people are very supportive and impressed. And a few people have said it prompted them to think about their own drinking habits.

On a serious note, this trying to force people to drink way more than they should is part of the reason I ended up ill. Peer pressure and working in a male heavy drinking culture helped create the perfect storm for me.

I believe alcohol is one of the biggest dangers facing us all today. It ruins lives. I could easily be dead, mad or in prison by now.

These "go on have a drink" folk are trying to cover up their own problem.

They do sound childish but then I think men always are when in a big group, they all want to be the alpha male.
They shouldn't refuse to buy him a coke, its his lifestyle choice not to drink and that should be respected.

It's not just men. I do drink but occasionally stop. My then boss, another woman, took the team outfit drinks and was buying cocktails so I asked for a non alcoholic one. She said she wasn't buying that shit so I ended up just getting my own.

It's Brit cultcha, innit

But it's not right and there's nothing wrong with not drinking

I don't really drink.

I'm not teetotal, and occasionally enjoy the odd drink, but generally I can take or leave it. I often offer to be a driver, as I genuinely don't mind whether I drink or not.

There are various reasons for me not drinking, but I'm not sure they are relevant to anyone who can't get their head around me making a valid beverage choice.

I've had all sorts of pressure over the years, from university (where I was at one point thankful to end up ill and in medication which meant I couldn't drink, as at least then people accepted my 'no thanks, I'll have a Coke' and didn't badger me about it - how fucked up is that?!) to now. The only times I've been left alone with my choice other than when I was ill is when I have been pregnant/breastfeeding. But even then, as I fed my dc until 18 months/2 years ish I used to get twatish responses along the lines of 'are you still feeding that baby?! Can't you have a night off?' etc because people do really find it hard to cope with someone not wanting an alcoholic drink.

It is baffling to me. I don't ridicule/belittle/override their drinks choices, why can't they accept mine?

I do t sit there judging, and I'm not po-faced about other people getting drunk. I join in with the fun, have a laugh as much as anyone, but generally do it while drinking soft drinks. My choice. Doesn't affect anyone else, so no idea why everyone has such an issue with it.