to think this might be a child protection/safe guarding issue?

[thickgit]

There's a nursery close by to me. Today, they were playing outside. I very clearly saw male nursery worker laying on his back on the ground, leaning up a bit on his elbows. One girl was laying on her front, on him. Another girl was laying on him, more on his chest.
It looked inappropriate to me so I immediately called nursery and told manager to go outside and see. She was more interested in knowing who I was.

I called back ten minutes later to give her my number. She wanted my name. I wouldn't give it. She was very defensive about the scenario and just wanted to know if I would feel the same if it was a woman. I explained that I've worked in nurseries and would not let children lay on me like this. She said other workers were out there, so she had no issue with it.
What are your thoughts?

Well you don't need to agree with the majority op, you just need to do what you think is right.

YABU. I once read an article about extra curricular (as it were) duties of police officers. One male officer spent time at a nursery in an area of high deprivation. The nursery had a large amount of children from single parent families - and the children had virtually no positive male role models. He described how he would lie on the floor and the boys and girls would crawl over him and lie on him and feel the stubble on his face. He and nursery staff felt that this interaction was hugely important to model positive relations with men.

Hi Kali

Here are some examples of sensible posts:

"No, it's not a safeguarding issue."
"It sounds innocent, perhaps slightly over familiar but I wouldn't think it was a child protection issue!"
"I suspect this was a perfectly innocent outdoor play activity."
"If I arrived and saw the situation you described, it wouldn't worry me."
"OP - I really am one of the first posters to jump in and say when I think behaviour towards children is inappropriate - but this doesn't sound bad to me."

Here is just a fraction of the, erm, ridiculous posts:

"Maybe she wanted your details because someone had reported a strange person, staring at the nursery children and paying an unhealthy interest."
"People like you put men off going into jobs involving children."
"So the nursery worker was playing with the children and you immediately think paedophile?!"
"Safeguarding issue? Did he have his pants on?"
"Are men forbidden to touch children now?"
"You're an interfering busybody."
"Unidentified people making pointless and prejudice complaints."
"Is any close contact between male nursery worker and his charges automatically sexual?"
"Report concerns that what you'd seen was in some way... sexy?"
"Someone abusing children would be doing it out of sight."
"Men are able to be around children without making it sexual you know."
"This stinks of goady fuckery. If I'm wrong then the OP is nasty as fuck."
"Wow. Haven't you got a headache from that doom-alarm going off OP? It must exhaust you."
"He has a penis. Of course it's inappropriate. Better hope he's not gay hey."
"Clearly all men are perverts... if the OP is genuine?"
"All penis owners are evil and are NOT TO BE TRUSTED."
" He was there with other children and staff. if he had his knob out that would be different."
"Cunty thread to be honest."
"Not the old penis is like an unexploded bomb again."
"So you're worried, shock horror, that it's also a gay penis!? Faints."
"OMG!! Nursery nurses shouldn't actually play with children... Should they? Or does that only apply if they have a penis?"
"I used to lie on top of my dad as a child, no abuse going on. Amazing."

And the list goes on and on and.... on.

If I've read your comment correctly Thickgit and you are talking about me - I just wanted to clarify what I meant by my comment re the girls behaviour could be an indicator of things happening elsewhere.

I didn't think, or mean to imply that was what you thought was the case in this situation. There were many who were jumping to the defence of the male and I was merely trying to point out that it could be viewed in a different way.

I'm guessing that those with the level heads are those with knowledge, training and understanding and are seeing the bigger picture.

You did the right thing for you as I am sure you would not have rested unless you had acted. Time will tell if the Nursery take any action.

No no Gladys, I was agreeing with you and showing openly that I do. I really don't like posters poo-pooing people, especially when they know what they're talking about. I knew that what you said was going to get twisted so I thought I'd second your thoughts. I had to explain, ever so clearly, that that was not what I was thinking in this case, for all those that would have jumped on me. Hope I'm making sense :-)

So it was just coincidence that a few posters agree with you and you immediately say "finally some sensible posts"?

"Maybe she wanted your details because someone had reported a strange person, staring at the nursery children and paying an unhealthy interest."

I think this is a valid point.

No worries Thickgit! I think we are in the same page!

AIBU to think this might be a child protection/safe guarding issue?

Yes, YABU.

Why do people ask the question if they won't listen to the answer?

Kali. It goes without saying that I think the posts that agreed with me are sensible, but they were not the only sensible posts.
I'm not strange, I looked (or stared if you'd rather), and I certainly do not pay an unhealthy interest in children. However, I'm more than happy for you to believe these things.
I asked a question, I read all of the replies, and I come to my own decision. I make my own mind up. The posts helped me to do this, some more than others. Is there anywhere in the rules that say I have to go with the majority? Especially when the majority write posts like I quoted above.

I never stated you were strange, however you could have came across as strange to the manager.

Actually you have thanked posters for their sensible posts more than once,however they are the ones who agree with you.
Yes some people may have been a little ott, possibly because they have sons/partners who do this job, or are simply fed up of seeing the few blokes who do this job labelled as something for something innocent
it does also seem ( after several of your own posts) that you have issues of your own

Funny isn't it, how people can tell that someone they only 'know' from the internet have issues of their own, while they at the same time flame the OP for questioning what she was (with her own eyes) and reporting it..

mathanxiety i'm not the only one who thinks the op has issues, from her posts about 'clothed penis' etc

It is impossible to know without having been there, if there was an issue with this man or not. But I work in the sector and the manager's reaction was very wrong.

I've just read through the whole thread and I'm amazed by the amount of abuse op has been getting, and the amount of misreading that goes on.

No-one on this thread has said that all men are perverts, but the fact is that some men are! (okay, and some women are too)

It's true that most physical play between a child and a man is innocent and benefits the child; but the fact is that some such play amounts to grooming, and the child will be harmed in the long run.

A few of the posts have been calm and reasonable and seem to come from people who know what they're talking about - some agreeing with op, some not; so the rest of us, who don't know the ins and outs of nursery management, can only wish op Good Luck.

She has been accused of racism (on no grounds that I can see) and of homophobia (on even less grounds!), and now, of "having issues", whatever that means.

But seeing that large numbers of women and girls do get abused in various ways by men and boys - well, if we haven't got an issue with that, maybe we should have!

Damibasiamille. . Thank you for putting it so clearly. I've seen people on other threads get ripped to pieces and luckily I'm big enough and ugly enough to let it not bother me. In fact, a lot of the posts were laughable and many posters have made themselves look a little crazy and unhinged, so it's all good
I've been thinking over the weekend though. It's always intrigued me why people would troll. Now, if I had nothing better to do and wanted attention or some kind of weird boredom relief, this thread would have been perfect. What I'm trying to say is maybe some people post false stories because they know they will get ridiculous reactions, which are, almost entertaining. I'm probably making no sense, but I wonder if these over reacting posters feed trolls. Anyway, just a thought.
One thing that I now know is to expect people to not read the thread properly and to also come to all kinds of conclusions which then in turn seems to feed other posters, with it all ending up in a bit of a frenzy.

It occurs to me that there may be men who monitor Mumsnet for threads like this one and get in there to pooh-pooh mums' concerns and plug the male point of view.

Some of the posts here certainly sound like it.

Or AIBU ?

Its possible Dami. You don't really know who you're talking to online.

Oh of course, anyone who disagrees that it sounds dodgy is either plugging the male point of view, or is actually male. Right then.

def men trying to influence women on mn-nothing new about that tho!

Oh of course, anyone who disagrees that it sounds dodgy is either plugging the male point of view, or is actually male. Right then.

Predictable comment.

Or a predictable response to the usual stupid comments on here that always come up in long running discussions about men in childcare. It happens very regularly - posters have a discussion with mixed views (absolutely fine) then someone pops up and basically says those on the "male" side are either men, or brainwashed.

I tend to notice these types of threads, funnily enough.

Mumsnet despite its name is not a women's website, it is a parenting one. Men on here are not monitoring the site they are full members like you and me

I support men in childcare wanders off to check for brainwashing.

Well of course statisically you are aware of who every single person is who is posting here, and whether they are male or female aren't you. Oh wait, of course you have no idea, same as anyone else.....