To think you shouldn't take time off work for a deceased pet?

[ImogenTubbs]

Woman in my team (quite new, very young) went home at lunchtime yesterday because her family pet had been put down (it was old, she lives with her parents). She has now just said she wants to 'work from home' today because she is so upset.

I had a pet, so I get it, but AIBU to think this is not on, and unfair on the rest of the team?

Each to their own.

Im not exactly a pet lover, but even I can understand after many years a pet becomes part of the family and its understandable the death of a pet can cause real sadness. I wouldn't be so meanminded as to judge somebody for being upset their pet has died, so many people feel they have the right to judge how upset someone should be over an incident they find painful.

She worked from home OP so she didn't take leave, did she? Hence was not "off work". YABU and insensitive, its not your business to judge in this way if employers agree then its their call, not yours.

YABU. Animals are a lot nicer than people, often.

However, animals are not actual people, are they? I mean, it's not the same at all as losing an actual person, which would maybe warrant in most places a few days off work at most. I'm sorry, but a cat or dog, however furry or however lovely their shits that they leave on the path are, is in no way comparable to a loss that would fall under compassionate leave.

Pirate that's really eloquent, you have hit the nail on the head. Work is work. Life is what you actually live and feel from day to day.

A year ago tomorrow my beloved dog died of a stupid mistake after an operation, he was 5. I had a lot of support from the Doghouse posters on Mumsnet, just as well as I completely lost it. I have lost both parents very young, and my best friend died the previous year, but I have never experienced loss like it in my life. It has impacted on every part of my life and our whole family. None of us could understand it. If someone had told me before he died that we would be like this I would have thought they were raving mad. Luckily I work from home, but I have been through every stage of deep depression, complicated grief, am unable to sleep (so been sleep deprived for well over a year including his illness), have been ill most of the time since he died, I could go on. I remember the day after he died reading a post on a pet bereavement forum about a woman who was still upset 3 months after her dog died and I thought please god don't let me be like her, how stupid etc. (I also thought please don't let me feel like this for 3 months but in fact it was going to be a lot lot longer).

My DD was then 11, she held our dog in her arms for over 3 hours after he died, and has slept with his blanket every night since, both DDs have had panic attacks and nightmares. Even our vet came round with flowers and cards, he wrote a letter to DDs about it, why he became a vet and how he had grieved for his animals etc.

So based on all this I thought right, lets find out why, why is this happening to us? Initially I used the Blue cross Pet bereavement service (brilliant). Then I spent months researching pet bereavement and read many articles from researchers including recent studies about how losing a pet affect us so badly because of their innocence, their trust and unselfish support they give to us, I read quotes on the death of (mostly) dogs from Aristotle, Shakespeare and Dickens, Roy Hattersley's account of his dog Buster and was moved to choking tears by Sue Perkins' "Letter to Pickle". And finally, I knew that mad as it was, I wasn't alone and that in fact, my feelings are normal. Destructive yes, but not madness, not some personal failing, but just pain and grief. I've planted a garden for him, made a memorial, am writing about him etc. To be honest I feel a bit sick sharing this with you lot as its very personal and so raw.

Just because you lack the empathy and insight to understand that other people feel differently to you OP doesn't make stuff unfair, but it does make you unreasonable. However if it makes you feel better about yourself then yes maybe she should take annual leave.

BurningBridges

When I got a phone call from the vets to say my bunny had died my boss told me to take a break and when I came back asked me if I needed to go home. I'm not sure what the point is here though - she's working from home so it's not compassionate and therefore presumably paid leave. Would it make a difference if she took an unpaid day? Bottom line is, she's not fit to be in work, would you be happier if she came in and snuffled all day?

I like to think if you treat people with respect and dignity at work then the work place becomes somewhere you would want to stay and provide a good days work.

Showing compassion to someone new and young may mean she puts a lot into her working life with this company.

I have only lost 1 per but we didn't have her long, thank god it was on my rota day off as both Dc and I was a mess.

Just realised that the OP took her biscuits and buggered off very early on in the thread. (Thank you Yesvember)

cruik well maybe to some people their pets ARE part of their family.
Some people don't have the perfect family or family at all.
Some have really shit friends or no friends.
Some people feel more for animals than humans, so what? Why is their grief for them not real?
I lost a pet last year, she wasn't a dog nor cat. I didn't stop crying atleast for over a week.
I will be devestated when my cat dies.more than anything. I have had some very bad years but have always had my cat.
Yes i have family but am not very close to them bar one relative now i have lost my parent.
Right now My dh and my cats are my little family.
burning so sorry. Had to have our little girl put down last year. Not a dog but still so upset over it x

BurningBridges

We lost two dogs in three years and I had to take a couple of days off work (as leave or flexi) on both occasions, not just to deal with the logistics and my own grief but also to support my mentally-disabled DH, for whom they were integral to his wellbeing and his routine. Fortunately on both occasions I had understanding bosses and colleagues.

My dogs might not have been "actual people" but with the exception of my DH and my DM, they were the living beings I was closest to. Yes I have other relatives I care about, yes I have a couple of close friends and others less close who I wouldn't want to lose, but they don't live in my house, they don't greet me every single morning and every time I return home, I don't have to think about their needs every single day, I don't go for a walk with them twice a day, they don't come on holiday with us, they don't give me daily companionship and loyalty and trust. My dogs did. They were the routine around which our household revolved, they were often the reason my DH got out of bed in the morning, and the house feels empty without them. In terms of actual daily impact on our lives, their deaths were more immediate than that of many relatives who we might see or speak to once every few months.

I can remember little of the tasks I was doing at work around the time our first dog died, four years ago. I can remember nearly everything about him and his personality, the beneficial effect he had on my DH, the lovely holidays the three of us had together. I can smile at the memories now but by God I've done my share of grieving to get here. You might not get that, and that's okay. It's okay not to feel like that yourself, or to be able to fully imagine what it would be like to feel like that. Just accept that some people do, and that they're no more wrong to do so than you are to feel the way you do.

BurningBridges, I'm so sorry for your experience.

When a company treats you like a human being rather than a robot, the staff tend to appreciate it. I've worked in companies where everything is done by the book and no allowances are given. It's shit. Where I work now (in Australia) things are done a little differently and I think it works well, each year you get ten Personal days which can be used to cover sickness, child care issues, emergencies etc. You don't have to give a reason. Hardly anyone takes the piss. Once your ten days is up, you have to take annual or unpaid leave. So pet bereavement would be no problem at all.

I once had a phone call from the vet when I was at work (in the UK), telling me my cat had died. My boss (although she was usually a bitch) sent me straight home when I burst into tears. I really appreciated it.

It all depends on what you want to get out of your employees. Quite frankly I don't care if someone on my team decides to sit on the moon. As long as their work is done and its don't to the highest standards I do not care.

We have a dog who I refer to as my PFB. I dread the day he passes. I worked from home the day after he had his first seizure. Everyone was fine with it. I do however get my work done when I work from home.

I'm sorry, I haven't replied more. I've clearly triggered painful memories for some people - that wasn't my intention, I'm so sorry.

For what it's worth, I told her to take as much time as she needed.

What's with this fucking animals aren't people thing?! My 5 month old son is in his crib beside me. My pooch is asleep on my husband's feet. So it's not like I haven't experienced love of all sorts. And I promise you if pooch died we would be absolutely absolutely crushed.

We've both been given leave when dog was tiny and very poorly. We have brilliant bosses.

We don't sit around thinking oh wow look at these two - our human baby so human so superior look look. And animal there so animal. If she dies me my husband and presumably our DS when he's older will need time to grieve

Actually sod it I'll go back to bed now that DS has finished nursing. Cannot imagine our beloved pooch not here - she was our first joint responsibility 1 the first time we got our act together and realised we may need to look after someone other than ourselves. We gave a family of four. We are four. So there

questions I totally hear where you are coming from. Our dog is currently sleeping next to DH with his paw over DHs shoulder. DH has his arm over him.

I had a dog who I classed as my best friend. He supported me through a horrible childhood with an alcoholic mother and other problems growing up. He was my reason to get out of bed and helped me make new friends and eventually get a career from it. He then came with me when I met DP and moved out of home, started work, made new friends etc etc. No matter what he was by my side for nearly 15 years.
I was devestated when he died, more so than when some people I know died, who is to say that isn't 'real?'

I now work with animals and some people literally have nothing else but their pets. Some people have been abandoned by family or widowed etc and have nothing else. Why shouldn't they be allowed to grieve too.

To be honest people are shit, pets are more loyal and reliable in my experience

BurningBridges

I agree with everything BurningBridges has said. 7 months ago we lost our precious Great Dane. She was 10.5 years old.

I have kids...but she was loved in the exact same way . She came to live with us at 8 weeks old and was a very much loved part of the family.

I admit that I utterly adored her.. ..and couldn't give a toss if anyone wants to sneer at it.

When she died I went to pieces. It was a good job it was August, as no way could I have coped at work -I am a teacher. We've experienced major loss before and this was no different. It still hits like a ton of bricks.

Someone mentioned earlier that they would not be sympathetic if a teacher were to take time off due to pet loss. Well would you rather that we were a gibbering wreck in the classroom, unable to teach your child? We teachers are human beings with emotions too!

Well for a start there's no reason to go into these comparisons. There is absolutely no good reason to compare bereavements. Never.

When my Poppet was pts, i was in bits. Cried (sobbed at my desk!!). It was awful. But i never had time off, i sort of needed to be with my friends especially my dearest work colleague who knew it was happening and the morning after took one look at my face and filled up too. Everyone is different. A little compassion goes a long way, pets are so important to people and she may also be dealing with her parents being terribly upset too. Cut her some slack and she'll remember that hopefully when you need extra help with something. The odd day off/from home is ok, if it turns into longer then that's different.

It is quite right this 'young' lady should request time of for a much beloved pet. Pet bereavement can be as devastating as losing a parent or close relative. She asked to work from home which is a reasonable adjustment and you and your team should care a nurture new staff in order that they want to stay with the firm and thrive not start knocking the confidence from her. Be an inspiring work colleague be positive an affirmative in all you do for yourself and others.

My dog, who was 17, had to be put to sleep. I went into work straight after, having cried the whole way in.

My boss took one look at me, asked what had happened, gave me a hug and told me to go home. So I did, and I cried all day.

Went back to work the next day. I never forgot his kindness.