AIBU to be angry with DH for reporting my DB for benefit fraud

[ninja1890]

Help first time post as I need some perspective please. My DH has confessed to me that he has recently reported my DB for benefit fraud.

We have both suspected for some time that this is the case as he is a single father and seems to have alot of excess income. Think haircuts, tattoos, new clothes weekly nights out etc. He has never worked and has just booked a holiday and is saving to get married to his new partner - they don't currently live together.

We don't have any proof but DH reasons that if we suspect we should report. I can't help feeling angry that he has done this. If my DB isn't defrauding the system he has nothing to worry about but it will probably result in a suspension of benefit and worry. Also I am worried about the implications for my DN etc

Many thanks for the balanced responses. I am going to speak to DH and suggest that he comes clean as I want to prepare DB. I'm not sure if I can forgive and I need to sleep on it. Needless to say I'm not looking forward to the fallout.

As for improving my own situation I have a 11 month DD and I have been unable to return to work as my wages did not cover childcare. I'm going to retrain when my MH is 100%

Without any form of proof that is a really shitty thing to do to a family member. Irrespective of his guilt or innocence I suspect they will not have a relationship going forward.

You not under obligation to explain yourself, to anyone, about your work situation. You do what works for you.

You don't have to explain yourself, ninja. And the costs of childcare are absolutely horrendous these days, if DH and I were planning our family now we would stop at one because of the cost.

I'm sorry this is going to cause discord between you and your DH, but YANBU to be angry with him, it's a real betrayal.

It's not even about having any proof.

He has done this without any indication at all not even slightly reasonable grounds for suspicion

Finallyfree

So, that works out as roughly £77 per week per child?

I don't imagine you're spending much of the children's benefits on haircuts, tattoos, nights out...

ninja, you're getting terrible advice on here from people who want to make a political point and don't care about what is best for your family.

Telling your DB will do no good except for causing a huge rift in your family.

Whether you'd report a friend or family member is really a philosophical issue.

In this case, your husband has taken action against one of your family members without consulting you, which is out of order.

I don't think it is terrible advice.

Since it happened to me I have drove myself demented thinking who it was. I have distanced myself from friends and neighbours.

I can see it from both sides, because the crackdown on benefit fraud is partly the reason that incapacity benefit (now ESA) is now so hard to get. It's been refused people who are terminally ill, suicidal, or so terribly disabled there's no possibility of them ever working. Over 2,000 people have died after being declared 'fit for work' since 2011. One disabled man starved to death after being found 'fit for work'.

14,000 disabled people have lost their motabilty vehicles, after the bar was raised to qualify. Although that's just a straight cost-cutting excercise.

It's partly the reason sanctions were introduced, which are a nightmare.

So I can understand DH's fury at a BIL who's never worked, who may have an illicit form of income. It may come from his gf, it may not.

Giving DH the benefit of the doubt, I guess he wouldn't have reported him if he wasn't fairly sure, obviously he and the OP know details we don't. Furthermore, if DB had lost his job, was desperately looking and trying to make a bit of cash on the side to keep him and his kid going, I doubt he'd have reported him in that circumstance.

At the same time life on benefits is tough, and many people do seek to supplement it just to survive.

Reporting people and wasting resourses investigating them when there is no reasonable indication of any fraud at all, will not make ESA for disabked people easier to get

I have to agree that telling DB, he may well break off contact for good.

But realistically, I highly doubt they can pull off pretending it wasn't them, so it would be better to come clean from the start.

Reporting people and wasting resourses investigating them when there is no reasonable indication of any fraud at all, will not make ESA for disabked people easier to get

No, it won't but all benefit fraud makes life much harder for all genuine claimants.

I doubt DH would have gone to the bother of reporting him if there wasn't 'a reasonable indication', and it's fairly common. I'm not sure why everyone has assumed DB is innocent, I think it's quite possible. However, that doesn't mean it's wise to report within the family, given the likely consequences.

What it does do is contribute towards a false perception of reality.

How many people came on this thread and just saw the words "benefit fraud" yet failed to notice that nowhere in anything the op has posted contained any actual reasonable perception of even potential fraud.

She's not indicated he's working,she has actually stated he is not.

She's not indicated he is actually cohabiting, she has confirmed that he lives in and maintains his own house but has a girlfriend he visits.

She's not indicated his child does not live with him she has confirmed the child does reside with him.

She's not given any information at all other than he pays for haircuts clothes and has tattoos these are bat shit crazy reasons to feel how she does.

What she has really said is he appears to manage better than I do I'm jealous.

Yet of course people pile on and say report because all benefit claiments are lying cheats.

Fwiw. If I had a legitimate and reasonable belief that someone I loved and cared about was committing benefit fraud I would take steps to get them to out it right and if they didn't I would report. But making shit up because you have different financial priorities than your own brother and gossiping with your DH so he feels it's acceptable to make a malicious report is piss poor conduct.

yse

Did you find any reasonable suspicion in the ops posts?

What sock said.

So, that works out as roughly £77 per week per child?

I don't imagine you're spending much of the children's benefits on haircuts, tattoos, nights out...

Yes I suppose it would mean each one of us was getting 70-odd a week. I actually do go to an expensive hair dresser now - although before I left ex I hadn't been able to afford a hair cut in over 18months (and my hair is thick and unruly at the best of times). I don't like tattoos or going out drinking but I am going for a meal with friends later in the week and its the first time in years I just been able to say yes and haven't needed to worry about what it'll cost or make excuses not to go. I have been able to buy nice things for the house and for the DC. DD needing the next size clothes wasn't a stress like it used to be. I've also managed to save reasonable amounts. The DC really don't cost much to keep - certainly not what I'm given for them.

I honestly think op's brother could afford all the things she's saying about, whilst only claiming benefits legitimately.

However OP I think the right thing to do now would be - tell DB that your DH was moaning to a mate about how much money DB seems to have and DH's mate says he's reported DB for benefit fraud. It at least warns him but should deflect some of the anger from your DH, so as not to cause a massive family rift.

If I had a husband and he did this, he would very soon be my ex husband.

I agree with this but am not quite sure that I understand why a seasoned benefit fraud related professional would think "he has tattoos hair cuts an new clothes" is on any planet a reason to suspect fraud. The op's brother is not showing any tangible outward signs of fraud nor is he giving any indication of it. It just sounds like he either manages his money well or utilises provie loans frequently.

Sock, it's up to each individual to decide to make a fraud report based on their own judgement. People's judgement varies. It's up to said Professionals (as I was) to make an official ruling as to whether or not fraud has been committed. If you see a car going down the road driving weaving, you don't know if the person is intoxicated. What do you do? Ignore it and hope they aren't intoxicated and don't kill someone? Or call the police and let them make a professional judgement?

Did I get spurious or 'foolish' fraud reports? Sure, I did. But they were still worth investigating and the majority of them are taken care of with a phone call. If the report proved false, we informed the individual and apologized for any trouble.

It's not about fraud/not fraud. It's about the H going behind his wife's back to attack a member of her family. Speculating about where he is getting his money from and making a fraud allegation are worlds apart.

I said it's partly the reason, if you read my post.

The tests for ESA were toughened up partly to weed out fraudsters and malingerers, and also partly from political/economic motives to try to get as many people off benefits as possible.

Benefit fraud doesn't just imply pretending to be ill, or exaggerating an existing condition, it's also simply breaking the rules - undeclared earnings, undeclared assets.

For long term unemployed, including genuine claimants, claiming ESA would mean an extra £30 per week.

The cuts to DLA is because there were many claimants for quite low key illnesses, and it was something that quite easy to wing as it only involved filling out a form, with no face to face interview.

But again, it's also partly costcutting

I am not trying to make a political point and I have advised the OP to tell her brother. She is in an untenable position and she has been put there by her dh. Her db will be going crazy, looking at everyone he knows with suspicion. This investigation will cause proper hardship to him. If he finds out later that it was his bil who caused it and his sister knew and did nothing, there really will be no going back from that. She owes her brother a heads up. The h really hasn't thought through the consequebces of what he has done.