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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to be angry with DH for reporting my DB for benefit fraud

299 replies

ninja1890 · 08/03/2016 13:07

Help first time post as I need some perspective please. My DH has confessed to me that he has recently reported my DB for benefit fraud.

We have both suspected for some time that this is the case as he is a single father and seems to have alot of excess income. Think haircuts, tattoos, new clothes weekly nights out etc. He has never worked and has just booked a holiday and is saving to get married to his new partner - they don't currently live together.

We don't have any proof but DH reasons that if we suspect we should report. I can't help feeling angry that he has done this. If my DB isn't defrauding the system he has nothing to worry about but it will probably result in a suspension of benefit and worry. Also I am worried about the implications for my DN etc

OP posts:
InisSunset · 08/03/2016 19:03

Yes I agree, your DH should own up to it. Or is he ashamed to. He shouldn't be if he's so cock sure.

Sallystyle · 08/03/2016 19:03

I would never forgive my husband if he did this either.

Even if we knew my brother was committing benefit fraud my husband would never, ever report him without my permission. He probably wouldn't report anyone to be honest, but if he reported my brother without me being on board I'm not sure I could get past it.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/03/2016 19:04

I think Deo, although, not nicely put. Does make a good point. Why are married/partnered women allowed to stay at home, but other people ie single parents, ect, are not. If they don't work. They're called scroungers...

LifeofI · 08/03/2016 19:06

No offence to you but i would be weary living with such a bitter jealous man like your DH

TooAswellAlso · 08/03/2016 19:07

Not London, but South East Yseuite.

I've been with my dentist since 2002. They are private and NHS mixed. I've been on exemption since 2005 when I was pregnant - switched to low income exemption in 2009.

I had a ceroc crown fitted a few years ago, and I had a white filling only two weeks ago. I have maybe three fillings and a crown in total, but look in my mouth and it's all white.

I'm aware I'm bloody lucky tbh! I love my dentist.

TooAswellAlso · 08/03/2016 19:08

My dentist at the time (practise, they've changed a couple of times) with the crown said it was a new machine they were testing, but tbh I'm just bloody thankful I got it!

InisSunset · 08/03/2016 19:09

Aren't some of our MPs under investigation again for fraud. A case of "don't do what I do, do what I say. Perhaps we should have a shop an MP hotline. Makes me sick.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/03/2016 19:10

Here Here. Inis.

sugar21 · 08/03/2016 19:12

Well said Inis

BillSykesDog · 08/03/2016 19:12

lighthouse, because if women have a partner the state does not support them to stay home, their partner does.

Yseulte · 08/03/2016 19:13

You're very lucky, I couldn't find anyone round me, I had to pay.

And it's very hard to find good NHS dentists.

NNalreadyinuse · 08/03/2016 19:16

Deo effectively called sahm prostitutes, but to answer the point, the adults in a family divide up the necessary tasks of child care and earning money between them. How they do that, varies according to circumstance and preference. A sahm is being financially supported because she is contributing in an equally valuable way to the wellbeing of her family. She isn't trading sex for money.

I think that if a family can afford for one parent to sah and that is what one parent wishes to do, that is their business.

The state should support people who cannot work, for whatever reason and needing that support should not incur moral judgement from others.

TooAswellAlso · 08/03/2016 19:16

Yseulte I am never leaving my dentists! They are amazing with my DC too, especially my elder with ASD

FinallyFreeFromItAll · 08/03/2016 19:22

yseulte

Honestly as a single mother on benefits - they are a bloody lot. I honestly do feel rich in comparison to when I was with abusive ex who earnt 21500. As a single mother with 2 children: Child benefit 137every 4weeks, tax credits is £480every 4weeks, income support £146every fortnight. It works out over £900 a month cash - that's a lot when there isnt rent or council tax to be paid out of it (I live in a "posh" area, in a high-ish council tax band house, so I do have to top up my rent and council tax a bit - but I still have more left after rent and council tax are paid than I did when I was with ex). Plus on top of that I get healthy start, free prescriptions (I used to have to pay for prepayment card I'm on that many tablets, so really adds up for me).

I was amazed at how much it all works out to. I thought something was wrong with the calculations somewhere but checked and that's right. So I can and do save each month, I don't have to worry about budgeting much now & I have been able to afford all brand new white goods and nice furniture that is a mix of secondhand and IKEA (I fled ex without those things).

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 08/03/2016 19:24

Fair point, Bill. but I was talking morally. And if a single parent has worked before having her children, then she/he is not living off the tax payer either, after all if they've paid their taxes whilest working. I think it's fair to say. It's their money

sweetkitty · 08/03/2016 19:25

I know for a fact my DB and his partner are commuting benefit fraud, they both work FT but he has never legally moved in so she gets tax credits etc as if she were a single parent.

Kind of annoys me as they are just being greedy and milking the system a bit.

CoteDAzur · 08/03/2016 19:27

OP - Is it possible that your DB is dealing drugs or is earning money in some other illegal part-time business?

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 08/03/2016 19:29

married/partnered women allowed to stay at home, but other people ie single parents, ect, are not. If they don't work. They're called scroungers...

Married women do not get free childcare dental care eye care free school meals they do t qualify for free education or back to work programmes - they don't count in the unemployment figures so aren't a priority - they get nothing!!!

They don't count -

angielou123 · 08/03/2016 19:36

I think you should have talked about it before reporting him. There is lots of other ways he could be getting money, not just defrauding the benefit system but its sounds like it could be illegal whatever it is. It's a hard one when it's family.

Iggypoppie · 08/03/2016 19:38

Ninja it sounds like you're suspicions planted the seed in your dp's head. So you're both in it together.

I don't know how you both will be able to look your db or dn in the eye after this.

And your db will either know it was you or will be suspicious of everyone around him - what a horrible situation to put him in.

And just think, how would you feel if you were reported e.g. for child neglect anonymously?

Horrible.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 08/03/2016 19:39

I'm on the fence. if your dh felt it's something he needed to do then fair enough - if db is committing benefit fraud then it will be found out

A woman who lives in my village annoys me, she has more holidays than I think she should.

Is it ok if I go ahead a report her for abusing her kids despite never seeing or hearing about anything at all that could reasonably lead me to have that belief, because it's something I feel I ought to do.

Shell I then tell the police I think she's a drug dealer despite the same lack of anything that would suggest it?

Or would doing so make me a festering cunt of the lowest possible scum ridden pond life

Iggypoppie · 08/03/2016 19:40

*your

Thatrabbittrickedme · 08/03/2016 19:43

this is the first time I have seen tattoos held up as a luxury item, indicative of extravagance not helpful

OP, I understand you feel your DH has gone behind your back, this is very unpleasant, but if your DH has strong evidence/reason to believe that there is fraud, I do think he should be able to report it - he has been two-faced for not discussing with you or your DB first. So for me its not so much what he has done, but how he has done it.

It seems to me that there is a jealousy from your DH/you that could be easily resolved by you finding work yourself - you have the potential to improve your family's financial situation by getting a job, your DB as a lone parent does not have this opportunity - I would look to what you can do in your own home to improve things, before getting worked up about what others have

NotNowPike · 08/03/2016 19:48

finallyfree it's good to hear the system works and you are safely homed

Iggypoppie · 08/03/2016 19:52

need that is a good example.

Tories must be loving watching the proles squabble amongst themselves while the super rich play every trick in the book.