To think you shouldn't take time off work for a deceased pet?

[ImogenTubbs]

Woman in my team (quite new, very young) went home at lunchtime yesterday because her family pet had been put down (it was old, she lives with her parents). She has now just said she wants to 'work from home' today because she is so upset.

I had a pet, so I get it, but AIBU to think this is not on, and unfair on the rest of the team?

Yanbu. I don't get it.

Well, you sound a bit hard-nosed TBH, Cru; it sounds as though you keep count of things people do and sympathy/favours you give them.

we have a 10 year old dog. I am 99.9% sure I will be grieving for longer than a day when she goes.. We have had her from 6 months and she has grown up with my babies.

If it's a dog and it's been in her life for ten to 15 years or more then I get why she would be devastated. I know my kids will be when our dog dies, even though they haven't lived full time with him for a couple of years now. He was part of their childhoods.

I'd allow it but it would need tp be taken as annual leave rather than a work from home day as she'd be unlikely to have a productive day if she's upset.

The posters that are saying they can't understand it have obviously never really loved their pets or just have not had a pet , either way they deserve our sympathy because they are the ones who have missed out .

On the fence here. Losing a much loved pet is heartbreaking but I can't imagine any of my male colleagues asking for a day off to cope. So if they can then I should be able to as well.

Of course some people get upset when an animal dies, but it's a pet fgs! I find it weird when people refer to animals as their children/sons/daughters etc and themselves as Mummy or Daddy.

Well I'm sorry but my IVF failed and my only pregnancy ended in a mc. I don't call myself mummy to my cat but she gives me something to fill my gap.
So sorry if this upsets you but she is very much not 'just a pet'.

To be honest I'd be more surprised if my employees didn't take a day or two if they lost a pet. Animals are a responsibility, and generally much adored by their owners, and I think it's only natural to take it hard when one dies.

Personally, I know I've always grieved the loss of my animals, and there is the practical side to consider as well. To be blunt, you can't tell a sick or injured animal to wait until Friday evening to die, and the logistics of vet trips, PTS and disposal (particularly with larger animals like the horses) need taking care of and can be more traumatic than the loss itself. Watching your horses body being winched onto the back of a lorry, or your dog struggle against the needle at the end, is frankly not conducive to a productive day at work.

I would however be very unimpressed if somebody was keeping 'score' of who else has had time off/sympathy, and for what. If somebody has a day off for their cat, you don't then raise eyebrows and start thinking they're taking the piss because their dad dies 6 months later and they need a couple of weeks.

All these people who think OP IBU: how would you feel if your operation got put off because your surgeon was grieving for his dog, or your barrister failed to turn up in court to represent you for the same reason?

if they were too messed up and upset to concentrate I'd not what them operating or defending me.

YABU.

Gruntledone - I'd far rather my operation be postponed than someone operate who was upset & grieving!

ALL grief is personal. Who is anyone to judge.

I don't want anyone crying into my surgical openings!

I can't imagine any of my male colleagues asking for a day off to cope.

Oh, I can. A couple of the blokes bring their dogs to work, and they are the worst offenders in the 'come here, come here pickle, who's daddy's best princess then?!' stakes.

Regarding the surgeon/barrister- they could need a day off for all manner of reasons. They might be hit by a bus on the way to work. There's probably systems in place to cover or rebook the op or court case. Would be a massive fail if there wasn't, really.

This is likely to be one off exceptional circumstances situation. Most people don't have much loved pets for every week. Being kind about it is surely what a sensible boss does.

I don't have a strong feeling about whether it needs to be paid leave or not-it depends what happens when other people have emergency days off (such as due to childcare failure or an ill child).

Someone said up thread that they pitied posters who didn't understand the need to take time off when a pet dies as they'd never loved a pet. I grew up with cats and remember crying in the loos at work when my Mum told me the cat had been put to sleep.

However, there's no way I could have asked to go home. It would have been met with blank incomprehension.

YABU
When I had my 18yr old cat put to sleep in October, my manager had me take the day off (paid, not as holiday) and was incredibly understanding on me working from home the week before and for a few weeks after. A pet is just as much of a family member, and I wish people would be a bit understanding of the fact that grief comes in all shapes and sizes.

how would you feel if your operation got put off because your surgeon was grieving for his dog, or your barrister failed to turn up in court to represent you for the same reason?

Relieved that someone who was distracted and probably snotty-nosed and sniffing wasn't going to be operating on me or representing me.

People are still missing the fact that she hasn't even taken a day off work! She's working from home!
I had a week off school when my cat went missing
Three days off when my hamster died, another three days a few days later when another hamster died
My cat is still alive at 14 years old. I've had plenty of boyfriends who've left and my (boy) cat has been the only one to stick around (obviously) I would be heart broken if I lost him and would most certainly take time off work

This is totally one of those threads that just makes me go "man British people are weird".

A little while ago there was a thread about someone who wanted their DH to give them a morning off looking after the kids, because they came home from their grandmother's wake drunk, exhausted, and overwhelmed with emotion.

The reaction from many, many people was "pull yourself together you wimp, the death of an old lady is hardly unexpected".

And now we have a whole thread where counselling and days off work is an appropriate response to the death of a dog or cat.

Coming from a culture full of BIG funerals featuring the world and his wife, it's just so strange. I'm all for compassion but as far as I can see the move to make mourning of humans as private as possible is doing society no favours at all. We should get human grief out in public and maybe that will make it easier on all mourners.

In this case, I think the girl should take a day from annual holiday. As an employer, given that she's new, I'd be watching to see this wasn't the start of chronic absenteeism and piss taking (because this is how it starts). I'd give the benefit of the doubt to begin with but I'd have that wary thought in the back of my mind.

FWIW, I was on the other side of the world when my mother rang to say my childhood dog had had to be put to sleep. I had 20 minutes to gather myself and deliver my presentation, and I did it and did it well.

I would expect similar levels of emotional resilience from a surgeon or barrister tbh and I don't think it would reflect well on them not to have that in such high pressure careers.

I suspect some posters will just think "well you DIDN'T REALLY LOVE that dog, obviously, you monster". And tell yourself that if you have to. But the reality is that actual surgeons don't take days off because their elderly cat got put to sleep. So either we're all incapable of real love, or there is some resilience and coping skills involved.

HoldMeCloser has put it much better than I did.